This reminds me of the day we moved our firstborn into his dorm freshman year. He was in a triple and one of the roommates had already settled in. A huge poster of a marijuana leaf decorated the wall…and his computer screen saver depicted some type of tryst all in shades of blue. DH and I later argued about what the image actually was. I thought it was a heterosexual encounter while he was sure it was two women. Anyhow, it was much trepidation that we left our son there; our innocent son whose own screen saver was a photo from a recent father-son fishing trip to Canada lol.
These situations tend to work themselves out. In my son’s case, a month into school my son and the third roommate noticed that the potsmoking roommate was also very into child porn. They talked to the RA about getting him out of their room. He was escorted off campus that day.
“I am not sure why the OP is depressed over this ?”
Has anyone heard from the OP?
Wow @hoosiermom. Child porn is a whole 'nother ball of wax!
How curious that the OP hasn’t returned, even to just say, “Thanks.”
I think the OP was just fishing for a sympathetic, bigoted ear.
Good luck with that.
Pot is legal in Colorado, but smoking in buildings is not so no smoking of anything in dorm rooms, cigs, pot, e-cigs, hokas. Pot is not legal for 18 year olds (except medical marijuana). Smoking while walking around campus isn’t legal, just as walking around with a can a beer isn’t.
To the OP, I’d ask if substance free dorms are available, and if so, that’s where your child should live.
My daughter received a blind roommate match just a few weeks before college started. It seemed like a good match because they had similar majors. The roommate is very religious and her mother did not like my very wild (not) daughter because she read Harry Potter books. The roommate set all kinds of rules about having no boys in the room (ever) and my daughter went along with it because she’s nice. I let them work it all out.
Our S had a room mate from the East Coast. They had similar tastes in books (S loves pretty much anything printed in English and the room mate was an English major). The room mate’s mom thought they were so compatible, she assumed they’d room together for future years. S was OK with the room mate because he was quiet and polite, but didn’t share his love for hockey (room mate was on hockey team) and especially didn’t share his love for waking early to watch it on weekends (S’s idea of ideal is waking at noon or later). Last I heard, they are still friendly with one another a decade later but never became “best buddies.” We let the boys work things out. Same with D and her room mates–she survived and learned by being with different people–did better once she was able to have her own bedroom but managed to survive sharing a bedroom for several years as well. We never intervened and weren’t asked to.
Just a story for the ages:
When I went to college in the middle ages (1966), my roommate was African-American. I called my parents that night to let them know I had arrived, things were fine, and oh by the way –
My mother’s comment? “Ohmygod, do you want me to see if I can do something?”
Uh, no, thanks.
We didn’t wind up being the closest of friends, but I learned a lot from her and, I’d like to think, she might have learned something from me.
Parents shouldn’t intervene unless there’s really something wrong.
My son moved off campus to an apartment after his freshman year with 3 roommates he’d met while living in the dorm. After they moved in he started talking about his roommates smoking pot, but said he tried it and didn’t enjoy it and was not joining them. I wasn’t certain I believed him, but I bit my tongue and figured there are worse things out there to experiment with.
A few months into the school year he said one of his roommates had quit going to classes and was failing everything and all he did was smoke pot all day. That roommate was moved home by his parents before the semester even ended.
My son renewed his lease with one of the other roommates (the 3rd member of the original group moved out after a year). The summer before he moved back in with said roommate, I learned that he was not only smoking pot, but was selling it, out of their apartment and had been arrested there over the summer. He spent several months in rehab before coming back to school.
Said roommate was later arrested for a DUI while still on probation and sent back to rehab.
It became extremely stressful for son, who was trying to be a good friend, but saw first hand the issues that drugs caused.
At the end of that year, although my son, a very loyal friend was considering renewing his lease with said roommate again, I stepped in and put my foot down and said I understand you are still going to be friends and I hope you continue to support him because he needs it, but I won’t pay the bills for you to live there.
So, my son is now living in a different apartment with a different roommate, but I’m pretty sure he learned a lot from his experiences and I have always told him college is more about what you learn outside the classroom that prepares you to be an independent adult than what you learn in the classroom.
Dealing out of the apartment would be too much for me. I think you drew the line in the right place.
I think the fact he shared it with you might mean he wanted help getting out of the situation. It sounds like you were willing to take the blame, if blame was going to be assigned someplace or if he needed an excuse for not renewing the lease.