And won’t say why. I mean, I have an idea. This person’s child called me first to tell me he was accepted to a college before he told her. So, I get why she’s upset- but I didn’t ask him to call me first!
Any suggestions on what to do?
Give her time, if she is really a friend she will get over it. Time heals usually.
I personally would ignore it and act normally. If someone wont be upfront about the problem, it’s hard to discuss and try to remedy the situation!
Why, in your view, did the child tell you first? And how did the mother find that out?
I think the other mom is probably jealous. I’d just let it be and hope it blows over.
@sylvan8798 I think he told me first because I helped him with the application and because he knows this college is not his mom’s first choice for him (it is, however, his first choice).
When he called me, one of my first questions was “have you told your mom yet?” He said (I thought anyway) that she walked in while he was talking to me about the acceptance and she got mad and took a walk. But apparently she didn’t know because a little later I texted “I heard the news” thinking she would want to talk about it and she said she had no idea what I was talking about. Then she went home and her son told her- but she knew he told me first because of my (admittedly stupid) text.
Thing is, you didn’t do anything wrong, neither did her son, it just stings when your kid goes to someone else for something you wish they’d come to you first. It is what it is. If she is a real friend all will likely end up forgiven.
It sounds like she has a lot to sort out, in terms of what the son is doing and your role in that, so maybe it’s better to back off for now.
@sylvan8798 Yep, I think you’re right.
She might be mad because she thinks you influenced him toward a college she doesn’t like. That would probably annoy me, too — at least in the moment. And if the reason I didn’t like it was financial, then I’d be more than annoyed. Or if it was far away and I was hoping he’d stay closer — again, I’d be pretty ticked off.
Maybe if it works out well for him, she will thaw eventually.
Why did you help him with his app? I wouldn’t be weighing in on another family’s application process unless the parents asked for help. It’s after May 1st, so he should have deposited somewhere by now, shouldn’t he?
@austinmshauri—This is family. I don’t think I can say more than that on CC for privacy reasons. Anyway, his mom knew I was helping- in fact, I talked to her and said I wouldn’t help if she didn’t want me to and she said, no, he’s going to apply anyway, it’s fine. I didn’t try to go behind her back at all.
Also, he’s a transfer student so deposits aren’t due yet.
I wouldn’t worry too much about it then. He probably told you because he knew you’d share his excitement. Once he chooses a school, she’ll probably get over it.
I might suggest to the student that he have a talk with his mother about the conversation. Let him apologize to her if it’s appropriate. It’s he who hurt her, not you.
She’s hurt he didn’t go to her first, and it sounds like she’s taking it out on you. I would feel exactly the same way. I wouldn’t ignore it. I’d email her if that’s easier and even tell her you understand how she might be hurt, as you would feel the same (wouldn’t you?). Then I’d say he probably told you first because he knew you would be more excited for this college…tell her the truth in your thoughts. I’d also add you had no intention of stepping on toes or trying to be more than helpful. I’d tell her if she wants to talk about please tell you, as you’re not sure what you did wrong.
She’ll most likely come around. You may even have a few angry words, but it will clear the air.