91 YO mother lives with wife and me and has for over a decade. Health is OK but won’t really travel on cruises or long driving vacations. Used to be able to drop her off at her grandkids for a few weeks but since we retired they are far away. After 6 months we have the itch to take a nice two week trip somewhere. BUT we don’t know what we can do with her. Can’t leave her alone that long either. Overnight is our standard limit. What do other folks do in these situations?
I just ‘babysat’ for my friend’s MIL who lives next door. She’s probably a little more secluded than your MIL as my charge doesn’t drive (never did) and her husband just died last year. I’ve done it twice this spring. Friend’s H makes sure she had everything she needs for the week, food and medicine, and the I sleep at friend’s house and just check on her a couple of times. Once she took me to dinner, the second time to breakfast. She’s nice and I’ve known her for 20 years. They also make sure her daughter calls her more during that week. There are two grandchildren still in the area, but one is useless and the other lives about an hour away and is a fireman and does shift work.
So that’s an option, get a house sitter. Another option is have a grandchild come stay with her.
Several years ago we were in the same situation. We found a very nice assisted living area that had respite care. They took care of our mother for about two weeks while we took our sister (the caretaker) on a much needed vacation.
Most caregiver agencies have short term care and can come in for whatever hours you decide you might need them. Just be sure to specify that she doesn’t necessarily need nursing care so much as someone to check on her, do meals, and help with everyday things, or whatever services you normally provide. Some assisted living homes have short term care so that you can place someone for 1 or two weeks, although that is definitely more difficult to find. Try calling your local chapter of Area Agency on Aging or your Ombudsman organization to see if they have a list of caregivers. One of the caregivers we use for my Mom is in a nursing program nearby and we have had great luck getting other nursing students from that program to fill in for her. You might call a local college to see if they have an employment placement service- especially since students may be looking for some extra money during the summer.
@barrons
Before my mom passed away in February, my H and I had the same discussion. We had found a local “one on one” care business who had several options and types of care. To “ease” my mom into the idea of someone coming in, we had the caregiver start with twice a week. The plan was to increase the time to four times a week but unfortunately within a month mom had fallen unconscious and had to be taken to the hospital and from there went into nursing home care.
We did not have a nurse during the twice a week, her caregiver was a certified (?) nurse, one who would help with meals, bathing, and conversation.
You might want to post this question in the Parents taking care of parents forum as there are several people there who could give you some great ideas.
I’ve gone up and stayed with my Mom when my brother’s family needed a break, but not for two full weeks! The local assisted living lets people stay there for short stays and when my Dad was alive, but not capable of taking care of himself my mother availed themselves of their services. My mother now has someone who comes in every morning for a few hours to make sure she gets out of bed and takes her pills - which my sil was finding pretty exhausting - that person is also available to spend the night. My mother doesn’t need round the clock care, but she really is no longer capable of dealing with her pills. It’s nice if the person who house sits is familiar.
My brother had one of the grandchildren come to visit her for the week. Grandchild was in their 20’s and lived on the far coast. It was a great chance for them to have time together.
I would call a home care agency for a short-term live-in companion/caregiver.
Senior respite care exists in many communities as others have mentioned. Also, care agencies vet their help to varying degrees, and are often excellent. One can call a local AL and see if there is an agency who frequently has private companions in their facility. It adds a layer of accountability.
If you think a care facility is in her future and would like to look in that direction, researching respite care is a good idea, make sure it looks good with a visit and have her try it as groundwork for the future. If she is likely to spend her life in your house, developing a relationship with a home care agency could be a good step. If you are doing home care, have a few visits in advance of the trip so that she can meet the players, routines can be explained, comfort developed while you are home, and any ones that really don’t click can be eliminated from the rotation. Agencies deal with personality matches and trouble-shooting all the time. (Of course, if she is never happy with anything day to day, one may have to make it work as well as possible.)
Good luck and happy travels.
A relative in our family actually anticipated this issue. She started to have help from a home health companions agency just once a week for several hours. That way she gained confidence in the agency and the staff they sent. When she made her first trip away (three days) she felt confident leaving her spouse.
Since, she has gone on trips up to two weeks in length.
So establish a relationship with one of the home companion agencies that deals with seniors in your area.
We used both assisted living facility respite care and then visiting home health aids when FIL expressed a real desire to remain at the house in his familiar surroundings. The aids helped with meals (I premade and froze his favs), meds and personal hygiene.
Thanks for all the good suggestions. More options out there than we knew about.
My city has day care and everything in between for the elderly.
I also tried out a few care givers. Finally found one my dad liked. I kept increasing her time and she was with him until the end. She brought In a friend to spend the night in last month. I had moved my dad into an ALF last 4 months of his life, and I visited almost daily, but he needed more supervision.
Point is, find someone who your parent feels comfortable with prior to your vacation. Keep them on.
It depends on the personality of your mother. Will moving her to an assisted living for a couple of weeks completely freak her out? Does she have any dementia issues? Will she struggle and fight against the caregivers if she isn’t familiar with the place? OTOH, if you think a move to a facility is in her future, this would be a great way to try one out for a short stay.
As others have suggested, bringing in a helper to get your mom familiar with her now would be good. It lets you build up trust, lets the worker learn your mom’s routine, and hopefully mom will be cooperative with the worker as they spend more time together.
Whatever you do, start the routine now and give mom a chance to get used to the idea. Take her to lunch at the assisted living place, let her stay and play bingo there, etc.
It might be you need to go through several caregiver situations to find the right one for your family.
Good luck. This vacation is important. Getting away for a break is a much needed respite for you and your wife. Don’t let the frustrations of finding the right way to care for your mom keep you from getting away.