Slowly learning, freshly empty nester parent has a question, please feel free to tell me your thoughts. Child went off to school but me, parent has just learned that room mate coming in is from Jamaica, smokes weed, and has soft porn on their website (they posted), the person is a freshman but looks and acts like they are 29. I am old so please help me out, is this just the norm now days and what would you do if anything? I looked the person up when the school gave me the name but my child doesn’t even know it yet. Somebody help me, what are your thoughts, signed depressed beyond belief.
Your child will meet many different kinds of people at college. And s/he needs to learn how to deal with them on his/her own. Unless your child asks for help or you learn your child’s roommate is a serial killer, I’d leave it alone.
Well, lots of kids smoke weed. I found this out the hard way with my own kid getting busted last fall with it in his dorm. I came to CC for tons of advice and support. He’s a really, really great kid who made a stupid mistake. He has really done well in school this year. I’m sure he’s looked at stuff on the internet, too…like many adolescent young men. I would have been concerned too, if I had been you a year ago. But you would be shocked at the drugs that such that kids you wouldn’t suspect do. If this roommate is kind, respectful and doesn’t get in your son’s stuff, count him lucky. As long as they get along, that’s what’s important. You’ll know soon enough.
I suspect the roommate is not much different from other potential roommates other than more open about activities. My son had a roommate who smoked a lot of weed. I would try not to judge, the roommate is probably a really great guy like my son’s and my husband’s weed smoking roommate in the 70’s. You sent your son to school to meet new people correct? If you worry that your son will experiment with weed, just assume that he will. Yes, if it is not the norm, it is accepted in the college community.
The only thing I would do is have a chat with your kid regarding keeping stuff in the room that is against dorm policy. Suggest that if he/she ever has a roommate that he/she knows is doing this to approach the roommate first and ask them to not keep it in the room because they can both get in trouble. If the roommate is unresponsive, tell your kid to talk to the RA so it is clear that it isn’t your kid’s. I wouldn’t tag this particular roommate (who knows who your kid might room with in the future that might also do this?). This roommate is coming from a long ways away and a different culture – hopefully your kid can be welcoming and helpful to start with. RAs are there to help kids if roommate issues arise, but don’t invite trouble by assuming this roommate pairing won’t work based on a Google search.
What does Jamaica have to do with anything?
I think it is important your kids know what the rules are at their college and what potential repercussions could be.
When friends started moving off campus, one of our kids asked us on a holiday break about what happens if you are in someone’s apartment and the police show up to search. We explored all the scenarios, and told him he probably should expect to be held responsible for illegal activities going on. He was a bit indignant that he might be held responsible even if he wasn’t partaking. We emphasized he better call a local lawyer friend asap if that happened. He decided on his own not to take the chance. It seemed the friend did a little selling. We emphasized we were a whole lot more worried about whomever was supplying the drugs than the police. It didn’t seem there was a possibility the dorm rooms would be searched at that college and the dorms were not easily accessible to outsiders.
The “seller” is now in a tenure track teaching position at a very good school. Kid visited him last year at other kid’s family home for group vacation/reunion of sorts with a bunch of their college friends. I don’t see him as ever having been a bad influence on my kids. I am glad no one ever got searched or arrested.
Why did the school give you the name of the roommate and why are you cyberstalking this kid?
I knew my kid’s roommate’s name before kid moved to college. What’s wrong with that?
I wonder where the OP has disappeared…
Kids smoke pot and come from all corners of the earth, however if were my freshman child (or had been me) I would prefer that roommates be closer in age.
Some dorm rooms will open up second semester so if things are not working out for your child, have them get on the waiting list for a different room.
I’m not sure the OP said the roommmate was ACTUALLY older, just that they LOOKED and “acted” older. My 16 yo has been mistaken for a graduate student, even a professional in her mid-twenties before. Maybe when she is 18 she’ll “look 29”. I’m not sure how someone can tell from a FB page how a person “acts 29”.
To the OP, lot of kids DO smoke weed, but if your child is confident in himself, he will not choose to partake if he is not interested. Obviously, he should be aware of the college’s rules and consequences for not following them. Some college and/or the towns they’re in take a much harder line than others.
As for “soft porn”, not sure what that means. Some people might call that a photo of a girl in a bathing suit, others would give that title to something more exposed. Since your son isn’t likely to take up “soft porn” viewing habits from his roommate’s Facebook page, I don’t think you need to be concerned with that.
My immediate reaction to the OP’s post was uh, oh, either OP doesn’t know what goes on with teens these days or OP’s teen is very sheltered, neither of which is a good thing, imo.
I’m assuming the OP got the roommate’s name from his/her kid. I don’t know my kid’s future roommate’s full name. But I’m sure some parents do ask, and the OP seems kind of overly involved so I’m guessing he/she did ask.
Chill weed-smoking Jamaican roommate sounds like a pretty good way to start off your freshman year.
Um I look 13 but I’m 22 so I’m not sure why the student’s looks matter? Anyways a lot of my friends smoke pot, they have offered it to me once. I said no I’m good, and they never asked me again. I think you should relax before you pop a blood vessel. As long as the roommate doesn’t store it in the room, everything should be fine. Maybe look up the school’s drug/alcohol policy? That way you guys can be prepared and know if their are any fees/consequences. Besides you didn’t mention where the kid is going to school, it may be legal in that state?
I think a lot of research has shown that white people tend to overestimate the age of black people. I suspect that is one of the things going on here. And I agree with the other posters, it’s not really your business. If the kid doesn’t want weed in the room it’s up to him to say so.
I smoked weed in college - just at weekend parties. Gave it up in grad school since I was no good at inhaling. Still love the way it smells though!
Given that we are–at last!–moving towards legalizing, marijuana, and it is already legal in some states, I wouldn’t get too worried about this.
Frankly, in terms of safety, I’d rather have my kid smoking pot than drinking.
As to why Jamaica is relevant…come on people, she’s talking about pot smoking. B-)
Agree to check dorm/university rules.
I suspect @mathmom is onto something. Being part of a biracial family I’ve seen this come up before.
I am not sure why the OP is depressed over this ?
Last year , my daughter roomed with a girl that came from a very different background , which I suspect is what the concern is with the mom. The girl was kind of quirky and had way too much stuff, but that was the only issue. While the two never became friends, they got along fine and watched out for each other. She even helped my daughter out when she was sick.
Two out of my three daughters had random roommates that were so different with little in common…the third chose a roommate based on FB incoming freshman …that one was the only one that didn’t work out. Relax and let your kid sort it out once they get to school.