@Hunt … Funny you mention that. I recently ran across two letters from my past that I got rid of. One was from a guy who almost came between me and then-bf/now dh. I tossed it because I didn’t want my kids to find it and wonder WTH that was about. The second piece was a card from my maid of honor, who must have been drunk or something and sent me this really profane note with TMI about a recent date. I didn’t want my kids to think this correspondence reflected my usual conversations! Seriously, it would have made a sailor blush!
Is the china something you like? If so, maybe keep a cup and saucer if you’re a tea drinker or keep just the salad plates. I love mixing different salad plates with other china. But I feel your pain - I have two sets of china and chrystal that were my H’s mom’s. He thinks they are keepers. I don’t like the crystal and while the china is pretty (old cherry blossom one), it’s not my style. For now we have plenty of room so it’s nicely packed up but neither of my girls will want it. My youngest is a tea drinker and might like a cup or two.
I like my wedding dress if you get rid of extreme sleeves, but both Ds are taller by several inches. I have keep probably a handful of baby clothes that were bought, but have packed away all of the smocked and fancy sewing technique dresses I made for them.
Sometimes it’s hard to know what we will feel sentimental about. For me a few pieces of furniture and some little china animals that were in great-grandfather’s house and are the epitome of clutter!
You have to be careful with old china as some of it contains lead. I picked out a few pieces from my parents’ set to keep for decoration only and got rid of the rest as it’s no longer safe to eat/drink from.
I agree with the others @Hunt . Read your letters one last time, then pitch them. If your wife doesn’t care, then keep them. I got rid of all my photos of my first serious boyfriend before I got married. When my aunt died, I inherited her photo albums. She had pics of me at 18 with my boyfriend. I reminisced a little, enjoyed seeing them, then said goodbye. What would my DH think if I held on to them? Why ask. Does that man mean anything to me? No. But my DHs feelings me so much.
“And what about old love letters–especially those from old girlfriends I DIDN’T marry?”
Those should’ve been history a while back.
" I’ve often heard people say “I wonder what happened to X, Y or Z” (a cherished item of parents or grandparents) or “We made a mistake giving that away”."
Not for long though. They’d be on the bag a week thread soon enough.
“The only way she is willing to get rid of things is to give it to one of the kids. It’s too much!!! And once this stuff lands in our house it will never leave!”
Of course it will leave. Throw it out. She just put her burden on you.
I have a stash of letters that were written between me and boyfriend, now H, before we were married. I pulled one at random and read it to D. It said “I’m not sure I ever want to have kids!”. Ha. I used it as an example of not making irrevocable decisions when you are young and foolish. That would have been the biggest mistake of my life!
“Does that man mean anything to me? No. But my DHs feelings me so much.”
@conmama I love your perspective. Thanks for sharing!
I am not too fond of the idea of discarding all photos that have a picture of my old BFs I didn’t marry—that would be most of my photos for college and grad school (had a serious BF most of those years). H has met one of them and I have met his exes.
Please…get rid of these things if you really don’t intend to use them, and your kids don’t want them.
My mother had TWELVE sets of dishes and an equal amount of flatware. Ridiculous. We gave all but one set of dishes away, and kept only the sterling flatware.
Please…don’t leave this for your kids to do…just don’t.
Most china and flatware has very little value. I volunteer at a charity thrift store. We just listed a set of wedgewood…complete service for 12 with a bunch of serving pieces. Priced it at $200…we HOPE someone buys it for $200 at a half price sale.
“And what about old love letters–especially those from old girlfriends I DIDN’T marry?”
Marie Kondo would say keep them if they bring you joy.
My parents had a wonderful house and it was full of nice stuff. I kept the Singer Featherweight I learned to sew on. My mother’s collections–miniature twig furniture, log cabins, etc, we’re dropped off at the Opportunity Room at the local dump. I thought we should have had an estate sale for the mostly early American furniture but my brother wanted it all and in the succeeding years has put it in his own house, using his own aesthetic. It’s nice to see it when I visit.
How can I find out if old china contains lead? It wouldn’t surprise me if the set my MIL just gave to my daughter has lead in it. It’s very old and hand painted. Of course I’ve eaten more than a few dinners off of it in the last 30 years…
Regarding the baby clothes, I have seen quilts made out of those. Also, I have seen memory bears (cute little stuffed animals) made out of a special outfit from a child or adult.
