What were your parents' rules for you after you graduated from college?

Parent Cafe
141

I apologize that I haven’t read EVERY post on this long thread.

OP, you wrote:

I have news for you. We supported our two daughters in college (and one through graduate school). But the expectation was that upon graduating from their final degree, they had to support themselves. Both have FULLY supported themselves starting on their final graduation day in their chosen fields in major cities, and have lived independently. They haven’t lived at home since high school (and not even for a summer). They supported themselves over the summers when in school, but we paid for all school and related expenses. The majority of my kids’ peers have also supported themselves and lived away from home after graduating college.

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I just read through all ten pages and I’m left with the strong feeling that it was a punk’d thread.

143

I think so too-that we’re all getting played, because the OP’s changed what they’re saying in order to just keep arguing with some select posters. Others, they ignore.

Bottom line, if something works for your own family, no one else needs to care. And each family dynamic is different. Nothing else really matters. The best part is that there are many paths to success, which is itself defined in many different ways. As the saying goes, “You do YOU.” Stop worrying about what others think or how they’ll feel about your path.

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I’ve went back and forth on that, recently back to its bogus. When the thread first appeared I compared it to OP’s other threads since I had doubts and that made think it might be legit but could be no serious threads by him.

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OP,

Re: “People whose parents supported them through college are highly unlikely be able to support themselves immediately after graduating.”

Do not be so arrogant. Those kids who have their parents’ support in college could do more than fine; they could even get the opportunity (e.g., lucrative intern opportunity while still in college) that you may have a harder time to have access to.

The following is from a link (indirect link) posted on another CC thread started by GMTplus7 recently.

It includes a counter argument on OP’s argument:

"America is the land of opportunity, just for some more than others.

That’s because, in large part, inequality starts in the crib. Rich parents can afford to spend more time and money on their kids, and that gap has only grown the past few decades. Indeed, economists Greg Duncan and Richard Murnane calculate that, between 1972 and 2006, high-income parents increased their spending on “enrichment activities” for their children by 151 percent in inflation-adjusted terms, compared to 57 percent for low-income parents.

But, of course, it’s not just a matter of dollars and cents. It’s also a matter of letters and words. Affluent parents talk to their kids three more hours a week on average than poor parents, which is critical during a child’s formative early years. That’s why, as Stanford professor Sean Reardon explains, “rich students are increasingly entering kindergarten much better prepared to succeed in school than middle-class students,” and they’re staying that way.

It’s an educational arms race that’s leaving many kids far, far behind.

It’s depressing, but not nearly so much as this:

Even poor kids who do everything right don’t do much better than rich kids who do everything wrong. Advantages and disadvantages, in other words, tend to perpetuate themselves. You can see that in the above chart, based on a new paper from Richard Reeves and Isabel Sawhill, presented at the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston’s annual conference, which is underway.

Specifically, rich high school dropouts remain in the top about as much as poor college grads stay stuck in the bottom — 14 versus 16 percent, respectively. Not only that, but these low-income strivers are just as likely to end up in the bottom as these wealthy ne’er-do-wells. Some meritocracy."

146

I’m also not sure if the OP is serious or not, but going to go ahead an comment anyway. I’m struck by this idea that parents support their children through college, and then kids should be completely independent when they graduate. In my experience, it’s grants and loans that have supported/are supporting my kids more than we did/are. We all have some debt over here, but I’m glad my kids have had the opportunities they’ve had, and so far, everyone is making the most of them. My oldest son moved back home after college because he had not yet found a job, and we certainly didn’t see this as any kind of burden. We were happy to have him, happier than he was because I think there is a lot of pressure on young adults to be “independent”. If the OP is serious, I’d like to remind him/her that this attitude is a mostly Caucasian/American thing. In other cultures it is much more the norm for many generations to live together, always. Once my son was established working and could have afforded to move out, he got accepted off the wait list at a very expensive grad school program, and he had to make a choice between moving out and attending an affordable school, or staying home and attending his first choice. I was thrilled he chose the later. No rules, he’s an adult member of the family. Of course I’m glad to see he is a considerate and respectful adult, as he was as a child. If his brothers also return home after college, at least for a time, that will be awesome too.

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Very well said, @mcat2 ! I’ve seen this play out among kids at D’s school and elsewhere for years.

148

I’m confused. Your final degree is your Bachelor’s Degree, not your Master’s.

149

…
Anyone know if high schools are on spring break this week?

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It’s the tail end of spring break for a small number of New Engliand school districts.

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Lots of people work with a bachelors degree. LOTS. And remarkably…many folks work without degrees at all. Imagine that?

And @prpinrni aren’t you the same student who is going to impress all of your friends and ther parents by being self supporting after you get YOUR bachelors degree? Or were you talking about your Masters?

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I’m going to be self-supporting while I’m working on my Masters Degree. I thought I made that obvious.

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How are you going to be self supporting while working on your masters? Will you be getting a fully funded fellowship with stipend? Will you be working full time?

And no…you did not make that obvious.

I was self supporting while working in my masters. So were most of my friends.

Most of my kids’ parents paid for the four year undergrad plan…and that’s it. You won’t be the only one in the pack to pay for your own graduate school studies…and living costs, etc.

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It’s not a competition to see who is the most self-supporting / self-sufficient. Different people and different families work in different ways.

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MODERATOR’S NOTE: I think the OP has gotten all the advice possible. I’m closing this thread.