@wis75, I think that people tend stay on the same coast where they raised their family.
oops I meant 1979–Gads! I am old.
Something makes me pause about ever “leaving” where the kids are. Not them being the first to leave…but DH and I. My parents moved away 23 years ago to FL when my son was one. DH’s mom moved away 13 years ago when when the kids were 11 and 8. The distance really effected the relationship between us and the grandkids. Not being a regular part of our lives, the conversations become more, I don’t know how to put it, superficial to some extent. The kids love them, but it’s just different. The bond unraveled somewhat between the 2 sets. There’s not the comfort when we all visit, mostly them here.
Instead of seeing my parents a few hours a week here and there, and being part of each other’s lives, I dread the visits by the 2nd dsy, feeling that it is almost intrusive and that I have to entertain the whole time, which is just talk, talk, talk. After a couple hours I just need a break. When you live close by you just go home. Even if it’s a weekend visit, your so familiar with each other that you typically just go do what you want.
It is different, and I read an article about this older parents moving away and the disintegration of the relationship to some extent. We are actually living that with both sets. Dad died last year and it didn’t seem to effect the kids more than the normal first day shock of it. I don’t think about him much as I only saw him maybe 2, 3 times a year.
I don’t want that with my kids. I think if they leave, and I then want to, I’d feel better. But honestly, I don’t think I will ever leave them after experiencing what we both have.
Good point, conmama. My kids adore their grandparents, but it has been hard being 12 hours away from them. It would have been wonderful for all of us to have lived closer. That’s why our retirement location will be close to where my kids end up. There are other benefits to that location of course, but this is big for us.
The grandparents I was closest to moved to Florida when I was a teenager. I kept in touch with them with letter writing when I lived in Europe, and then when H and I moved to Miami when he went to graduate school, we used to drive across Alligator Alley to go visit them. The nice thing was, it was like no time had passed for picking up the relationship, and they adored H.
The other grandmother, who stayed in my hometown area, didn’t make a lot of effort with my brother or I, but a lot of that came from family dynamics stemming from my parents (I didn’t meet that set until I was 5). I think they were sort of afraid to bond with us because my parents are notorious for cutting people off.
My three best friends from high school all still live in MA, and I get up there every few years and we all hang out. It’s like no time has passed in terms of comfort. We do all keep in touch with a group email that’s been going on for decades.
One of the reasons that we’re looking at doing a liveaboard boat for a few years is that it gives us the opportunity to be “no coasters”-we’d just go where the people are that we want to see.
Part of that is stemming from the thought that we don’t want the kids to feel obligated to take a job to stay close to us. Having a boat removes that worry for them-they can go anywhere and we’ll come visit!
Except maybe Colorado-I don’t know how we’d get a 50 foot boat to the Rockies, lol.
@patsmom Ahh the good old FLETC days! I attended in 1992 and taught there from 2001 to 2005 (purchasing my first home on St. Simons Island!) My hubby’s home was built by his grandfather who worked on a plantation. His grandfather purchased the land and as the plantation owner built homes he gave grandfather the left over wood. We’ve received offers in upwards of $1million but we know it’s the land they want. The closer the land is to the pier the more it’s worth. This little slice of heaven will be handled down to our sweet girl and her’s afterwords. We plan to do some remodeling on the inside but the outside (other than a paint job) will remain the same.
I love this thread. H and I have been thinking of many of the same things that others have posted but there a few things that get mentioned that hadn’t occurred to us before.
I looked at St Simon’s Island after seeing it mentioned here. It looks good in many ways but I worry about an island with one bridge access to the mainland (what happens if the bridge is flooded or damaged in a storm), and low lying coastal islands that may flooding issues. I like the idea of living on the coast but think I need higher ground.
The grandparent issue is a real one. DH’s parents moved to FL before they had grandchildren. My kids saw them once or twice a year. My ILs never appreciated how difficult/costly it was for us to visit them with 2 kids, especially considering they had a small 2br condo which meant we needed a hotel when we visited them.