Check Replacements.com to see if they are interested in buying china you don’t want.
When I comes to china, I know I like my parents set. They didn’t have a nice set and bought 8 place settings of my wedding china for themselves. DH and I got married just before my parents 25th Anniversary.
Re: led in dishes. The only reliable test can only be done in a special lab. A dish can have a lot of led in it but the glaze can keep the led from leaching into the food that comes in contact with the dish.
This is a very good summary:
https://www.wthr.com/article/13-investigates-lead-your-dishes
Old and chipped? Toss it.
Baby clothes, toys, and books are often useful to new parents, whether they happen to be your kids or someone else. Some of these types of things get passed around a lot between siblings, cousins, and friends as they have kids a year or few apart.
This stuff is hard. My parents were art and antique collectors, had family memorabilia passed on to them and many sentimental pieces. I relate to the challenges. Our kids live in urban areas and have no interest in Victorian fish bone plates. Go figure! This problem has been written in many places lately. I am taking pictures and trying to hand off all but the most important stuff.
Perhaps try a holding zone approach: take the items you would like to be able to part with and pack them in a box. Re-visit the box within a set time-frame, having lived like the items were gone in the interim. Is one thing calling? Keep it and let the rest go. If it helps, I have found that I have not missed anything I put back in circulation and found it particularly helpful to get rid of cumbersome pieces that are fragile, hard to move, require specific storage conditions, etc. If you aren’t willing to “babysit” likely to disintegrate fabric, why keep it?
I also gathered a box of available family pieces and when relatives visit, ask them to select anything they want. Nice to know a few things went where they were appreciated, but mostly, folks like seeing the stuff when they come here. Well, it won’t always be here. I have one memory box for each kid and it isn’t huge. Most school stuff is equally enjoyable in a photo. It is a process. I don’t want my kids to have the experience I did when packing up my parents pre-move to assisted living. One box of papers actually contained a mimeographed page of my kindergarten bus assignment.
Replacements.com gives you, the seller, a pittance for your stuff, and YOU have to pay to have it shipped to them…unbroken. Then they sell it for a lot.
We gave away 11 sets of dishes and flatware when my mother died…ELEVEN. It was ridiculous. And we are talking nice stuff. But come on…how many sets of dishes does anyone need? And we HAD our own dishes already.
I kept two sentimental things from my mom’s place. An occupied Japan teacup and saucer, and a souvenir elephant small ceramic from the Eisenhower presidential campaign. That’s it. I remembered those from my childhood. The other stuff…was just…stuff.
Both DH and I have kept old love letters from past relationships. They are part of our stories and do not threaten each other. Both of us know that we each had a life before we met (even at 19), and neither set of letters represents what could have been or the ones who got away. They are just part of our life journeys that we occasionally enjoy reminiscing about.
I think if old letters threaten the current relationship, that should be discussed and the letters disposed of if that is what makes the partner feel secure because the current relationship should trump the ghosts of the past. We just happen to like our ghosts.
Husband and I have a house full of lovely things we actually use that we seriously doubt our kids will want. They have been warned them not to just put everything out on the curb with the garbage pickup, just because most of what we have is valuable to someone, somewhere. It doesn’t matter to me if they give it away. That is fine and since I’ll be dead, probably I won’t know.
Beyond that warning there is a letter in my “In Case of Death” folder (along with will and finanancial documents, etc) that advises them how to dispose of all this stuff as easily as possible. It tells them to call the local auction house for most everything, except some art and my jewelry which should probably to a higher end auction house. The goal is for this not to be any more work for them than absolutely necessary.
eta: Replacements: I have sold several rather large groups of china, etc, there in recent years. Sometimes I’ve done very well. Sometimes they really don’t want it. It seems very random to me and to have nothing to do with resale value. Probably it has a lot to do with how much of a particular pattern they already have in stock.
It has definitely been worth my while to deal with them. You can get a sense of what your items are worth via an email or over the phone. The condition will matter, and they may not be able to access that till they see it. But if the price for perfect pieces is less than your shipping costs …
I love Replacements! I wouldn’t mind donating my stuff to them. They are a huge LGBTQ business and donate a lot to causes I support. My mother and her friends were buying from them decades ago when it was just a few zeroxed lists that came in the mail.