What would you give on this actual sat essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>I just wanted to see what you guys would give on this actualy essay I wrote in december and then I will post what I got. Its just to see how accurate an outside reader can be.</p>

<p><a href=“http://i1251.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/albums/hh550/dankula94/eassaypg1.jpg[/url]”>http://i1251.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/albums/hh550/dankula94/eassaypg1.jpg&lt;/a&gt; page 1</p>

<p><a href=“http://i1251.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/albums/hh550/dankula94/essaypage2.jpg[/url]”>http://i1251.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/albums/hh550/dankula94/essaypage2.jpg&lt;/a&gt;
page 2</p>

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<p>What is the prompt?</p>

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<p>lol my bad</p>

<p>The pressures to conform in a modern free society are not as drastic as they were in the past, when failure to conform meant imprisonment or worse. Such influences are, however, more dangerous because they are hard to detect. These are the pressures to live like our neighbors, to think like our community, to reshape ourselves in the image of someone else. The appeal of belonging to a group is attractive, but doesn’t such conformity destroy our individuality? Adapted from Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn By Living </p>

<p>ASSIGNMENT:Is it always harmful for an individual to think and live as other people do? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

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<p>I’m noticing some minor syntactical errors, omitted words, and misused words that sound alike (e.g., “simplicity” instead of “simply”)… be a little more careful. Your topic sentences are not what a reader is going to go for. Never say “X has cases to substantiate Y,” especially if X= a broad category and Y= your thesis, alluded to vaguely. </p>

<p>Bigger issues: your first and second body paragraphs seem to be addressing different prompts. Your first paragraph is good, but in the second it seems as though you were wildly trying to finish as the time constraint pressed down. The evidence is tenuous: Jefferson came into the picture a little after a century into slavery. He was not an instigator, and actually pushed against the current on slavery. His peers, remember, felt slavery to be ordained by God, and often beat and harassed their slaves. Furthermore, the evidence points only loosely in your direction, and has to be beaten into shape to even fit into the topic.</p>

<p>My guess is that you received a score between 7 and 9, inclusive. Am I right?</p>

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<p>^ Thanks for the advice. I will keep that in mind for my next essay.</p>

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<p>@eagles94; should’ve left it open a little longer, I wanted to take a guess at it too. :)</p>

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<p>haha yeah my bad again</p>

<p>I edited the post so no one can see it now.</p>