<p>What’s common decency? Doing it privately, behind closed doors? Yeah, I guess…But as said before, you dont know how much it could escalate from being in private.</p>
<p>Common decency is to have a bit of self control and realize jsut because the breast and hand are both there they don’t have to meet, common decency is not doing something private in public, common decency is having respect for anothers home and not doing something there you would not do in your own home</p>
<p>I can guarantee you that neither one of them would have done that in front of their own parents</p>
<p>and am I to really belive that if it was momoffours daughter she would have just let the behavior continue, bet dad would have loved to walk in on that</p>
<p>sure, kids sneak stuff, but when an adult comes it, the hand shouldn’t stay there and yes, they should behave in such a fashion that anyone will be walking around THEIR OWN HOME at any time they want</p>
<p>When my Ds have friends over, I don’t hover, but I shouldn’t be afraid to walk into my own livingroom and I shouldn’t be “banned” from it either because of the “sensitive” nature or whatever of the teen brain</p>
<p>and believe me, if they are nervy enough to do that in my livingroom, they are most likely doing other stuff already elsewhere, me banning groping on my sofe suddenly won’t drive them to sex in the bushes, to infer that is almost laughable</p>
<p>the idea is that I don’t say, yeah, whetever, do what you like, becuase if I don’t allow it you might do worse in private…sure that makes sense</p>
<p>I’m with you cgm, I would have felt so uncomfortable and angry at both the boy and the girl. That’s showing a lack of respect for you if either thinks what they were doing/allowing was acceptable behavior. I don’t see anything wrong with a straightforward talk with the girl so she knows where you stand. BTW, I don’t think one can have a valid opinion on this subject unless they are a parent. An opinion yes, but not a valid one.</p>
<p>Maybe angry is not the right word - disappointed might be better.</p>
<p>i probably would have asked them to help me pick up dishes, move something, cook something, put away something…i just would have done something to let them know that i was aware of their behavior and that i was creating a diversion. maybe it’s cowardly, but i think they would be smart enough to pick up on my “hint”</p>
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<p>Well if it didn’t stop when I entered the room I might, as I said, clear my throat dramatically. I certainly wouldn’t be shocked or offended, but I don’t want a front row seat at my child’s romantic life either.</p>
<p>I agree that this couple was “pushing the envelope” and that the behavior suggested (perhaps unintentionally) a lack of respect for the host parents. Showing affection is one thing (hug, holding hands, etc.) but clearly sexual behavior belongs in a private setting IMO. </p>
<p>A diversion is a good tactic if they get the hint. I also agree that addressing the issue with the host teen is appropriate - if only to clue the host teen in on what is appropriate behavior when in a group.</p>
<p>Signed,
a fuddyduddy from the fifties</p>
<p>Just because they weren’t really doing anything wrong doesn’t mean that it is something they would want their parents to know about. I have done many things which I don’t think are wrong, but I definitely would feel embarrassed if my parents were to know about them. </p>
<p>I doubt they were doing anything so inappropriate, as their peers were in the room and nobody seems to have said anything by it. If it’s an issue of their respect towards you, that is between you and them, not their parents. If you had made your rules clear in the beginning, I bet they would have backed off (the boy did go home soon afterwards, probably humiliated). There is no need to tell any other adults about it and embarrass him further, unless something happens again. Nobody was unclothed, and yes, it understandably made it uncomfortable and it was your home, but I think you should really get over it and not tell the girl’s parents about the boy - then she’ll think differently of a potential boyfriend of her daughter’s, and there is no way to be tactful about it without embarrassing her daughter as well - and it doesn’t sound to me like either of them did anything to merit that. I think they got the point, and I doubt they’ll try any more funny business in your home. Leave it at that.</p>
<p>Imagine if dad just put his hand on mom’s breast while all were watching tv…bet the kids would just think, okay, go for it dude, especially if friends were in the house</p>
<p>I would think it was inappropriate, absolutely. I wouldn’t tell my grandparents about it. Actually, I would try my best to never think about it ever again.</p>
