<p>First of all, sorry for your loss. You are obviously trying to be supportive and respectful and i am sure that will mean a lot.</p>
<p>Last february, our closest friend died after an eight year battle with cancer. Throughout his treatment he continued to run, bike, and swim - colonoscopy bag and all. My dearest friend decided to honor her spouse by asking those attending the funeral to wear Lance Armstrong Yellow - her husband’s favorite athlete and charity. She wasn’t sure how people would respond, but it just seemed appropriate to our “Lance.”</p>
<p>It was the most amazing service. Everyone wore yellow. When we entered the church with my girlfriend and her sons, it took our breath away seeing everyone in the pews. It was the most moving, inspiring sight I have ever seen. We also ended the service with “Born to Run” so it was a unique service for a unique man.</p>
<p>I am certainly not recommending similar attire - this was requested by his wife - but I will say everyone was forever touched by being there.</p>
<p>I recommend opaque black hose rather than flesh-toned nylons. As discussed on other threads, nylons look dated and bare legs are probably only appropriate for young girls. A medium heeled pump is best for a funeral, especially if you’re not sure if you’ll walk to the gravesite. Pearls always look great with black. As an alternative, will a pretty scarf work at the neckline of your dress? If you’re not in the immediate family, a little color is completely fine.</p>
<p>I do have a little piece of advice to help you through this first funeral. No doubt there will be at least a few elderly at the funeral, and I’ve found that there are never enough arms to offer assistance throughout the funeral. The amount of walking varies quite a bit depending on the kind of funeral it is, but at a minimum you have to go in and out of the funeral home. Catholics walk into and out of the church, to and from the grave, and in and out of any post-graveside dinner or gathering. It’s a lot for anyone under duress. It can be terrifying for some elderly folks. If you see someone who is unsteady or who uses a cane, you can offer your arm even if you have no idea who they are, and in my experience they will be most grateful. As a bonus, you’ll stay occupied and get a guide to expected behavior as well. The immediate family can only help so much in this regard and will also be comforted by any kindness you offer.</p>
<p>My apologies if you are immediate family - then comfort your own.</p>
<p>Thank you to everybody. I know it’s going to be weird but you’ve all got really good suggestions. The casket is closed so for me that’s a good thing. It is a Catholic funeral and I have to do the response psalms so I hope I can do a good job!</p>
<p>Here, many people wear to funerals what one might wear to a business meeting - a tie required for men and boys after about 13. Women ok in dress slacks or conservative dresses/skirts. </p>
<p>My sister wore capri slacks and a daisy-covered sweater to my father’s funeral but then we put her back in the state home for the bewildered.</p>
<p>My first funeral as an adult was unfortunately my husbands. My daughters and I wore black, though we all had tweed jackets or coats. I remember his adult sister wearing black jeans and a motorcycle jacket. I thought that was wildly inappropriate, until I saw her the next day, speaking at the memorial service held in an upscale club, wearing holey blue jeans and a t-shirt. I’ve seen this woman dressed up for bar mitzvahs. I know she had the clothes. She just chose not to wear them.</p>
<p>Popsicle, it will be all good. The funeral choir I sing in is a Catholic one. Often the family/friends chosen to do the readings are not Catholic and/or are not familiar with or not used to doing the readings. The priest will know this and will be understanding and help you if you need it. Also, even people used to doing readings will struggle as it can be a very emotional time. The important part is to remember how much this means to the family of the deceased, how you are supporting them. Best wishes. I’m sure you’ll do fine.</p>
<p>I disagree with those who think that a black outfit is over-the-top tragic. If you often wear black and look good in it, black is perfectly acceptable. (Speaking as one who wears a lot of black!)</p>
<p>The hose question depends on your age and the climate. If you are young, it is warm, and you have nice legs, I don’t see why you should wear hose to the funeral if you and your age group would never wear them anywhere else. If you are in a southern, warm climate, then I think black opaque hose would look pretty heavy. Sheer nude tones would be appropriate, as would black sheer hosiery.</p>
