<p>I have a funeral on Tuesday. I have a nice black knit dress with a high collar. Ito goes to my knees. I was going to wear it with black heels. I don’t know if I should wear black stockings or skin colored ones. What should i wear for jewelry. The dress is very plain so I usually wear something big and fun but I don’t think that is right for a pfuneral but it needs something. I have longer hair so should I wear it pulled back? This is my first ever funeral.</p>
<p>Black stockings for sure and, if you do put your hair up, put it up in a simple chignon or something similar that doesn’t take a lot of effort and doesn’t look too dressed up. You don’t want to look like you spent hours getting ready to go to a funeral. If you are going to wear heels, make sure you aren’t going to be walking by yourself when everyone else is silent; I always hate that sound of heels clicking down the aisle during a somber moment.</p>
<p>First, I am sorry for your loss, funerals are hard.</p>
<p>What is your relationship for the funeral? Friends dress somewhat differently from family usually.</p>
<p>You don’t have to pull your hair back at all.</p>
<p>Do you have a silver chain or nice belt to add something to the dress?</p>
<p>And probably you should check in your local areas since funeral attire is different in different communities. That specific for black stocking vs clear ones is probably a local thing. Here, black stockings would be overkill or dressing up for evening, not a funeral thing. and here, not everyone wears black to a funeral in the first place. </p>
<p>It is nice to wear something respectful and fitting in, so I applaud your checking.</p>
<p>black dress</p>
<p>DBassily,
Here in the Cafe all topics of discussion are considered.<br>
Much wisdom is shared among posters in this forum on everything from vacuums to brunch recipes to support of the recently widowed to arranging regional member meetings in real life.
We try hard to be kind to the young people seeking our advice.</p>
<p>I didn’t wear black for my mothers recent memorial service. She wouldn’t have liked it- I wore a pretty skirt and sweater and carried one of her favorite handbags. ( and since it was outside in the winter- I wore a nice shawl and flat boots)</p>
<p>People usually wear suits- or dress conservatively for funerals-, alot depends on the setting & your relationship to deceased.
The closer you were to them, I think the more you can use your personal judgement for clothing, but if you didn’t know them well ( or the others in attendance), then it should be more conservative.</p>
<p>The parent cafe is here to discuss any topic, not just college. And being concerned about what to wear at a funeral shows respect for the family.</p>
<p>edited to add: mominva and emeraldkity4 beat me to it…I agree with both of them.</p>
<p>popsicle, kudos to you for asking–being dressed appropriately is a mark of respect. If the funeral will be a religious service, you might want to mention that here so people can make sure you don’t commit any unintentional cultural faux pas. You’ll also want to avoid stiletto heels if the funeral will include a graveside service. Grass and high heels are a bad combination. Make sure that you take tissues or a handkerchief in your purse. </p>
<p>One of the hardest things about funerals is knowing what to say to the primary mourners. You might want to ask your parents or other adults what would be appropriate. Generally, “I’m so sorry for your loss” is good. “(S)he’s in a better place now” is dicey–appropriate in some religious communities, but not in others. Fond memories and stories about the departed are also safe.</p>
<p>As for dress…</p>
<p>In some areas, it’s still customary to wear black/dk clothing (and simple accessories). In some areas, a new custom is to wear regular colors as a celebration of the person’s life. </p>
<p>However, I would say this…if the deceased died pre-maturely, it can be hard to celebrate his life because the grief can be overwhelming and the death so shocking. If the deceased was quite elderly, it surely is still a huge loss, but families and friends sometimes have an easier time celebrating the person’s life.</p>
<p>I hope the above sounds right. I mean no disrespect to anyone’s loss.</p>
<p>I have the sense that you will look fine–just follow your instincts. Although black is ‘traditional’ for funerals, it is not necessary. Simple accessories and whatever stockings (or not) you have/are comfortable with will be appropriate. Hairstyles are not a big deal, again I’d suggest you just be comfortable–a pony tail or straight hair will be fine. I’m including another CC link–one post addresses Catholic traditions–which may be helpful to you. I’d also encourage you to try to go with a friend, so you are not alone, given this is your first funeral. You are there to pay respect to the deceased and show support for the survivors. Funerals aren’t easy–can take an emotional toll-- and you’re to be applauded for ‘checking’ on what to wear, etc. as this is a good place to ask questions. Good for you.</p>
<p>Just speak from your heart–people generally are grateful for genuine concern. “I’ll be thinking of you.” is one safe thing to say. </p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/747123-funeral-etiquette-question.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/747123-funeral-etiquette-question.html</a></p>
<p>While black used to be the favored choice for funerals, I think much of that has changed. Wear something conservative and comfortable for you…nothing too outlandish. Regarding the color of your nylons…wear regular ones, no need to wear black.</p>
