What the heck is wrong with me?

<p>Ok...so I have three major problems here. </p>

<p>1.) I keep losing things!
So far this year I've lost a school computer charger, two books, my school uniform (YES), my gym uniform, my adidas bag, my school sweater, my key club pin and almost lost my lunchbox. I just borrowed the charger from the IT last week and asked: "Could I just give this back to you tomorrow?" and forgot to give it back to her and I PUT IT IN MY BACKPACK but it disappeared!??? I swear that my backpack is like a black hole! I didn't touch the charger after putting it in my backpack! What the hell! </p>

<p>But for some reason I can remember deadlines and dates so well and I have never missed one homework grade or project in ANY class. </p>

<p>2.) I can't figure out how to hold my books.
I know. This just looks ridiculous. But you guys should see me! I walk around school with literally 6 textbooks in my hands barely making it across the hallway with a huge backpack filled with stuff...but the thing is, I need all of the books that I'm carrying! However, I don't see ANYONE carrying as much stuff as I do. Most people have one, if any books in their hands. But me? Forget it. I can barely walk straight with all the stuff I'm carrying. Yes, I do put everything in my locker and only take the books that I need. No matter how I try to work it, it's still ridiculously heavy and I get severe neckaches carrying so much stuff! </p>

<p>3.) I think I have paranoia. Not even kidding.
I can't help the way that I've been thinking lately. I mean yeah, I've always been a little on the neurotic side, but now it's just getting out of hand. I think that everyone's thinking bad thoughts of me all the time and no matter how I try to bring myself to reality, it won't work. If I say ONE wrong thing that my mind involuntarily catches, I can't stop thinking about how stupid it was, even though I know that the person whom I said that to probably doesn't even remember what I said. I take every word that I say and every move that I make down to an exact science; only to make me increasingly neurotic and paranoid as the days go on. However, I find that my subconscious mind acknowledges the fact that these fears and anxiety producing experiences are strangers to the waking minds of the people surrounding me. But this makes no difference. I am extremely obsessive over my grades and getting into the college of my dreams and I often get lost in my own thoughts and my own mind throughout the day. I don't really have any friends due to my neurotic and socially contrived disposition; which is both a blessing and a curse. </p>

<p>Am I crazy? Please help. What would you do? And about the charger? I don't know what to say to the IT. I can't find it anywhere.</p>

<p>Thanks. :)</p>

<p>OH MY GOD I'VE LOST TWO FLASH DRIVES IN THE LAST MONTH.</p>

<p>Also over the course of the school day I keep taking out books for each class and I just carry them until school is over :P</p>

<p>1) I lose stuff all the time as well, and I have had no luck in fixing this issue. About the charger- do one last hurrah where you search your house, locker, classrooms, and anywhere else and then just offer to pay for it. If money isn't tight, its not a big deal. I have had to pay for books before, and though it is slightly embarrassing there are worst things.</p>

<p>2) Maybe you take the classes with the big textbooks? xD I used to have fat binders I used for my classes, then I started getting skinnier ones for some and notebooks for others. Do you use the textbooks every day in class? If you look through your notebooks, perhaps you could find a more practical arrangement. If you are a smaller person, it could also make the whole situation more difficult to solve since there is less of you to support the books.</p>

<p>3) This is so cliche, but you just have to start thinking positive and everything will be better. Just from your post, I have the impression that you are a funny person who I wouldn't mind being around. You just have to have that image of yourself. I used to repeat my conversations with others in my head over and over like you do, and find the lines in my speech that were awkward. I stopped mainly due to gaining some self confidence. Now whenever I say something stupid (which is a lot still, haha) I usually just laugh at myself for being so silly. </p>

<p>What grade are you in? I didn't have many friends until halfway through my sophomore year. And not to sound anti- social, friends aren't as important as being comfortable in your own skin (in my opinion). Really, there is probably no reason to be paranoid and your classmates would be very odd if they spent their free time thinking about how odd you are. :)</p>

<p>Avoid the IT. Talk to someone, maybe a friend or an administrator, about using more lockers that are closer to your classes. The paranoia thing's no big deal, you're just overly self-conscious, which goes hand in hand with thinking so much. If you're so worried about messing up, improve yourself, or just try not to mess up. Or realize that all eyes aren't on you, and that you CAN mess up, with no consequences!(:</p>

<p>Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!! we should be twins seriously..... I have the same exact problem as you. I am overly self conscious and absent minded. By the way I lose Alotttttttt of things. Don't worry you're not alone in this. I get lost in my own world sometimes too.</p>

<p>CSIHSIS: "OH MY GOD I'VE LOST TWO FLASH DRIVES IN THE LAST MONTH.</p>

<p>Also over the course of the school day I keep taking out books for each class and I just carry them until school is over :P" </p>

<p>CSIHSIS - Thank you for reminding me haha, I also lost a flash drive :P
Lol yes, that's what I do!</p>

<p>"1) I lose stuff all the time as well, and I have had no luck in fixing this issue. About the charger- do one last hurrah where you search your house, locker, classrooms, and anywhere else and then just offer to pay for it. If money isn't tight, its not a big deal. I have had to pay for books before, and though it is slightly embarrassing there are worst things.</p>

