What to wear?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>OK…I’m going to a reception/awards dinner next week. Some people (the awardees) will be wearing tuxes and formals, so officially, it’s black tie, but the sponsor has said there are no formal guidelines for the rest of the guests. So – what do I wear? I don’t want to be overdressed or underdressed, and have no desire to look like the mother of the groom or a middle-aged woman in a bad bridesmaid dress or some floozie with assets on display. </p>

<p>I had something I thought was acceptable, but DH is of the opinion it’s not fancy enough. =P I’ve pointed out to DH that <em>he</em> can get away with a business suit and be just fine, but that women have a finer line to walk in these things. Long story. Suffice it to say that my enjoyment of this event is now be tempered by whether or not I look appropriate, and I’m &^%$# insecure enough already.</p>

<p>HELP!!!</p>

2

<p>You have the same issues as I do with the Mother of the bride (why, oh why TAUPE with long jacket) or way too disco 20-something?</p>

<p>I just found a suit at Macy’s for an event in April. It’s a jacket with bugle beads on the lapels for just a little sparkle and a straight skirt. Dark bluish-purple so it’s different from my standard “little black dress” and beaded jacket.</p>

3

<p>I would shop Talbots for a dressy suit that doesn’t look like a wedding … or Coldwater Creek. It’s so easy online. If you have either of those outlets nearby – it’s amazing what you can find!</p>

4

<p>Try a dressy black pant suit, fabric and lapel/neckline will determine the “look”, augment with a sparkly tank or dressy top, dress it up with nice necklace. Make sure the shoes and purse look “dressy” and shoes are well polished and crispy heeled (no run down heels). I do a variation on this and can go anywhere.</p>

<p>Most of my clothing is from Chico’s, partly because I can order tall pants on line…things can be rematched from season to season if you remember the line…fabrics and colors really do stay consistent. My dressy pant suit is separates from “Monique” line. FWIW! Good luck!</p>

5

<p>oooh…thanks for the Chico’s tall pants tip, lorelei…</p>

<p>I’d stay away from sparkly. You can’t go wrong with a classy/dressy suit (and you might be able to wear it elsewhere!!!). You can dress it up w/ jewelry.</p>

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<p>A rule of thumb I use for a semi-formal affair, is to find something dressier than I would wear to church on Sunday or to a day time business meeting. So if I would be comfortable wearing the outfit to either of those two places, it’s too casual. I usually pick mid-calf to ankle length cocktail dress for semi-formal, as opposed to floor length for formal. A dressy pantsuit is fine too. I agree with the advice to avoid sparkly, but you can do something fancier with the shoe and handbag than you would use for daytime.</p>

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<p>When I said sparkly, I meant something with metallic threads, nothing more than that. But the main thing is the fabric, needs not to look rustic or coarse, needs drape and finish. Of course it depends on where you are going as to what version of dressy is appropriate. </p>

<p>Cultural observation: in this country adult women “dress up” in neutral colors, but “play” in bright colors (or prints). In Europe, especially away from the cosmopolitan areas, there is a tendancy toward neutral and dark colors day to day, and bright or ice cream colors for fancy dress up, less subdued, with frothier styling, too. There is something very incongruous about seeing a stocky, large boned 60 year old woman in bright pink full skirted organza!!</p>

8

<p>I love Chicos, but at my local Chicos, was not able to find something appropriate to wear at a black tie event last spring. At least where I live, only during December can one find party attire at Chicos.</p>

<p>What I got last spring for a similar event was a sequined top – black and white sequins – with a V neck and V back that I paired with a pair of full black pants in a fabric that was semi sheer. I wore a black silk shawl with black sequins over the outfit. I was able to get that outfit on sale at a local department store. I wore rhinestone earrings with it and IMHO, I looked smashing. :)</p>

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<p>I second the mid-calf cocktail dress. For a similar occasion last spring I found the dress of my dreams: a wrap dress with 3/4 sleeves, in a cream/black/blue geometric that was definitely not work-y but not too flash. Truly dressy but also utterly comfortable, very flattering but definitely not too young (“mutton dressed as lamb” being my personal nightmare). And easy to add a black jacket/bag/heels. </p>

<p>Dressy pantsuit is a great option - I’ve just never been able to bring it off as happily. I had one I loved from Eileen Fisher but when DH started calling it my jammies, I retired it. :(</p>

<p>Northstarmom, I bet you did look smashing. </p>

<p>What a good thread for Friday afternoon!</p>

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<p>If you have Stein Mart nearby, check them out. They carry dressy suits that are likely appropriate for your event. If not, I second the suggestion of Talbot’s - easy online shopping & generous return policy if there’s a problem.</p>

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<p>Harriett, I love Eileen Fisher, too! Hub thinks her fashion is dumpy. (How do one insert an angry face here?). I was able to find nice dresses at our local Ann Taylor when I needed to spiff up for a fancy dinner. However, that was ages ago, and I do not know what to expect from that store now. Every shopping experience at the local mall has been pure disappointment as of lately…</p>

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<p>With pants, they either fit well or they absolutely do not. I think you have to find your brand and size and stick with it. Too many variables in the distance from point A to point C and in the interruption of lumps B and D!</p>

