What should I do in my situation?

College Life
1

What does somebody do in my situation?

I’m trying to finish up my Bachelor’s degree at one of the top Universities in my country (Canada), I’m doing a double major in pharmacology and genetics.

My very first year of University was horrible. I failed a bunch of classes and did really poorly overall. I wasn’t used to the structure of University. The next year, I basically retook all the courses I had failed and did okay- most of my marks were in the mid 70s. Then the year after, I did okay again.

But I wanted better grades and I felt as though my concentration and focus just weren’t sufficient to be able to earn great marks. That summer, I saw a psychiatrist and got diagnosed with ADD. However, this was the same year that a lot of anxiety and irrational thoughts started to take over my mind.

Long story short, I texted this guy and 2 weeks later I got a call from a police officer saying the person I texted was murdered. This person was a mere acquaintance, not somebody I was really friends with, but the police officer wanted me to come in for questioning and wanted me to take a mouth swab test. My heart literally skipped a beat when I got that phone call. I’ve always been a naturally paranoid person but this event gave me such bad anxiety that never really went away. I literally feel like I haven’t had a peace of mind since that incident.

I started developing such intense paranoid thoughts. I would type emails to people and then not send the email because I thought I would accidentally type something threatening and the cop would call me. I couldn’t text people anymore in fear of this thing happening again. I got even crazier paranoid thoughts that would come and go like thinking I would suddenly go blind or that my father would murder me.

I would have some days when I wouldn’t feel too paranoid, at least not too paranoid to study, but this paranoia would come about so suddenly. I lost complete control of my life. The paranoid thoughts could appear at any moment and I’d feel paralyzed and unable to get anything productive done. I literally failed all the classes in my fourth year. My marks in my classes were literally 1% and 0%. Then as fifth year started, I saw a therapist for one session and she referred me to a psychiatrist because she only dealt with things like depression. But my parents didn’t want me to see a psychiatrist, they figured my thoughts would go away by themselves. I failed fifth year pretty badly again, failing all my classes in first semester, and barely passing my classes 2nd semester. These paranoid thoughts just hindered me too much and it was unpredictable when they’d arise.

Now I have a really, really horrible GPA. My cGPA is like 1.5. I want to transfer to an easier University, since the University I attend is notorious for being difficult, but the minimum GPA to be even considered for transfer is 2.0. It would take me years to boost my GPA here. I’ve heard that people go to community college to boost their GPA but I can’t afford to waste another 2 years and tens of thousands of dollars just for this.

So what the hell do I do? My registrar told me they would drop my failed grades if I got proof from a psychiatrist about my problems. But will they even believe me? I don’t even know.

2

You need to be in regular counseling and keep seeing the psychiatrist. I don’t know if you can withdraw, but maybe try that. See an advisor at your college and ask for help in regards to your status. Good luck to you.

3

If you can get those dropped then that seems like the best route. If not maybe pick an easier subject at the college and get a minor to boost your GPA

4

See a psychiatrist ASAP. This sounds like obsessive thinking.

5

The registrar has already said they would believe you. See the psychiatrist.

Your drop date is November 7. You can drop all your courses without academic penalty. Alternatively, you can change courses to credit/no credit.

You probably already know that your current gpa puts you at risk of probation or suspension. You need to get your mental health taken care of before you continue in university.

Community college in Canada is not the same as the States. The switch to a community college won’t help you graduate university.

I recommend posting on https://www.reddit.com/r/UofT/ It’s a very active subreddit. There’s lots of fellow students and recent graduates there. They’re a supportive bunch.

6

You may be developing a major mental illness and need to be thouroughly evaluated so that the right combination of medication and psychological treatment can be implemented. Can you get the letter that you need to withdraw from the psychiatrist who saw you previously? Then perhaps, if your parents will support you for a while, go home, get involved in treatment in order to pull yourself together without the pressures of college. Maybe you could handle a part time job while working on your mental health.

You need to prioritize your mental health. This will unlikely get better without treatment.

7

Thanks for the reply, guys, I really appreciate it.

I am under so much daily stress, not even because of school, but because of the things my mind focuses on. Every day I think and stress about irrational things like worrying that my hands are “dirty” and that I’ll get a bad infection if I pick my nose, worrying that someone will come to my house and hurt me, etc.

I have spent so many hours worrying about fears that never came true. And the stress and fear I feel from them is immense.

I’m getting a referral to my University psychiatrist this friday. I should have done this sooner but it took me a while to recognize that I actually have a mental problem. I had hoped it would go away on its own but I think it will only get worse with time if I don’t see a psychiatrist.

It just saddens me how bad of a beating my GPA took. I hate how my parents and Universities think I’m lazy and not studying hard enough. How do you expect me to focus on studying when all I think about is checking my tongue to make sure I don’t have cancerous bumps growing every minute??? Like normal healthy people don’t have these problems. Gah, why me, why does life have to make easy things so difficult for me.

8

Good for you for realizing you need help. And yes, it will get worse without help. Mental illnesses are illnesses like,those requiring medical treatment, so don’t be afraid to address it. To refer back to your original post, I think it is safe to say that your grades can be removed from your record. Good luck to you.