<p>fn, Thank goodness your SIL has you. You are absolutely correct that action needs to be taken and waiting for blood relatives is just not an option anymore, which is a shame but bless you for stepping up. Truly, you are a wonderful SIL.</p>
<p>After you are assured your SIL is safe (or has someplace to go in an absolute emergency)someone must speak with the family doctor.<br>
We cannot guess here what is wrong. It could be current meds, some underlying illness or dementia. Getting a lawyer may be important, but he/she cannot diagnose and treat the BIL. IMO, having dealt with a similar situation, competency hearings require medical evaluation first and some attempt to medically manage the situation. If it were so easy to declare incompetency, think of all the disgruntled spouse who would go that route.
Get the family doctor involved immediately. Document the problems- a summary of problems in the recent past and then a running journal of present symptoms. Note other issues as well- sleep disturbances, urinary issues, mood swings, everything. Good Luck.</p>
<p>In this area, a competency evaluation is done as a legal matter. That is, if a person is seeking guardianship over person or property, they file a form in Magistrates court. The person filing the form is ususally filing to request guardianship. In this case, it is unclear who would be petitioning for guardianship. If the patient has been seen by a doctor within 10 days of the filing of this petition, the doctor can sign the petition to be taken to the court. The tricky part is that if the patient is being seen by the Dr. specifically for question re: competence/guardianship, that typically is not considered medically necessary by insurance standards and insurance may not cover the asessment. The safest route is to have the pt seen by a neurologist for eval of his cognitive status. The neurologist may refer to either a psychiatrist for eval (given the psychiatric symptoms) and/or a neuropsychologist for further diagnostic clarification. Any one of those doctors signs guardianship papers. The courts may request an independent asessment to protect the rights of the client. Hope this helps.</p>
<p>I know couple like this–similar ages, similar circumstances. However, the man became sexually obsessed and wanted to discuss his “problems”–always with female doctors and younger female members of their very conservative church congregation. The wife left–after more than 50 years of marriage, 12 children–and is hiding out with one of her kids in another state. No one will have any contact with the husband/dad or tell him where his wife is. They feel they are protecting her.
Unfortunately, the guy wanders around–neighbors help him out but he is somewhat of a burden on his community.
All I can say is good luck. It does sound like Alzheimer’s or some sort of dementia.</p>
<p>atomom,
Sexual preoccupation can be a sign of Picks SDisease, a form of dementia. Undarstandible thet family is creeped out by the behavior, but it is a true disase, and warrants eval by a neurologist if it hasnt happened yet. So sorry for the difficulty.</p>
<p>Jym, I suspected Pick’s with my mom. Unfortunately, the neurologist had no interest in listening to my thoughts (or observations) even though I flew to FL for an appointment because I didn’t feel that doctors seemed to be on the right track with her diagnosis. I never got the chance to push the issue, unfortunately, due to other health issues that resulted in her death a few months later. My mom was evaluated over a period of several months at a famous clinic, and frankly I felt like the doctors had made up their minds that my mom had depression rather than an underlying issue that was causing depression. It was so incredibly frustrating. I do hope that OP’s family can find doctors who will actually listen to them.</p>
<p>Kelsmom,</p>
<p>Classically frontal dementias (Picks, Lewy Body, etc) aren’t all that common, and are easily missed by even well meaning providers. Was your mom in N FL? At Mayo?</p>
<p>Yes. It isn’t fair to say that they misdiagnosed her, of course, because it was still a work in progress (and I can’t be sure what my parents did/did not share with the doctors prior to my visit). I was very surprised by the lack of interest in my observations, though, when we met with the neurologist. The pain management doctor paid more attention, but he did warn me that it would probably take awhile to figure out what was happening. I know the doctors are really busy, but I felt so … “unheard.” I have actually considered writing both to share my feelings, but I am not sure that is appropriate. I absolutely do not blame them for anything in any way. I would just like for them to know that I felt that perhaps they might have been more interested in what I had to offer. </p>
<p>I can honestly say that brain-based issues are so incredibly difficult for all involved, in so many ways.</p>
<p>So sorry to hear about this but I agree that getting S to a safe place is paramount and urgent. It does sound very scary for her. I hope that after she’s somewhere safe, BIL can get a proper evaluation, taking whatever steps are necessary, including attorneys, docs and anything else needed. </p>
<p>I’m sure the shelter is familiar with the needs of folks in your S’s situation (including helping them get legal services) and she is SO FORTUNATE you are helping at this very challenging and difficult time. Sad that her blood relatives have not stepped forward.</p>
<p>Whatever your S can get together, she should try to ASAP, especially any financial stuff, ID, some clothing, etc.</p>
<p>It’s always frustrating when we try to offer observations and thoughts connected with an evaluation of a complex condition and feel the doc “tunes us out.” I have had this happen several times but was able to switch docs to find one who would listen and work with me and the other docs on my medical team.</p>
<p>I agree that neuro issues are extremely complex and challenging for everyone–loved ones, healthcare professionals and especially spouse and kids. </p>
<p>Hubby’s best friend’s W is having neuro challenges as well & they say it’s not something they can pinpoint other than knowing it isn’t alzheimers, at this point. They agree something is “off,” but that isn’t very helpful to anyone.</p>