<p>I feel this would be a better place to post this.</p>
<p>I just found out that my boyfriend of three years had sex with a good friend of mine while drunk. We live together. All of his stuff is out on the porch. </p>
<p>Everything hurts.</p>
<p>Call your mom.</p>
<p>Call a different best friend. </p>
<p>Call the friend you have who hates him. There’s always one.</p>
<p>dump him…</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Keep his stuff on the porch! I like your style. When I was your age I went over to a guy’s house with a 30-pound bag of dry dog food, rang his bell and when he answered: opened it, turned it upside down and dumped it all over his doorstep and feet. That’s before people lived together so much.</p></li>
<li><p>When he tells you he “couldn’t help it because he was drunk,” don’t accept that as any kind of excuse - since HE chose to get drunk before he was drunk.</p></li>
<li><p>Be sure your information source is accurate.</p></li>
<li><p>Decide if you want to be treated this way again; if so, let him back into your life.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Oops, didn’t mean to post in Parent Cafe. Oh well. Thanks for the advice. I guess he took advantage of her.</p>
<p>Oh, I’m so sorry. Do what P3T said. Do not be a doormat on his way back into your place. Just do not do anything stupid (like a one night stand as a revenge). You might want to talk to a psychologist or a professional counselor at some point, because if your heart was really attached to him, you might experience severe emotional distress. It is OK to vent your emotions here in the Cafe - we are a collective crying shoulder to many.</p>
<p>I vote for dumping him. Life is too short, and there are too many good men, to put up with this kind of disrespect, especially so early in your relationship. This won’t be the last time. Painful as I know it must be, listen to your gut and move on.</p>
<p>get better friends who don’t sleep with your BF</p>
<p>
Good for you. </p>
<p>I’m sorry it hurts. You could be married for 3 years with a child. It happened to a friend of mine.</p>
<p>So sorry to hear of your troubles. But as one of the other posts on another thread says, “When someone shows you who they are, believe him.”</p>
<p>He took advantage of her? So she has reported it as a rape? If not dump them both.</p>
<p>See if you can change lock on door. Make sure you change your passwords on e-mail, FB, whatever.</p>
<p>Trust and respect are so critical to a good relationship. I don’t buy the “drunk” excuse, and poor judgment.</p>
<p>Some of us older CCers have lived thru this experience, and others have friends who faced the betrayal and hurt, so we are can lend support. So far you have gotten great advice. (I find it hard to picture p3t with the dog food, but respect her feistiness, and she is one of wisest voices here). You are hurt now, and soon will be angry. Seek counseling, the comfort of GOOD friends, take up kickboxing.</p>
<p>I agree that putting all his stuff on the front porch was a good start. I also agree, it’s kind of a shame you can’t put all your friend’s stuff on the porch, too.</p>
<p>They both betrayed your trust. And right now, you’re (understandably and appropriately) angry and upset. You shouldn’t decide anything once and for all in this condition.</p>
<p>But once you are rational enough to make some sensible decisions, you should bear the following in mind:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>This was your boyfriend. You’re not married, and you don’t have children together. (Make that, I really hope you don’t have children together.) If there are no children, you have no obligation to stay connected to him, and very few impediments to breaking it off completely and permanently if you choose to do so.</p></li>
<li><p>It is your prerogative to take him back if you want to. If I were you, I don’t think I’d want to take him back unless he demonstrated a lot of contrition, and the near certainty that he’d make me a lot happier for decades than I was miserable right now.</p></li>
<li><p>“Drunk” is never a good excuse.</p></li>
<li><p>1, 2 and 3 above apply to your girl friend as well as your boyfriend.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Oh…and I should add, I’m really sorry.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Hmmm, seriously? Well, if that’s true, a double reason to dump him. REALLY.</p>
<p>^^She was more drunk than he was?</p>
<p>I’ve been there. I know how much it hurts. You have the right instincts, putting his stuff on the porch. Talk to your friends and cry as much as you want to. In a couple of weeks, watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall.</p>
<p>STAY STRONG. Neither one of them deserves a second chance. Always trust your first instinct.</p>
<p>I’m kind of moralistic about sexual infidelity, so I agree that neither of them deserves a second chance.</p>
<p>On the other hand, it’s your life and not mine, so I would add that if, some time AFTER all the crying and the viewing of “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” you decide that you actually want to give either of them a second chance, there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with that. It’s totally up to you. If some day you think there’s good reason for you to do so, fine. If you never think there’s good reason for you to do so, also fine. But unless you’ve withheld a major secret, you don’t owe either of them a damn thing.</p>
<p>Also remember that there are millions and millions of potential partners out there. I’m NOT of the belief that there’s just one mate meant for each of us. I think we can be happy with many and even ecstatic with a few. It doesn’t sound like this fellow falls into either of those categories.</p>
<p>The hardest part is the realization that you “wasted” that much time on him - that you don’t want someone new to reap the benefits of the hard work you put into the relationship. That being said - don’t waste one more minute on him. Ditch the friend too. Neither is worthy of your trust or friendship. Stay strong. Do NOT let him back in.</p>