What to be when I grow up

Parent Cafe
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<p>I guess I am at a point in my life where I don’t know what I want to do. I am debating whether I should go back to school, but with kids in college/soon-to-be-in-college, I should probably wait. Plus I want to be really sure what I want to get a post-grad degree in before I even decide to go. </p>

<p>I just graduated last year (unconventionally later in life!) with a BA in English. And no, I did not really want to teach (that is always the next question). I just couldn’t find any other major that interested me. </p>

<p>So right after I graduated we moved to another city for H’s job. I began looking for a job and really could not find anything that matched my background; before going back to school I managed the wine department for a grocery chain. </p>

<p>So how does one go about finding out what to do with his/her life in terms of a job? I’ve done a couple of those career tests but I find the questions kind of stupid. ie “would you rather do X or Y” and I think to myself “neither!” or “both!”</p>

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<p>Try something that seems reasonable and likable to you, see how you like it, see what you learn about it and about yourself, and use what you learn to figure out your next step or steps.</p>

<p>“Trying” can be an actual job (full or part-time), a course, a volunteer opportunity, self-directed reading, whatever. Perhaps even try more than one thing at a time.</p>

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<p>Good question, DrDrewsmom. I bet your friends and family would have some good ideas about what you’re good at and what you “should” pursue. Talking the situation out with someone you trust who doesn’t have an agenda could also be helpful.</p>

<p>I sympathize because it took me until age 40 to discover what I really loved. </p>

<p>Chances are you already have pieces of it in place. You just need to put them together, connect the dots. Good luck and keep us informed!</p>

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Wow…if you figure this out, pass along the info to me!! <em>lol</em> I thought it was <em>really</em> important to finish my education before I got married/had kids, so I did. But now, after 20 years of being a SAHM, I find that I have NO interest in going back into the field for which I was trained! :eek: </p>

<p>It’s hard, isn’t it? You have some people suggesting one thing…other people suggesting something completely different, and all it does is confuse you more! </p>

<p>I’m feeling the need to “do something” too, but the thought of it is SO ovewhelming with all of my other responsibilities. I suppose if I could have a “dream job,” it’d be as a syndicated columnist! :)</p>

<p>At any rate, I wish you all the best, and as I said, if you figure this out, throw some advice my way, O.K.? </p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>DrDrewsmom, congratulations on completing your degree! </p>

<p>I’d recommend just trying different things - it almost doesn’t matter what - just take action. ANY action. The important thing is to give yourself permission to stop doing whatever you try if you do not fall in love with it, and to throw commitment conventions out the window. In other words, if you try something and decide it’s not a fit, don’t sentence yourself to staying with it for a year just because of some notion of commitment. Give the appropriate notice or whatever, stop the activity, and go try the next thing. </p>

<p>Also, I think sometimes the opinions of friends and family can often get in our way, unintentionally, as we allow their considerations to rent space in our heads. For example, if your perception is that your family thinks you should leave for work every day at 8:00 a.m. dressed in a suit, guess what you end up doing for 20 years? </p>

<p>A game I often played with myself during the segue years to self employment was to pretend or imagine that I had zero connections to the real world; I’d play “forget everyone and everything else for a minute - pretend I have no child/ren, no mortgage, no bills, no one that I am accountable to but myself. What decisions would I make if my child, cat, house, etc. is not present in any of my considerations? I’m all alone and owe no considerations to any other person. If I can do absolutely anything I want to do, what will it be?” </p>

<p>It’s easier to get to the heart of what you desire once you get those practical considerations - and the potential of other’s opinons and needs - out of the picture and it’s all about you. It’s hard to explain and perhaps I’m not explaing it very well, but, you almost have to enter into this sort of mental fantasy world where you really, really have to understand that it’s all about you, and no one else matters. (That’s difficult to do because it’s so unnatural.) You literally have to say things to yourself like “I’m only going to live another X number of years - and the end of life is probably going to feel like this - what will I be thinking then, and what regrets might I have? So therefore, how do I want to spend this very finite period of time?”</p>

<p>(I know that sounds dramatic but that’s literally the only way I could get anywhere close to the answer of “how do I want to live my life?”.)</p>

<p>Then, once you arrive at some interesting ideas out of this process, or better still, hopefully passions and great desires, you can begin the process of making those ideas work in real life, with all of the practical considerations back in place and with the support of family, friends, etc.</p>

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<p>latetoschool, as someone who can be almost unhealthily indecisive, I’m going to save your post for future reference… thanks for posting. :)</p>

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<p>While the career tests may annoy you, I think they are still the right approach, but you can do it yourself. Question number one: Do you want to be your own boss, or work for someone else? Question number two: Do you need to see people every day, or would you like being home alone? Question three? Is a fluctuating income okay, or do you want a regular salary? etc. You know what questions make sense to you. There probably won’t be a perfect fit, but it may point you in the right directions at least. </p>