<p>Recently went to a funeral in Buffalo for the mother of a friend. People were there in all kinds of clothing including very casual cloths. The important thing was that they were there. For the funerals I have attended recently, dressing in deep mourning (unrelieved black, severe hair, no or black jewelry) is not common. Conservative dress in muted colors are fine. Pants, dresses, suits, whatever you can manage or are comfortable wearing. .</p>
<p>In my experience, black is not essential, but businesslike attire is. </p>
<p>If your black dress is the sort that could be worn to an office (or if it can be made to appear that way by putting a cardigan or jacket over it), it’s a perfectly acceptable choice. A business suit or a conservatively styled blouse or sweater with a skirt would be acceptable too. A woman can even wear businesslike pants to a funeral. If I needed to go to a funeral tomorrow, I would show up in a suit with pants, because those are the only kinds of suits I own. And I don’t think anyone would care or even notice.</p>
<p>Just don’t show up in anything sexy, and if you have the choice between a more conservative-colored outfit and a very colorful one, choose the duller colors.</p>
<p>I would think that skin-toned hosiery would be fine. If you happen to own conservative jewelry or can borrow some, wear it. If not, I suggest erring on the side of wearing no jewelry and looking plain, rather than wearing anything too funky or conspicuous.</p>
<p>I would definitely not wear black hose. The black dress is fine, but I would soften it with a scarf or jewelry. Nowadays, immediate family might not be in black and head to toe black might stick out. I think the most important thing is to be modestly dressed, nothing flashy, no bare shoulders or plunging necklines.</p>
<p>I think a lot of this is specific to your locale.</p>
<p>In my neck of the woods, a black dress, black hose, and black shoes are fine. I’d add a conservative piece of jewelry like a strand of pearls. </p>
<p>But I agree with the others: Anything conservative will work. Your presence is what’s important.</p>
<p>If I’m a member of the family, I wear black. If not, I wear something business-appropriate in a subdued color. Neutral hose.</p>
<p>I sing in the funeral choir at my church, and have thus been to many, many funerals over the years.</p>
<p>I agree with what everyone says about modest dress. The rest really won’t matter. Your presence is what is important to the family. To know that their loved one was loved and that they are supported in their grief is what is most important. It means an awful lot and it is good of you to go, even if it might feel a bit awkward/uncomfortable for you. I’m sorry for your loss.</p>
<p>I have the Chico travel line ensemble (pants, long skirt, jacket) in black that has worked well for more funerals than I like to think about. It’s very simple. Never wrinkles. Never trendy but also never outdated. If you wear a non-black cami or tee under the jacket, you are in black but not over-the-top tragic.</p>
<p>It depends on where you live, certain religious practices and/or ethnic traditions of the family and the people who are coming – for example, there might be a very different dress code at the funeral of a biker than at the funeral of a very traditional businessman. Here in California, the range is so huge, that I really never know what to do if it’s a funeral where I don’t know the family well. In CA, even at conservative funerals, black slacks (the kind you would wear to a business meeting) are very common with a conservative dark top. Sometimes people dress in a way that has meaning and/or solidarity. I went to a very sad funeral of a teen once and she was laid to rest in her athletic uniform sweats. Her entire team showed up in theirs and stood along a wall on the side as a team. It was the most appropriate and meaningful thing they could have done and I think everyone present was moved by it as her sport was a huge part of her life. I knew a woman once who asked people to wear white to her son’s funeral. I can’t remember the reason for it, but it meant something to her and it helped her that people honored her request. I think if I had no idea, I’d go with a black skirt or slacks, and a dark blouse that’s not completely black with a black cardigan that I can totally button or unbutton depending on how much black other people are wearing. It’s much better to err on the side of being too somber – everyone will understand you were trying to be respectful.</p>
<p>Ive been gone all day and didn’t finish posting- I hope Im not redundant but I wanted to add…</p>
<p>Scarves are very " in" now, depending on neckline of dress, I would wear some sort of scarf to soften the black.</p>
<p>Be prepared that it may be open casket, you don’t need to go up if that is uncomfortable. It’s ok to introduce yourself to people you don’t know, the family members may be pretty stunned and so not good at making conversation or introducing folks.</p>
<p>If it is a religious service and it isn’t your religion try not to roll your eyes and I am sure I don’t have to tell you not to get into arguments with people.
Funerals can be funny things, lots of emotion and tension.</p>
<p>But even if you didn’t know them well, they can also bring up memories of other losses you have experienced, and that can be unsettling if you don’t expect it.</p>
<p>* To lighten the mood a little- I really want to share one of my favorite Bones episodes- it is really funny *
[Double</a> Death Of The Dearly Departed - Official Bones Wiki](<a href=“http://boneswiki.fox.com/page/Double+Death+Of+The+Dearly+Departed]Double”>http://boneswiki.fox.com/page/Double+Death+Of+The+Dearly+Departed) )</p>