<p>I’ve never been to a Catholic funeral, but if this one involves going to the cemetary for graveside prayers following a church service, you might want to reconsider heels if they’re the kind that will sink into the lawn at the cemetary and make it hard to walk. Very sorry for your loss.</p>
<p>I wear a lot of black, too, but almost never solid black from head to toe. I might wear my black suit to a funeral, but I would probably wear a colored blouse with it, just as I do when I wear the suit for business occasions. Wearing a black blouse with the black suit (something I would never do in normal life) would seem like a bit much (even for a funeral of a family member). I might also wear my gray suit to a funeral (perhaps with a black blouse because I happen to have a black blouse that looks good with that suit), and it would be just as appropriate, in my opinion. The idea, in my opinion, is to look serious, not to mimic the all-black funeral customs of long ago.</p>
<p>In some parts of the country (Washington, DC seems to be one of them), practically every business outfit a woman owns is suitable for funerals. Black, gray, and other dull, dark colors are the mainstay of most women’s wardrobes. This may be a regional thing.</p>
<p>If you’re going to the cemetary in your own car (or you know in advance what car you will be riding in), you can change your shoes in the car. I went to a winter funeral once in Vermont where I wore heels for the church service and changed into winter boots for the graveside part of the service.</p>
<p>As a woman who enjoys wearing black, and quite often all black for the sheer chic power of the look, I feel that dressing entirely in black for most funerals is inappropriate and brings to mind funereal weeds. Mostly black with a break somewhere - a scarf, a chemise, a bold piece of jewelry - is just right.</p>
<p>Since you are speaking at the funeral, it is important to pay attention to your attire - good for you for asking! Catholic funerals are among the most solemn and formal, so all black clothing is very appropriate. Because you will walk up to the lectern alone, make sure your shoes fit comfortably and they don’t “clomp” when you walk. Unless you’re very young, bare legs are probably a bad idea on the altar.</p>
<p>Many of the graveside prayers are held at a small chapel at the cemetery and not at the graveside.</p>
<p>I hope tomorrow goes well for you, popsicle. I’m sure everyone will appreciate your efforts.</p>
<p>Can I share my favorite funeral outfits? When my uncle died, one of his daughters looked like she was going to a picnic - wore a short tan denim skirt and flowered sleeveless knit shirt. When my great aunt died at ninety six, her overweight 60-something niece wore a solid bright pink one piece jumpsuit-thing. When my dad’s MIL died at ninety-something, her other daughter wore a bright red long sleeve shirt, dark blue pants (styled like jeans with rivets) and a wide white belt. And tennis shoes. Her mom lay dying for 2 weeks; it’s not like she didn’t have time to get something more appropriate. LOL.</p>
<p>Marion, nor would I wear a black suit with a black blouse. But a tasteful black dress? Yes. A black dress with a black jacket? Yes again, perhaps with a scarf or some tasteful jewelry. But that’s me!</p>
<p>I have been to funerals where everyone was in complete head to toe black – it was the demand of the culture and a sign of mourning and a colored scarf would have been inappropriate.</p>
<p>Is attire different for a memorial service versus a funeral? I am attending a memorial service tomorrow for a person who was a somewhat public figure. The funeral has already been held privately, this is a more public memorial service. I am flying to get there and flying out the next day and trying to pack light in a carryon. We are attending a dinner right after the service. I was thinking black pants, black shoes, a black cardigan and some kind of muted blouse but I’m not sure. It’s kind of chilly where we are going. Any thoughts? I know it’s short notice.</p>
<p>Update. I’ve decided to go (not because I think this is so great, but because I am restricted to what is actually in my closet and actually fits) with black pants (nice ones I wear to work), and a mid-sleeve black thin sweater. Over that I am wearing a long dark gray cardigan - the kind that doesn’t button and kind of flows. I figure if everyone is in pitch black, I can remove the sweater (they won’t be) and I am taking a cashmere scarf that is a deep burgundy with gray plaid running through – so if I need a bit of color I have it and then I have it for the dinner and if it’s cold. For what it’s worth, I’ll be in northern California and this is a pretty informal state. Husband is wearing a suit. I do not own an appropriate dress.</p>