<p>English majors I’ve known have - worked in libraries that didn’t required MLS degrees, written freelance magazine articles for local journals, written for local papers, sold real estate, become developers, substitute teaching, worked in nursery school, run a flower delivery service growing their own flowers, written novels, become the director of the Chamber of Commerce.</p>

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<p>“would you rather do X or Y” and I think to myself “neither!” or “both!”</p>

<p>the correct answer is always “Z”</p>

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<p>I think first you need to access how comfortable you are with responsibility.There are many higher paid jobs that involve huge amounts of stress and responsiblity, time and devotion, where much is at stake and many can be affected by how well you do your job. Oftentimes, only those who are extremely bright or confident can deal with these types of jobs. So, you need to access do I need a job for the money, do I have the skills and ability and strength, or do I need a job for self- forefillment. If you are not the primary bread winner in your home and responsible for paying your kids tuition, then I guess you can find a job for self-forefillment.Therefore, you can look for whatever suits your interests and you are truly fortunate!</p>

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<p>This may not work for everyone - and perhaps it will work for no one else - but I think the practical considerations will actually get in the way of and perhaps ruin forever the chance of chosing a happy, successful path. </p>

<p>For example, if you can find the one thing or perhaps even a few things that get you so excited and happy that you absolutely cannot wait to jump out of bed in the morning and get started on them, the issues of stress, money, time, etc. all seem to absolutely just disappear. You literally will not care - or even be remotely interesting in - the time, money or stress factor (although obviously it is enormously useful to have plenty of money - if you go through a time where there isn’t enough money, oddly, this seems to be almost a non-issue). </p>

<p>I have days that sometimes begin at 4:00 a.m. to make 6:30 flights, land somewhere, meetings all day concluding with dinners, next day, start with conference calls on UK’s time zone, repeat same long day. Some months, there’s tons of money in the bank, other months, have to watch the bank balance. None of it matters because I cannot wait to start doing it, keep doing it, never want to stop. </p>

<p>But, to get there I had to go through the process of “I’m here all alone, nothing matters but me, when I am in my very last days, how will I feel about how I spent this time, and what will I regret?”</p>

<p>If I’d put practical considerations first, I may have said - “ick, 16 hour days, travel, I don’t wanna do that - I want a nice traditional job with interesting people, hopefully that pays well and no more than a 20 minute commute”… - had I done that, probably would have - well - never mind. </p>

<p>I think “can’t” is the most dangerous, destructive word…</p>

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<p>thanks for the replies :)</p>

<p>You have all given me a lot to think about.
latetoschool: I like your post about family expectations. My H is NOT a risk-taker…at all! And while I wouldn’t consider myself much of a risk-taker either, I would say I have more of those tendencies than he does. But then he is more passive and easy-going than I am too. </p>

<p>berurah, I’ll let you know if I find the answer. The problem is, I think it is different for everyone. It is helpful to see how other people have found their own answers. </p>

<p>When I was in high school I spent the last year going half days to the city vocational school for culinary arts. I thought I was going to be a pastry chef. After doing that for a year, I decided it wasn’t probably the best idea because (and I know this sounds horrible) most of the kids in the program were kids who could not handle regular academic school work so they’d go to the vocational school b/c it was “easier.” I thought to myself, there is no way I can spend the rest of my life with people like this! (I told you it sounds terrible----I sound like such a snob).
This was back in the days before Food Network and all that. I still love to cook and have done various cakes once in a while. I even made my stepson’s wedding cake: <a href=“Best Of SEO & Blogging - ImageStation”>Best Of SEO & Blogging - ImageStation;
So food and wine are big interests and when I bought/sold wine in grocery I was very good at it and really loved my job. I think about that a lot and haven’t ruled it out!</p>

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<p>DrDrewsmom, a friend of mine has had multiple careers. She started out as a nurse, morphed to owning her own greeting card company and now runs a gardening business, but also enjoys a part-time job at a new concept wine shop called WineStyles. It’s one of a small national chain of stores dedicated to wine, not other liquor, that presents the varieties in a lovely, educational way to help customers learn how to discuss and evaluate wines. Just thought I’d pass that along – check them out at winestyles.net</p>

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<p>DrDrewsmom,
I’ll add my congrats! I lived in eastern WA until about five years ago. You mention that you moved to a new “city” recently, and there sure aren’t that many real cities in that part of the state. I can think of a couple of English major friends who found fulfilling employment in Spokane–one at a new museum and another with a college that was just starting a grad program in international business–basically her job was marketing. Neither position was what they had in mind when they chose their majors, but their education provided the background they needed. Another thought that came to me is the emerging wine industry in the Walla Walla area. Maybe there is some kind of trade association or something like that and they just don’t know yet that they could somehow use someone like you! </p>

