<p>if your child had a serious attitude problem? Interesting question.</p>
<p>Have about five more kids. That gets rid of it pretty quickly! ;)</p>
<p>How old is said child? If over 18, I’d consider not paying the next tuition installment…</p>
<p>it might be just me- but going your screen name- I would say you set yourself up! ;)</p>
<p>Well define attitude problem.</p>
<p>Girl, rolls eyes, stomps out of room, nothing.
Boy, drips sarcasm, speaks in grunts, nothing.</p>
<p>Actual flouting of critical rules or outright clear and persistent rudeness? That’s something else altogether.</p>
<p>Your question is so vague it works as a sociology experiment to see how parents answer and what they assume is meant by “serious attitude problem”</p>
<p>are you talking about attitude towards parents, school, friends work, what</p>
<p>cause vagueness irks me</p>
<p>I mean an attitude problem that will seriously affect their relationship with others and themselves (which impacts a lot) negatively…</p>
<p>Need some examples and data, otherwise we’re guessing. Male, female, age you know - details. :)</p>
<p>so a general snootiness? it kind of depends on where it is coming from</p>
<p>there was a boy in my D’s class in 8th grade who she thought was mean, when we talked about it, we learned he was being teased ALOT by the other boys, so his anger was coming out, he was also a bit immature</p>
<p>another girl had “mean” friends, so she was trying to get in with them so acted snooty to “impress”</p>
<p>and some kids are afraid of not having friends, so as a defense mechanism, may act hostile, so it looks like its there choice to be friendless</p>
<p>whatever the 'cause" there is no reason not to say, you need an attutude adjustment"- the approach of the parent may be different, depending on why kid is acting out</p>
<p>are they just losing friends, or is it affecting things like options a schoo, recommendations, and the like</p>
<p>KissMeKate,
Don’t know the circumstances, but I know that no one can “get to us” as effectively as our kids. All we know right now is that you’re upset with how your son or daughter is feeling and how he or she is expressing that feeling. I assume that, by writing here, you’re trying to get a little distance from the situation (and maybe your emotions), so that you can react in a helpful way.</p>
<p>I have that same problem. I have a 14-year old with an incredible attitude. She is very smart and good at a lot of things but needs to learn humility in a big way. My husband and I call every nasty remark to her attention and I’ve recently come to the point where I will say to her “please leave the room for a little while because I can not listen to your remarks anymore right now.”</p>
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<p>I wuld say “welcome home son, how was your day at school?”</p>
<p>Full disclosure: surly, grumpy 8th grade S.</p>
<p>Kate - people change. Young people change a lot over short periods of time. Attitudes change, goals change, moods change. I wouldn’t worry about it too much unless it’s a severe, “I’m going to dress all in black take a gun to school and shoot everyone” sort of “attitude problem”. One of the nice things about this phase of life (end of high school, beginning of college) is that the kids get to pretty much re-invent themselves when they go away to college, if they want to. Nerds can become social butterflies. Jocks can get studious. The cards get shuffled and redealt. So I wouldn’t worry about something perceived as an “attitude problem” as long as the kid’s getting through life OK. Next year will bring a whole new set of issues, and probably a different outlook on life.</p>
<p>I believe that KissMeKate is a freshman in high school.</p>
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<p>I am taking “serious” to mean something that can’t be understood as simply a normal problem that occurs with a high percentage of teenagers.</p>
<p>I also assume that annual physicals are up to date so the possibility of an underlying physical problem has been, or can quickly be, investigated.</p>
<p>I further assume that I’ve talked with the teen about the problem more than once, or I’ve observed the problem over a period of time, so that the problem is something persistent and not ephemeral.</p>
<p>Under all those conditions, the next thing I would do is ask myself what I or my wife might be doing to cause or exacerbate the problem. One of the best parenting aphorisms I ever heard is “If you want your child to improve in a given area, improve yourself in that area.”</p>
<p>I would also look for independent confirmation from other adults that this problem is indeed serious or well beyond normal in some way. Presumably, the serious problem is manifesting itself in grades, social relationships, school behavior, happiness, etc., and perhaps it has come to the attention of helping professionals such as guidance counselors or school psychologists.</p>
<p>Given all of the above, and given that the problem is persisting or getting worse, then I would look into finding a therapist for the teenager. Family therapy might also be warranted, though I would probably first want to find a therapist for the teenager so as to get a professional assessment of the situation.</p>
<p>we have a code in our house, if some one says something rude, or snippy, or with attitude, I say “tater tot” …what that does is get the person who is saying something rude to think about what they said and try to rephrase what they said…sometimes, they don’t realize what they say is snooty, or they do, but its already said, saying tator tot is a quick way to show, honey, think about what you said, was is appropriate and maybe you want to start over again, and it stops mom from 'snapping back"…it works for us as it is a simple way to let kid know what they said was not good and the kid can change the words etc, without getting all defensive and having the situation escalate</p>
<p>sometimes, my H will come home in what I ca’ '“guy mode” he has been with contractors and men all day, so he has to switch mental gears when he walks in the door, and sometimes, he doesn’t realize he is talking loud, being a smart aleck, cause he has been that way all day on the jobsite… </p>
<p>i think sometimes kids are “on” all day, and feel safe at home getting out the “meanness” and direct it at siblings, parents, etc…not the right thing to do, but they know you will still love them and be there for them even if they act like jerks</p>
<p>I woud look at:</p>
<p>circle of friends (they can have a huge impact on attitude)</p>
<p>successes and failures</p>
<p>boy problems, sometimes its easier to rejec tothers befire they reject you</p>
<p>how her friends act with each other - my D has one friend she is extra “fiesty” with, and that behavior sometimes crosses over to how she deals with me…thats when TATOR TOT is uttered…</p>
<p>i can get realllllly cranky if my blood sugar level is low, and with my D, i can tell if she hasn’t eaten well some days if she is extra snippy, so diet, sleep patterns etc can contribute to an already snooty kid</p>