I had a close relationship with my grandparents and regretted that my kids never had that kind of relationship with theirs. I’d hope to be able to visit my grandchildren, when they exist, frequently enough to be a part of their lives.
@me29034 – coastal flooding and sea level rise were the main reasons that when we bought our house near the Jersey Shore, it’s on the mainland and fairly elevated. Not as picturesque as the barrier islands, but much less stress when the storms come–and there’s no doubt that flooding is increasing every year in the low-lying areas.
The grandparent relationship is exactly why we aren’t moving away. H’s parents do not have a good relationship with their grandchildren because they chose to retire away from the family. They finally realized they were lonely and had no family around them so they moved back to MN but far enough away that we couldn’t see them on a regular basis. Never made sense to me.
Sea level rise is a real concern to us in our selected location. We are moving to a 60-year-old cottage next door to my father’s 60-year-old home. We have noticed an increase in the number of high tides that go over his pier. It used to go over the pier once or twice a year, now it is more like once or twice a month. We tell our kids not to count on this property as part of their inheritance. It is a place for us to enjoy now.
@BerneseMtnMom you can have most houses raised on stilts now. It’s not cheap, but it will protect your investment.
http://www.improvenet.com/r/costs-and-prices/raise-foundation-cost-estimator
One thing we considered was ease of people traveling to where we are. Our first retirement plan (while we lived in Texas) involved western Colorado. We bought a great lot in a neat town (not a true resort town, but close to some big ski resorts). However- it was 3 hours from Denver with some closer small airports but expensive fares. Major medical care would also involve Denver. As we got older, we also realized we didn’t want that much winter, even though our town was a lower elevation than the resort towns. And construction costs were astronomical Once we moved to middle Tennessee and realized how easy it was for folks to travel to here and for us to travel, we changed our plan. Also, a lot of people come to this area on business or vacation and we get to see them. I’m not counting on having grandchildren and would actually prefer not to have them (although I’m sure I would adore them if they happened…), so that wasn’t a consideration.
@me29034 I completely understand your concern regarding the flooding issue.
This document provides very good information regarding the flooding potential and mitigation.
https://www.glynncounty.org/DocumentCenter/Home/View/11867
While our flood insurance premiums have gone up over the years, St. Simons Island has completely reinforced the causeway and rebuilt/raise a large section of it. My family has lived there for generations and encountered some flooding a very long time ago.
There are so many weather and seismological related events that can occur no matter where one chooses to live…I’m gonna enjoy southern living, fishing, crabbing, bike riding etc for as long as the good Lord allows it [-O<
@MotherOfDragons lol. It already is on stilts!
@HappyFace2018 I am with you. My kids can find their own fun, but for me, I will enjoy the present.
Well, you can always vote in politicians who give a rat’s patootie about climate change and its scientific foundations and don’t see it as some leftist conspiracy. 
Ohhhh watch out now @doschicos :))
Or buy a Tesla and put solar panels on my roof! Just doing my part.
haha. This showed up on my Facebook feed. Very timely. 
What a great thread. I’m in the camp with those who feel like they’ve spent years creating community, building friendships, etc. and are not sure what or where they’d move TO. We settled in the Bay Area and it has everything we love: easy access to the ocean as well as the mountains, excellent medical care, a political climate in which we’re comfortable, a Jewish community, wonderful climate, local universities, etc. We are incredibly lucky in that we bought our home 25 years ago and have paid it off. Thus, for us, the Bay Area is affordable.
A bonus, that just occurred to me a few years ago, is that everything dh and I use and need is on the level you enter the house. The kids’ bedrooms and playroom are downstairs. Thus, we really can age here for years and, although none of my kids are seeing anyone serious at this point, I love the idea of keeping the house so they and their future families, should they choose to have them, can stay here when they visit. Of course, we have no idea where they’ll settle but they would all love to be back here at some point.
The one thing I miss is a beach with warm water. My fantasy includes a condo somewhere on the east coast where we could spend a few months of the year and rent it out the rest of the year. Rather skeptical this will ever really happen but I still fantasize about it so I’m taking notes about the beach communities people are mentioning in the Carolinas, Georgia and Florida!