<p>Hi all,
First of all, I’d like to apologize to those of you I managed to offend or alienate with my previous thread. I realize that I could have–and should have–been nicer and sincerely apologize to all of those who I may have offended.</p>
<p>Long story short(er), I ended up emailing my psychology professor long after the term ended, really expecting nothing in return. Instead, she was beyond kind and helpful, beyond what I ever would have honestly expected… She gave the only explanation of OCD that has ever really made sense to me; it was neuropsychological. It didn’t blame me, and it wasn’t just some mumbling about neurotransmitters… It made sense, really, and because it made sense, it made me more willing to deal with this.</p>
<p>But the problem is, I’m trying to do as she told me, trying to work around this, but my parents don’t understand, and they keep saying and doing the wrong things, however well-intentioned. I want to tell them that they’re not helping (in fact, many of the things they say and do are making it harder), but I can’t explain it to them because it would bring up a lot of questions I can’t deal with, such as 1) Why the hell are you emailing your psychology professor? and 2) Why is emailing you back? (both of which I don’t really know the answer to, though I guess the answer to the second one could be that she’s just really nice?). I wouldn’t feel comfortable showing them the emails because she told me some personal information, and I feel it would horriblely unethical and mean not to keep her confidence, as`I requested of her.</p>
<p>So… I’m at loss about how to handle my parents here because they know I’m
not a neuropsychologist, and this isn’t your standard catch-phrasey explaination or advice, so I’m probably not going to find it anywhere short of a medical journal.</p>
<p>After several decades of struggling with how to maintain relationships with other people (including my family) I now just resort to telling the truth. To paraphrase a great thinker, this delights some, confuses others, and works most of the time. It has made my life much less complex. Tell your parents in clear terms what you are thinking and feeling. It’s not up to you to manage their reactions. God bless.</p>
<p>Well I’m not your parents, but e-mailing a former professor doesn’t seem that weird to me, especially since your question relates to his field of expertise. You feel comfortable with him, that’s the important thing. If you can I’d try to have a conversation with my parents saying more or less: “I’m aware I have a problem. This is the approach I’m taking. This approach was suggested by Prof. ___ who knows a lot about the subject.” WashDad is right, they’ll react how they react, it’s their problem not yours. I don’t think you have to mention that you got this advise via e-mail if you think that will lead to problems. It doesn’t seem germane to me. Good luck.</p>
<p>Are you at home now, or will you be home for a good chunk of the summer?</p>
<p>If yes:</p>
<p>I understand that your parents’ cooperation is very important to your progress. Could you describe to your professor what your parents are doing and ask for her advice on how to handle the situation?</p>
<p>If no:</p>
<p>Then I like mathmom’s approach. If asked, simply state what you are doing and why. Respond to questions accurately but briefly. You are handling the situation on your own, with advice from a professional.</p>
<p>There is nothing wrong with emailing a professor or former professor about something that is clearly within her professional purview. Certainly do not share those personal emails with your parents.</p>
<p>But what I’m I actually going to say? “Yeah, my psychology professor said this is happening because I’m smarter than most people” (which she–awesomely–did)? I can’t explain it in my own words because my professor’s style is… very unique, and I would do a TERRIBLE job of trying to make myself sound remotely as knowledgable as she is. It isn’t really an understandable explanation unless you’re fairly well-versed in neuropsych, and it isn’t, like I said before, an expected explanation. However, like I said, it’s the only explaination that actually makes sense to me. </p>
<p>I guess I’ll just wait the summer out (yes, I am at home).</p>
<p>Your parents are making it hard to do x, y, z.</p>
<p>One thing in particular that is making it hard is their asking “Why x, y, z? Why not a, b, c?”</p>
<p>You are (quite understandably) having trouble explaining.</p>
<hr>
<p>If that is right, then what about saying something like “I am just doing what the ‘doctor’ ordered, and I have confidence in her. I don’t understand everything well enough to explain, but I really think I can make progress this way. You can really help by supporting me in x, y, z. Please do that for (say) a month and then let’s see how things are then.”</p>
<p>Period. Repeat and remind (nicely) as needed.</p>
<p>If, after that, they can’t/won’t help, and indeed seem destined to be unhelpful, maybe you do have to wait out the summer. I would try to get through to them, though, because the summer seems like it might be less busy for you and therefore might afford more opportunity to make progress.</p>