<p>2) Maybe you take the classes with the big textbooks? xD I used to have fat binders I used for my classes, then I started getting skinnier ones for some and notebooks for others. Do you use the textbooks every day in class? If you look through your notebooks, perhaps you could find a more practical arrangement. If you are a smaller person, it could also make the whole situation more difficult to solve since there is less of you to support the books.</p>

<p>3) This is so cliche, but you just have to start thinking positive and everything will be better. Just from your post, I have the impression that you are a funny person who I wouldn't mind being around. You just have to have that image of yourself. I used to repeat my conversations with others in my head over and over like you do, and find the lines in my speech that were awkward. I stopped mainly due to gaining some self confidence. Now whenever I say something stupid (which is a lot still, haha) I usually just laugh at myself for being so silly. </p>

<p>What grade are you in? I didn't have many friends until halfway through my sophomore year. And not to sound anti- social, friends aren't as important as being comfortable in your own skin (in my opinion). Really, there is probably no reason to be paranoid and your classmates would be very odd if they spent their free time thinking about how odd you are. :)"</p>

<p>Dreaminapples - I am indeed a sophomore! :) That's how I am now. I have like, one friend. I am extremely introverted, and now matter how many times I try, I can never change. I've been to a number of different schools with hopes of a social change; but each time it happens, I always fail. I just don't know what to talk about with people. I avoid people because I hate the silence. For example, I'll be walking down the hallway and I'll see someone that I know, but I won't wait for them. It's not because I don't want to talk, it's just that I don't know what to talk about. If I do wait for them, I'll be like "Hi!" and you know, I'm friendly and everything, but unless it's pertinent to the way the day is going ("man, this day is really slow, isn't it?") and I'll get a "..yeah." You know what I mean? I get tongue twisted, and I cannot think of anything to say that won't sound scripted. While this is going on, I am under a lot of anxiety and I despise it; so I just avoid the situation all together. So that's my social situation, lol. I know; it's bad :P haha
and yes! I mean some of my textbooks are regular size, but my english textbook is HUGE. It weighs about 10 pounds, and that's not an exaggeration! Lol. I don't know where the other students put their books :O, it's like they're invisible or something, lol. But yes, we do use the books everyday in class :/. Especially the english textbook. I almost always have homework in that subject so I have to bring it home along with my math textbook (not huge but still pretty heavy), my laptop, my spanish workbooks and notebook, my chem textbook (probably the lightest, but still adds weight), and my theology textbooks (although they're paper back; there are three of them, haha). Oh and when I have history homework I have to bring that home too, so add another 5-6 pounds, lol.
I will just go to the IT and tell her that I lost it, and will pay for it. I still haven't been to her, so it's about time I go! Maybe she forgot about it though. I hope so, lol.
I will try and think positive. But it's hard, ya know? If you're as neurotic as I am. </p>

<p>"I used to repeat my conversations with others in my head over and over like you do, and find the lines in my speech that were awkward."
- That's exactly what I do! I will dissect every word that I said and think of things that I should've said instead. It drives me crazy, so I just try to distract myself by thinking of other things. </p>

<p>Hey, thanks for your answer :) sorry it took me so long to reply. I've been sorta busy with school and stuff. PM me sometime! You seem really cool! :)</p>

<p>Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!! we should be twins seriously..... I have the same exact problem as you. I am overly self conscious and absent minded. By the way I lose Alotttttttt of things. Don't worry you're not alone in this. I get lost in my own world sometimes too. </p>

<ul>
<li>Yes! It is horrible :/ lol</li>
</ul>

<p>@blambdaj & microphakia976</p>

<p>lol, triplets???!!! I can literally relate to probably EVERY SINGLE THING you have said in ur post. it's horrible. especially the last one. i find it hard to stop thinking about things i have done wrong or things people have done to me. it's SO ANNOYING!</p>

<p>By the way, I replay my speech in my head all the time, like you all. And am (somewhat secretly) self-conscious, ahah.</p>

<p>@collegeluva101 </p>

<p>wow! Yes, triplets!!! It is really annoying indeed!!!!!! I know exactly how you feel! </p>

<p>I don't know if you guys can relate to this, but it has gotten so bad that I think people are judging me by the way I stand or what I do with my arms. It's really annoying, because when I stand, I don't know what to do with my arms. If I let them just be straight, then it looks stupid. I get sick of crossing them so I just join my hands together and put them in front of me. But even that feels awkward. Lol. I am just going crazy here haha.</p>

<p>tl;dr 10char</p>

<p>This sentence of yours jumped out at me:</p>

<p>I've been to a number of different schools with hopes of a social change; but each time it happens, I always fail.</p>

<p>What do your parents say about all this? They are willing to keep switching schools, but don't try to help you solve whatever social anxiety you are dealing with?</p>

<p>...Ok then...lol you didn't have to read anything</p>

<p>surfcity - they are very helpful to me. They talk me through everything and are the most supportive and encouraging parents you could imagine. I've also been to a therapist, I've been to groups, etc etc. But I'm 15. They can't go to school for me.</p>