<p>I have never written a thank you note when invited to a meal nor have I ever received one. I have never heard of doing that. I do think it is nice to bring a hostess gift of food, flowers or wine. </p>
<p>Seems like a note is overkill when you’ve brought a gift and said thank you in person. Could be we are heathens in my family and circle of friends. It may just be that we don’t see inviting someone to a meal as a big deal, worthy of a thank you note. You send a gift to a wedding, but you don’t write a note thanking them for having you, so it seems a hostess gift would be sufficient.</p>
<p>I often bring desert because that is what I cook the best. Girlfriends of son have brought candy and candles.</p>
<p>My daughter will bring some pistachio nuts and yummy chocolate nonpareils nicely packaged in mason jars and a gift bag. As always, your advice was extremely helpful, especially to stay true to how she has always done things. </p>
<p>I hope she will feel welcomed and comfortable with them. My husband and I are both lucky to have families that embraced us warmly and lovingly during those early years and we hope for the same loving experience for her!</p>
<p>That is lovely peacefulmom. I hope your D has an enjoyable time.</p>
<p>nj–I agree that not every meal needs a handwritten card. A Holiday, where you are not a best friend or relative, and have been included–well, just a nice thing to do.</p>
<p>That said, as we do invite friends for dinners–I don’t need a written thank you. I really do enjoy an email or text or call to say what a nice time they had. Just a nice touch and not forgotten.</p>
<p>Chocolates sound like a great hostess gift. I think a hand-written thank you note is always appropriate–your daughter shouldn’t avoid writing one because her boyfriend didn’t. </p>
<p>I think hand-written thank you notes are something many young people just don’t do, even if they know it’s appropriate. I offered a themed dinner party for 8 as a donation for a charity auction. The couple who bought it were in their 70s as were their guests (who I didn’t know). After the dinner, I received a thank-you note from every couple. The only time I’ve received a thank-you note from someone under 30 was when we gave Red Sox tickets to a friend of younger D. H is a season ticket holder and is often unable to attend each home game (there are 80-some) so he will usually give them away. D’s friend was the only one who sent a written thank-you note afterward. I think that practice is just gone now.</p>
<p>I think thank-you notes depend on geographical area and the culture. In my world they are expected. The absence is noted. A friend new to the area said she was absolutely worn out writing all the thank you notes after dinner parties, because there are so many parties. The notes were a new thing to her. I just automatically do them Monday morning. Another friend suggested we were good enough friends we could skip mutual notes and I said it sounded good to me. We are on the phone anyway so it becomes a bit redundant. Still, if he does a big party requiring a lot of effort, I’ll send a note.</p>
<p>I do get notes from young people after entertaining them. I notice. I’m impressed. That custom isn’t totally gone. And it can never hurt imho. I think a lot of young people these days do their notes by email. My own kids probably do email thank yous more often than “real” notes.</p>
<p>adding:
emphatically agree with Thumper #17</p>
<p>I wouldn’t worry about your D upsetting BF if she sends a thank you note. Depending on the what BF’s mom and him talk about, its possible BF’s mom may not even tell him she received one from D… I haven’t had any of my son’s GF’s over for dinner but if they did I’m not sure if I would mention if I got a thank you.</p>
<p>Just to clarify, I am not concerned with my daughter upsetting her boyfriend by bringing a gift or writing a note if she chooses. I was just being sensitive (and now I realize way overly sensitive) to not making him feel uncomfortable. I like him very much, and my daughter and I are both highly aware of how much influence the culture you were raised in as well as your parents can influence what you do and do not do in so many ways. He is a kind, sweet and gentle (fun and social, too) person who was obviously raised in a loving home. I am glad for all of the gift advice and she feels really good about what she is bringing. Now, if she only knew what to wear :)!</p>
<p>Update-- All went well. The mom didn’t open the gift while she was there, but her bf told her later they liked it. His mother also sent some leftovers over to my daughter’s apartment later that evening. I have suggested she writes a note, but I won’t push it if she doesn’t follow-up on my suggestion.</p>