e.g. What was your curfew? Where were you allowed to go? etc.
?? After college? Are you living at their house?
One rule: Support thyself.
I was living a 10 hour drive from home and working full-time and shacking up with my then boyfriend/now husband.
With the terrible economy, I would imagine that’s the norm.
OP, perhaps we could be more useful if you described your situation. I assume that there’s some rule or limit that is chafing
AFTER graduation? Ick.
Doesn’t it really depend on what kind of parent you have? Some will treat you like a roommate and some will treat you like a teenager. I’m 19 going to community college and I hate living at home. I have offered to pay rent, car insurance, ect. They won’t take my money but hold that fact over my head. My plan is to live on campus my last two years, find an internship the summer between Junior and Senior year, then join the Air Force. If it all works out, I am NEVER coming back home for longer than a couple weeks as a holiday. If for some reason I DO have to move back in, I will INSIST on paying rent, cover all expenses, and get out as soon as possible.
Again, your mileage will vary based on your family
It’s not 2009. The economy is doing fine. Housing costs are high, but recent college grads typically find shared housing situations with other young people.
Exactly.^ Don’t believe some of the hype you hear from certain politicians. The economy isn’t that bad at all.
My S moved back home for about 8 months to save some money towards getting an apt. in NYC. He was working a ton of hours and was self- supporting. He was an adult in our view and the only rules we had was to be respectful, courteous etc. For example if he told us he was going out to dinner and wouldn’t be late and plans changed, he would send a text just so we would not worry. And we did the same for him.
Son had his campus apartment lease until mid August his graduation year. He did visit us after graduation, got his job offer in college town and returned. Rules??? Wanted him to bring dirty dishes to kitchen- collected them when was running the dishwasher (not every day- only parents and him). He did clean up the kitchen after late night meals. Wanted him to do his laundry- done by him morning leaving. His bathroom was his responsibility- I cleaned it after he left, if he wanted it cleaned he had to do it himself. His bedroom door was most often closed.
… what?
Is this a real question? Rules for your post-undergrad adult child?
Also, echoing others. The economy isn’t that bad anymore. Is it great? No, but it is possible for the vast majority of grads to support themselves. (Though perhaps not at the level of comfort that they are used to.)
I was 22 years old, supporting myself and not living with my parents. They were not in a position to make rules for me. This is called being an adult.
In a situation like post #8, I would say those rules are appropriate. Act like a responsible adult, get treated like a responsible adult.
“it is possible for the vast majority of grads to support themselves.”
Sure, but just not right away.
I’m sorry. I should have been more clear. This question was aimed at people whose parents were supporting through college, not those people who paid their way through college.
No rules. You are an adult. Live your life. Get a job. Pay your bills. Figure out your plan for your future. What kind of rule would you think would exist??
I’m sorry, but I really have to disagree with this. Maybe it’s because most of my undergrad friends were told from the get go that they were to support themselves after, but they all did. Sure, some lived in apartments with several roommates while working multiple jobs but they did what they had to do.
Especially if your parents are supporting your way through college, you should be able to work and save up money to live on after.
My older kids have lived at home after reaching adulthood in between moves, career changes, etc. The “rules” are those of common sense-pick up after yourself, do your own laundry, if you told us you’d be here and plans have changed, let us know. And yes, they paid rent. But no curfew, no things they were “allowed” or not. It didn’t matter who paid for what when they were minors. As adults they get treated as such.
Alright, well times have changed. Getting a Bachelor’s Degree is far more common than it used to be, which makes getting a job harder.
Getting a job is harder? Or getting the job you want is harder? Those are two very very different things. My parents rules for me, are the same I have for my own kids. Get a job. Pay for yourself. Live in a crappy apartment and eat top ramen. Shop at goodwill if you have to. Pay your dues. Have roomates. Struggle. Settle in the short term so you can gain in the long. Learn how to save and leverage yourself into the job and career you do want. Whether or not your parents put you through school should be irrelevant. The goal in life should be to be self sustaining. That may mean working at Target, waiting tables, whatever it takes until you can get into your field. What it should not mean is that you get that kind of job and use all of those funds as spending and entertainment money while you live with your parents, free of life and financial responsibility. waiting for that dream job to be handed to you.
I didn’t live at home after graduation, nor did I get a job in my field right away. I did what I had to do to pay my own way. I expect my kids to do the same. As the oldest of 6, some of my siblings did move back after graduation and some did not. Those who did were expected to obey the house rules and to pay rent. The same will hold true for my kids. And rent will not be discounted. “Free” utilities is enough in my opinion and there will definitely be a very short time limit before they get kicked to the curb. You can’t have it both ways in my (admittedly harsh and not the permissive “norm” these days) opinion. You want the advantage of living with your parents while you find the dream job, you owe them the respect of living by their rules be it curfew, checking in, buying your own food or whatever rules they have. Don’t like it? Get a job, any job, and then you make your own rules. Up to you.
Agreed. I graduated. Lived in a group house with about 8 roommates. Worked at a youth hostel. Skimped and saved. Did that for two years before going to graduate school. This is what people do. The struggle is part of the age. An important part.