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<p>NSM - it sounds like you looked smashing. But it makes me think - we need to know CountingDown’s basic type. If I had worn your black and white top I would have looked silly because I am kind of smallish except for broad shoulders, so that kind of top makes me look like a mini football player. And Chico’s doesn’t even HAVE clothes as small as me. Also I am kind of pale-ish, so high contrast makes everything but my shoulders disappear:).</p>

<p>And, key, is this related to your husband’s work? My mother taught me all about being appropriate. Whether I am myself is another question altogether…</p>

<p>So, CountingDown, do tell. Great upper half? Great lower half? Emphasize waist? Emphasize legs? Coloring - black is good, black makes you look gaunt? Venue - suburbs of the Midwest - color OK. Manhattan - color problematic.</p>

<p>Etc.</p>

14

<p>Yep, BunsenBurner (and your name always makes me think of the Muppet Show), I should have used an angry face. DH shares your H’s opinion of all things Eileen Fisher.</p>

<p>I have had decent luck at Ann Taylor and also at Talbot’s (though more rarely). Sometimes at Nordstrom, and once in a rare while (when the sale gods are smiling AND all the planets are in alignment) the store I grew up calling Needless Markup (no offense to any Texans here). </p>

<p>Alumother is spot on here, so let’s hear it, CountingDown! If it makes it easier for you, we can all air our challenges. Mine = 0 bust, short waist (though long legs, thanks mom!), very very very pale.</p>

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<p>I needed a new outfit for my niece’s bat mitzvah and ended up finding a sleeveless knit black Calvin Klein dress at TJ Maxx and a shimmery burgandy jacket at Coldwater Creek. But the best find was black Liz Claiborn heels at DSW with a texture that actually matched the dress. Normally I can’t even get my feet into cute shoes let alone stand up in them. But I wore these shoes all day and even danced - it was a miracle.</p>

<p>Also, I’ve had luck at our local resale shop - they carry a lot of dressy outfits all year (affluent area).</p>

<p>And I’m euphemistically big-boned; I do love those bright colors in summer! But never a full skirted organza.</p>

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<p>I second the Steinmart idea.</p>

<p>Or avoid shopping. If what you have is in a nice fabric and a solid dark color and it fits you well, dress it up with accessories and snazzy shoes and it will be fine. Your husband might be picturing it the way you usually wear it.</p>

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<p>Thanks everyone for your suggestions! I have been looking at stores IRL and online today trying to find things that might work. OK, the biggest problem is finding something that’s in women’s sizes that doesn’t resemble a tent. I’m tall, large-boned, with lumps B and D, proportional on top and bottom, but way outta whack in the middle. I don’t like tight or revealing. I’m just too self-conscious.</p>

<p>This is for an event in DC (not related to DH, though we are both attending). I can tell you more details by PM. </p>

<p>Went to Lord & Taylor and found a dress I liked – floor-length, velvet and satin, reduced from $225 to $63. (yes!!!) Shawl collar, so my arms are exposed (and it ain’t spring yet) and somewhat low-cut, but I can deal with that strategically. Of course, DH likes it. I am very concerned that I not stand out like a sore thumb – it’s not my evening! Black is fine on me – I’m pale, but that’s life. </p>

<p>If I can find a nice colorful silk shawl I might be good. I may head out to the fabric store and look for something interesting – haven’t seen much in the stores, and I have a lot of scarves/shawls, but they are either too small/too heavy for this application. On the other hand, I am supposed to meet a friend at Starbucks an hour before this shindig begins, and there is NO WAY I can walk into a Starbucks wearing this dress. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin for this event and look decent enough that I don’t embarass anyone.</p>

<p>I have a black velvet skirt (which I wear often, which is why it probably bothers DH that I was considering it), and a beaded jacket I bought at Marshall’s a few years ago for $22 (sense a trend here?). Also have a gold metallic sweater to wear under it. Another option is a black and blue glittery-jacket and top I got the other day, but it sounds like the consensus is not to go for the spangly stuff.</p>

<p>I don’t know if DH spoke with his female colleagues today, but this evening he seemed a bit more understanding of the difficulties with finding something appropriate to wear for an evening event that’s not strictly formal. </p>

<p>On the good news front, I colored my hair today and it FINALLY came out the way I like it. Neither DS2 nor DH noticed. The dog, however, looked at me funny. ;)</p>

18

<p>Problem solved! Found a great red designer power suit – originally $320+, on sale for $69. Looks great, I can snazz it up with accessories, and all is well. Can use it for interviews, too. Now I just need to find a spiffy pair of shoes!</p>

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<p>Red is huge after the Oscar this year. You will look very “hot.”:)</p>

<p>No pressure, but shoes and bag will generally make the outfit.</p>

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<p>Way to go, CountingDown! :slight_smile: So glad to hear it. </p>

<p>Re shoes - are you already a Zappos addict? If not, you might want to give them a look. Free shipping both ways, so you can try numerous pairs on at home with the awesome red suit, and you can try two different sizes if you sometimes wear one size, and sometimes another. It’s zappos.com. And it’s embarrassing how much I love them. :D</p>