<p>My daughter is staying in her college town and going to her BF’s parents for Thanksgiving lunch. They have been dating for just shy of a year and this is the first time she is meeting them. In his culture, it is a very big deal to bring someone you are dating to your home. She isn’t sure what they will be serving as they moved here 10 years ago and Thanksgiving is not a part of their culture. My question is, what can she bring that she can buy ahead of time. Thank you for your suggestions!</p>
<p>Baked goods or other sweets is always a good bet. You don’t have to worry about clashing with the main course, and in many cultures it’s a traditional gift anyway.</p>
<p>She should ask her BF if they like chocolates. If they do she might do a web search and find a local place. If I were her parent I would donate $40 and tell her to get a nice amount and to present it as “from my parents and myself” as a gesture of thanks that they have included her in their Holiday.</p>
<p>Or flowers, though some cultures are very particular about which colors are hostess gifts and which are about romantic interest. :)</p>
<p>I agree, a desert is always nice to bring. Perhaps an apple pie, pecan or pumpkin pie or a plate of cookies. Apple cider from the local farm store is a thought.</p>
<p>I like the idea of special chocolates, especially if there is a local candy shop that specializes in chocolates. As an alternative perhaps she (or you) could find one online and receive the order prior to Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>Is there any type of small bakery in her town from which she could purchase some delicious small cakes or cookies? </p>
<p>What about a basket of fresh fruit? I’m thinking about something like one would purchase from Harry and David, but perhaps grown nearby? </p>
<p>When possible I always like to give some local specialty food or dessert as a hostess gift.</p>
<p>I would stay away from trying to contribute to the meal and focus on a gift that can be shared that day or used later.</p>
<p>DS went to parents of a friend last year. He took a nicely potted mum, and an apple pie. He also wrote them a NICE thank you note that he mailed the following day.</p>
<p>Thumper1nailed it…the thank you note afterwards will speak volumes.</p>
<p>Nice chocolates or flowers. I agree about giving something that can be eaten outside of the meal. And the thank you note is key. 
If S ever brings a GF home for Thanksgiving, I would not be thrilled to receive a store-bought pie. (Although I would very much appreciate the gesture and would die before letting her know. 
)</p>
<p>Depending on the culture, avoid mums. They are often associated with death. In cultures that honor the dead on All Saint’s Day, mums are always taken to the cemeteries. Americans generally don’t have that association since our day for putting flowers on graves is Memorial Day. I know more than a few foreign students who were taken aback at receiving mums in the fall from well-meaning American friends.</p>
<p>I would go with something like a pie or plate of cookies. Who doesn’t like pie and cookies? :)</p>
<p>DS girl friend and her grandmother from out west always send us homemade treats which are often unique to their hometown. Both always send wonderful thank you notes - so heartfelt and wonderful to receive.</p>
<p>Unfortunately my daughter inherited my challenge for cooking and would not want to bring a home-baked item that she cooked. One concern I have is that we hosted him for one week at our home this past summer and he did not bring anything nor write a thank you note. I wouldn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable about not doing so, as we like him very much and we know that he appreciated his time at our home. I am thinking she could bring a mason jar filled with yummy nonpareil chocolates. I would consider a small container such that it was a sweet little something and not overdone. I think this may be more understated than a formal box of chocolates. She really does not want to make him or his family feel uncomfortable in anyway. Any thoughts on this idea?</p>
<p>Regarding thank you notes, we are obsessed as a family with handwritten notes, and I am sure she will send one the next day. However, she wants to be sensitive to the fact that he didn’t write one and wouldn’t want him to feel at all uncomfortable.</p>
<p>PS-- Her boyfriend is a great cook. She thinks all of his family likes to cook and LOVES to eat. All boys/men in the family except for his mom.</p>
<p>The jar of chocolates sounds like a great idea.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be so worried about making him or his family uncomfortable because HE didn’t follow our custom- it may have slipped his mind and his mother may appreciate the touch. </p>
<p>Chocolate and/or flowers are so traditional in the US that I can’t see it sending any other message than thoughtfulness and appreciation. Modest is fine.</p>
<p>I think a non-chocolate dessert is a little safer. Chocolate can have the connotation of being romantic or for little kids in some cultures. Something with fruit and/or nuts seems safer to me.</p>
<p>That being said, we’re overthinking it into the ground at this point.</p>
<p>Peacefulmom…your daughter’s manners in this situation should NOT be tied into her BF’s lack of same. She should do what is right. He probably won’t even notice…and if he does and says something…your daughter can always respond…“I like to bring a thank you when I’m visiting others.” end of discussion. Maybe the BF will get a simple Miss Manners lesson out of it.</p>
<p>Defending the BF…he probably didn’t even think of a small gift, and my bet is he did NOT ask his own mother her opinion!</p>
<p>My girls would have told their BF to bring something to our house. To me it is just bizarre to show up at someone’s house empty handed. I do agree with Thumper that just because the BF didn’t do it doesn’t mean OP’s daughter should forget about how she was brought up.</p>
<p>Is there a home-town specialty that you could send her to take with her (I’m thinking of things like NY bagels, Washington apples, Marionberry jam from Oregon, that kind of thing?)–a friend just came to visit and brought local honey from her farmer’s market (in Montana) as another example.</p>
<p>Peaceful Mom, could you share what culture it is, and what part of the U.S. the family has been living for the past 10 years? Then those that have connections to that culture and/or area of the U.S. might be able to be more accurate in what is appreciated vs. offensive.</p>