I’m invited to a home party of a professor whom I’m working with next month. Since I’m from Asia, I’m not familiar with the home party culture in the U.S. After some “literature review” on Google, it seems that I should bring something with me…
This is the outline of the party:
at the professor’s house
on Saturday night (6pm~9pm) probably a dinner party but not explicitly mentioned
staff and grad students including post-docs and visiting professors in his research group are invited
the spouse and kids of them are also invited
it is described as “informal party” by himself in the invitation email
the invitation says nothing else… (you know, emails from professors are very short in general…)
The relationship between the professor and me is
we are in the department of bio-engineering.
I’m a 3rd-year male visiting PhD student, temporarily joining his research group for a year.
He is the host of my secondment. So, I’m in the middle between his students and other visiting professors.
I meet him to discuss research once or twice a month.
What should I bring? A bottle of wine? Food? Flower?
I prefer a “safer” option
I wouldn’t bring a box of store-bought cookies. You really don’t need to bring anything. If you think alcohol will be served, then maybe a bottle of wine worth $15 at most. But maybe he isn’t a drinker. The expectations of what a single man would bring to an informal gathering are pretty low.
My dad could have been your professor! He has students over to his home all the time. He really doesn’t expect people to bring him anything. He does NOT drink alcohol, so you can’t assume that everyone does. I think flowers would be nice if you really want to bring him a small gift. Whatever you do, don’t bring him a trinket, souvenir, doll, wall hanging, etc. My parents’ house is OVERFLOWING with gifts like that. Dad doesn’t like to get rid of things, but they sure do clutter up the house.
A bottle of wine or a dessert. Even if the host doesn’t drink, the guests probably do. For a dessert, definitely nothing store bought – go to a nice bakery. Or something along the lines of chocolate covered strawberries.
You could take some nice breakfast muffins from a local bakery in a nice container or bag and put a little note on them that says “Thanks for hosting us–I brought you breakfast for tomorrow morning!”
That way they don’t feel obligated to use your wine or food when they already have something planned. Most hosts would appreciate having breakfast the next morning already taken care of!
You said the party was Saturday night so it may be too late but if you have a small gift of cookies or tea or something from your home country to present, that would be a nice gesture, especially in the context of the coming lunar new year celebrations (if your home country celebrates on that calendar).
After the party, be sure you send a handwritten thank you note to your professor and his spouse (if he’s married and if the spouse was in attendance at the party). Mail it no later than Monday.
I still wouldn’t bring wine. My dad would NOT serve wine in his house for religious reasons. Also, his Muslim students told him they could not attend a party where alcohol was served.
I wouldn’t bring anything that wouldn’t be used at the party, so skip the flowers. If you know people will be drinking at the party, you could bring a bottle of wine. I wouldn’t do this unless you know the professor drinks, because it could backfire as MaineLonghorn points out. The safe option would be some type of food dish. Informal parties are usually potlucks.
Any of your ideas is fine and thoughtful. I think store bought cookies or some type of dessert is fine (like bakery type). Someone from England once brought me English marmalade as a hostess gift. I don’t like marmalade at all but I appreciated the thought and did try it again (and it was better than what I had ever had). Don’t worry too much about it–he isn’t expecting anything.
I actually don’t think you need to bring anything. Professors in my graduate department used to host dinner parties at their apartments all the time, and they would occasionally invite top undergraduate students over. None of the students were ever expected to bring anything.
If you did bring something, I certainly wouldn’t bring wine if you’re an undergrad, particularly if you are under 21. There’s nothing wrong with a box of store-bought cookies or a store-bought dessert. If you bake, you could bring something you baked (I bake and so occasionally I would bring cookies or a pie or a cake or something - but that’s because I really like to bake). Otherwise, just bring yourself.
Depends on the culture, but not in my experience. In my graduate department the only parties that were potlucks were parties that were explicitly labeled as potlucks, and they were pretty rare. Usually the host would provide the food. Even when we graduate students hung out, we used our food budget.
Agree with @juillet - I would not assume that “informal party” equals “pot luck”. In my experience “informal party” means more like a drop-in type party where there’s no formal start or end time. I would find it off if someone brought a food dish if it wasn’t specified as a pot luck.
Can you ask other students if they are bringing anything? I would think you’re not expected to bring anything, but if you feel uncomfortable going empty-handed, I like either the muffin idea or stopping at a bakery for a dessert that could be put out that night or saved for later, depending on the host’s preference.
OP isn’t an undergrad.
“I’m a 3rd-year male visiting PhD student, temporarily joining his research group for a year.”
While no one is every expected to bring something, it is always a nice gesture, especially from a young adult old enough to be at the PhD level. I think the particular choice of what to bring is less important than the gesture.I’d make it more of a small gift for the host/hostess (food is fine) than a contribution to the meal if they did not ask for food as the menu will already be planned and dealing with a last minute addition (space on table, laying it out, getting out a platter, etc.) can be extra work.
Another idea: if the professor is married – you can’t go wrong with flowers. It’s an acknowledgment that the professor’s wife is also likely involved with hosting the students. And most women really like fresh flowers.
My dad has never hosted a potluck for his students. My mom used to do the cooking. The last few years he taught, he had a BBQ or Tex Mex restaurant cater the event (sigh, I miss Texas food…).
I agree that a small box of chocolates is always appreciated. But if you are in a fairly rural or small town area, that can be hard to get. If it’s a casual gathering, it’s fine to just bring a bag of potato chips. Everyone likes them, and it’s better than arriving empty-handed in my opinion.
Wine, flowers, chocolates, etc…are all great, but can get expensive. If you are on a very tight budget, you won’t go wrong with an offer to wash the dishes afterwards.