<p>I once did a free-lance project for one of the agricultural commodity commissions–a little brochure in Spanish about the nutritional benefits of dried peas and lentils, and it worked out to be about four times more income per hour than anything else I’ve ever done in my life! It was just a one-time thing, not a career, but those kinds of associations must pay people to do that kind of stuff on a regular basis in English. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>DrDrewsmom - re family influences, don’t let conventional thinking and relationship patterns get in your way.</p>

<p>Funny story, for years, I have purchased and driven very inexpensive, safe, conservative four door cars with lots of air bag protection, huge trunk space, etc. My reasons were simple - need space for groceries and all the things children need, need four doors so all the friends can get in and out - you know - all the reasons families buy SUVs and the like. Inexpensive so I could pay for private school and have enough money to fund college, as well, oh, and also, safe, with the expectation that eventually a teenager would learn to drive in one, so, if there would be mishaps, no serious financial loss and hopefully no physical harm- the learning teenager would still be safe. I didn’t care what the cars looked like or even what color they were. It wasn’t important, didn’t matter - so long as they weren’t mustard yellow or something.</p>

<p>So, seeing that college graduation is five months away and counting down, I can wait no longer, and the week before Christmas decided to buy what I have been wanting for a very, very long time - and what I would have been driving all along if there were not a child to consider - a hot, sexy, fast, ridiculously cool sports car. It’s so sexy that when I drove it home the first day, the neighbors all had to smoke lots of cigarettes. </p>

<p>Anyway, the day before I picked it up, my daughter flew in from NYC, next morning, we were going to go Christmas shopping, and I said, “o.k., but, let’s stop on the way, I’d like to pick up my new car first”. She said o.k. and hops into the soon to be trade-in with me, clearly expecting a new but safe, boring, conservative car, just like all the others that have been there throughout her childhood.</p>

<p>She sees the thing and goes into shock. She could not stop saying “what???”. She even said to the sales guy “but - my mother is sooooooo totally, over-the-top uber-conservative. I don’t understand. This isn’t like her. Is she sure??? My mother is not likely to EVER drive this car over 40 miles per hour - so WHY did you sell this to her???”. - not in a mean way, just in a rather delightfully shocked, “I do not know who this person is but so far I really like it and I’m proud” sort of way. But still, I could feel it, some small part of her wanted to take me by the hand and steer me towards the sensible, conservative sedans, because, that is her quite accurate historical perception.</p>

<p>So sometime later I explained to her (she was in shock for like three days, and even a month later she still cannot stop talking about it) - </p>

<p>"the conservative car person (who does not speed with children in the car) was simply the mask I wore for 20 years, out of necessity, a sense of responsibility and best possible use of judgment and financial resources. But the real person is really much more like this other, brand new car over here - the one we both agree is ridiculously more fun, and interesting. Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m your mother. :)</p>

<p>That’s sort of what waits for you on the other side. And you might be very, very surprised at the warm, fun, supportive, at times hilarious, and very interesting reception you get as you evolve into whatever is next.</p>

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<p>No details about the car?!? You are SUCH a girl. What did you buy? I want details and I want them now. Sheesh.</p>

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<p>Original thread: My God have mercy on my soul, but I’ve been going through this, too. I’m a natural-born researcher, I love discovering new things, I have decent people skills, I’m a better-than-average public speaker, I can write more-or-less clearly, I’ve been both a straight-commission sales rep and a big-hourly-ticket technical consultant, and I am bored to tears with my current career. How does being a college counselor sound?</p>

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<p>I’ve always wanted to sell cars. And I feel called to specialize in serving middle-aged female customers.</p>

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I love this!!! I feel that somewhere inside me is the 22 year old I once was, hoping to re-emerge as soon as both kids are launched. I think they’ll be surprised.</p>

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<p>WashDad - lol - I bought a Ford Mustang GT, sports package. My daughter named it Mickey, after St. Michael. My priest spent more time blessing it than he spent blessing our house, I don’t think he wanted his interaction with it to ever end. It’s way cool. Drives like a dream, dual exhaust, makes lots of interesting, happy noises. Sometimes at night I go out to the garage and talk to it, so it doesn’t get lonely while we sleep. :)</p>

<p>But the thread is getting hijacked. Sjmom is right in that many of us are re-emerging and morphing into different people - not better necessarily - just very, very different, and, I think that’s awesome. Dr.Drewsmom is entering the first phase of this insanely fun and interesting time.</p>

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<p>Washdad–
It’s funny you mention college counselor-- After going through this last year of research and preparation with our oldest, I have to admit I found the whole process really interesting. Also, of all the people I’ve met in the past few years, there’s no one who seems to love their job more than son’s GC. This man could easily have retired by now, but loves his work, and the kids are crazy about him. I think it could be a really rewarding job, if done well–</p>