<p>:) yeah, and imagine if mom and dad started dancing like the kids do…yeah, that is the new plan, lets all start freakin’!!!</p>
<p>Hey, at least it means they still dig each other.</p>
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<p>Nah! Kids would probably be grossed out. Mom and Dad are asexual beings–Dad to bring home the bacon, Mom to cook it.</p>
<p>As for freakin’, we’d probably throw out a back or knee at our age…</p>
<p>TMI. Thanks.</p>
<p>We ALL know our parents were asexual, well, except for a few times, depending on how many children they had. ;)</p>
<p>My son is 23 and my daughter 18 and over the years we have dealt with similar situations many times. It’s important for the kids to know that there are expectations and standards of behavior that will be enforced but at the same time feel comfortable so that your house can be a place to congregate. (The best way to have a handle on who your kids hang with and get a sense of whether there’s anything going on about which to be concerned is to make your house a social center for your kids and their friends.)</p>
<p>Our approach was to combine bluntness with humor. Direct talk, no punches pulled but with smiles and some laughter. When a coed crowd came over, my 4’ 11" wife would announce : “There are 3 rules. No smoking, no drinking or drugs and no sex - either with someone else or yourself.” If we walked into a room and kids were “on top” of each other, we would simply announce: “Daylight, I want to see daylight.” If there were denials that anything improper was going on, we would announce that my wife was going to sit on my lap in the room or we would grab each other and embrace, which would elicit a chorus of “ewww”. We would then explain that’s the way we also felt when we walked into the room and saw the kids doing the same. Some times we would pull out the heavy artillery. My wife would put on the “party dress” (over her clothing). It consisted of 4 paper plates connected by string and made to drape over you like a paper plate sandwich board. 3 of the plates were strategically placed in front and one over her butt in the back. Each of them had the words “Do not touch” written in red marker with a horizontal red line through it. Real clear communication. Jaws would drop and then hysterics would ensue. But we got the message across without being accusatory or judgmental. It got to the point where my wife would simply ask “Do I have to put the party dress on” to elicit laughter but an immediate cessation of any cuddling activity that was approaching “the line”.</p>
<p>The net result was that we always had a house full of kids and rarely had a problem. I am convinced that because we weren’t heavy handed and acted very matter of factly about what was acceptable and what wasn’t that the kids respected our limits and enjoyed being at our house.</p>
<p>I would most likely grab the young man’s hand and move it away from the objectionable position while announcing, “I didn’t just see what I thought I did, did I?”</p>
<p>Or you could have said, “Johnny, that’s not the same girl whose breasts I saw your hand on last night.” and left the room. That would have ended the situation. (I’m being facetious)</p>
<p>CGM, I’ll bet anything that those kids thought they were being subtle about it. 
I doubt that, until they were told, they knew that their “caresses” were obvious for what they were, especially since the boy moved his hand, just a little, when you came in. Trust me: they would otherwise had been mortified when you walked in. Teenagers can be clueless – we all were, although not always about the same things.</p>
<p>While I’m not a prude and I’m not naive about teenagers being sexually active, I would feel compelled to “break it up” as well. I agree with many of the suggestions here, especially the option of asking one or both of them to help you with a chore. That alone would probably jar them into realizing that you know what they were up to. A one-liner, to let them know that they aren’t being as clever as they think, would also be good. A little humiliation is not a bad thing, as long as you don’t dwell on it.</p>
<p>An awkward situation…lol. I’m kind of a direct person…I would have walked straight over to the couple, smiled and raised my eyebrows and said, Uh, NO!
Teens now are very casual…the way they dance, the music they listen to. It’s hard for girls to get the respect they deserve. Boys just want to hang out at house parties and ‘hook up’ instead of taking girls out. It’s a whole mind set. Girls have to be twice as strong to get respect because so many girls allow this nonsense. But what do I know? My D’s friends call me the Pilgrim! lol</p>