I had a fight/argument/misunderstanding with a close friend last weekend. I don’t know if calling it a fight is correct, but it was really making me mad. I am not entirely free of guilt, either. Here’s what happened from the beginning:
Two weeks ago, I made an inappropriate joke to my friend. She said it was a really creepy joke. She wasn’t mad at me, but she was creep out. I apologized to her many many times until she forgives me. She asked her friends and her sister if it was possible to be accidentally creepy. Some of them said maybe, some said no, that it doesn’t matter. Her sister went so far to say that she should keep distance and find other friends. I said to her that at this point, she can do what she feels is right. I won’t blame her, because after all, it was my fault. She said it’s okay and that she was willing to talk to me again. That was last week.
A few days later, in the weekend, she was hanging out with her friends. She let them play with her phone and sent text messages to me and her sister. These are also the friends that she asked about the creepy thing. I could tell it was anyone but her because the texts were really different. I felt they were somewhat aggressive. I wasn’t sure if they were just kidding or not, but I was a little frustrated. This guy said that she is too good to hangout with me, that I am a creep, that I am making her uncomfortable, and I’m taking advantage of her innocent heart. What happened last time was still lingering on my mind, and I knew he must have been reading our texts, or knew what happened between us to a certain extent. I was starting to get mad and told him to piss off and give the phone back to her. We threatened to beat up each other. In the end, I said I will have a talk with her at night, and just ignored him.
Let me just point this out: I have used her phone to prank text her sister before, but I never said anything out of line or insulted her. Her sister called her and knew I was behind the phone. That was it. I knew that was her friends, so I was waiting for her to contact me and clarified what happened. She didn’t. So I texted her, told her to let me know when she can talk. Her response really made me lost it: “Why do you want to talk to me? What do you want to talk about?”. I was really angry and insulted, because it seems like she has absolutely no consideration or respect. I asked her what the f. happened. She said that she was driving yesterday, so her friends were playing with her phone. I asked how come she didn’t say anything after that. She said her phone was out of battery. She even thought it was funny what her friends did. She said her friends texted me and her sister, and her sister was pissed as well. But since they already knew each other, it wasn’t as bad. To be fair, while I did prank her sister before, it was never anything over the top. I was furious at the guy who texted me those texts and perhaps she could feel I was unusually violent. I stopped talking when she was surprised to realize I was angry. I wanted to cool off and let her do some thinking. Furthermore, I was shocked at the fact that she would ask me why I wanted to talk to her.
The next morning, what she did really made me disappointed. She explained what happened yesterday, analyzed the texts, and said that I hurt her feelings, provoked her, and that the other guy meant no harm. I don’t know why but she asked me if he was a girl, would I have said that? Like it mattered to me somehow. I said that her phone running out of battery is excusable, but why didn’t she charge it when she gets home and clarify things to me? I expected that she might have been busy or still with her friends, so I asked her when she can talk. I wouldn’t have been so mad if it wasn’t for her response “Why do you want to talk to me?”. I said I don’t care who the other guy is, male or female. It was really beyond what I would consider to be a joke, because what he said was too horrendous. At least I didn’t go overboard with her sister. She asked how it was her fault. I explained that it was her fault because she let her friends text other people and pissed them off. She didn’t clarify things with anyone. I said she lacked consideration and respect, and she should have known common decency. I couldn’t tell what was going on behind those texts, and the way she responded last night angered me even more. I was also mad at her friends, the same ones who said I was making excuses for that creepy joke to avoid responsibility. I did apologize and make it clear it I didn’t mean it. But this time, they crossed the line and not a single explanation was given. I feel that they were acting like irresponsible spoiled brats. I accused her of running away from responsibility and shifting the blame. Not just that, but her friends, assuming they were joking, were acting really inappropriate, yet, all she said was “it’s just his sense of humor”. I sure didn’t get such an easy pass last time. I also have a sense of humor, and I like dark humor, so I am quite open to jokes. But what happened yesterday, to me, didn’t seem like a joke at all. I told her that I am the one who was provoked and my feelings were hurt. How she responded last night was like adding fuel to the fire, and saying that I hurt her feelings is like adding salt to the wounds. I actually wondered if she was reading those texts he sent me or not. I am amazed that she didn’t see anything wrong with them.
She finally apologized, on behalf of her friends as well, and said that it’s her fault. She hid her friend list from everyone so we won’t find each other and start fight. Weird thing is, he doesn’t know my account, and I wouldn’t start such a random fight over the internet. She said she doesn’t want things to get worse. I am actually disappointed because she should have had more faith in her friends. I told her again that she is free to do what she wants in her best interest, just like what I said last week. She said she’s sorry again. I have stopped texting her since Monday. I feel like I was being too nice to her, and maybe that must have given them the idea that I am a pushover. It always happen when I am too nice to someone, like at work. I wanted to see if she cares about me or not. If she does, she’ll start talking to me first. I also want to have time to cool off as well. What she said on Sunday still haunts me.
Should I consider this a lost cause? Maybe I should just leave this behind and move on? Or should I give her time to reconsider her act and see if she cares about me? What else should I do? I might have been really harsh when I texted her, but I don’t hold back on criticism. Guess being nice has its drawbacks.