Annoying things my parents did when I was a kid include:
my mom, sister, & I going to pick up my dad occasionally at work so we could all go out to dinner and he’d take forever to come out of the office building. Sometimes, we’d be waiting there for an hour while he was basically gabbing inside with a coworker.
When I got my period for the 1st time, my mom brought out a pack of feminine products. Ok, no problem. But she went on and on about how “Oh my baby is a woman now!” and other embarrassing nonsense. Meanwhile, I was thinking, “Well, this sucks and is a pain in the butt!” but my mom was over the moon excited. Made me want to totally avoid talking to her about any questions involving lady parts. Fast forward to my eldest daughter got her period & by that time, I’d vowed to myself not to repeat the nonsense from my mom. Yesterday, said daughter told me that she appreciates how I was “super chill about it.”
How my mom insisted on sewing so many of our clothes when I was a kid. But she wasn’t an expert seamstress or anything. Regularly got teased in elementary school about what I wore. It was really embarrassing.
How my mom kept my hair cut so short that when I was in 1st grade, some kids in my grade asked me if I was a boy.
How we had to eat liver for dinner sometimes. And it didn’t matter how much ketchup you slathered on it, it was always horrible.
How my mom’s idea of taco salad was to add tortilla chips & Thousand Island dressing. But now my sister & I laugh about it.
How we always had to be super quiet during the evening news or else my dad would flip out.
How I had to stay in Girl Scouts for as long as I did. Hated selling cookies door to door. It sucked. Camporee once a year in May was fun though.
Being forced to try to learn how to play french horn the summer before 7th grade because my mom & the piano teacher told the middle school band director that I’d play the french horn in concert band. And I already looked like a dork, didn’t want to add to it by having to lug a big french horn case to school every day. She got super mad when I refused. But she backed down and I successfully avoided not becoming a total social pariah as a result.
Sadly, my father drove drunk with me in the car as well - quite regularly. He went into recovery when I was sixteen and remained sober until he passed away in 2020. The fact that he had quit drinking, and then quit smoking 10 years later was amazing to me! But there were many rough years prior to his sobriety that I will never forget.
I am so sorry for those of you (so many!) who had to ride in the car with a drunk parent. . As a worry filled child I would have been so so so uncomfortable
My dad also smoked a lot when we were young. And same, one day he just quit cold turkey. Never had another. Apparently he did the same with drinking when he met my mom. I think he knew it was the only way for him - all or nothing.
I had this really cool Swatch (?) phone featuring a transparent case that revealed colorful innards. I used it frequently and for long periods of time as a teen.
My mom also enjoyed talking on the phone (other phones in the house…), so from time to time she would pick up another line and something like the following would ensue:
“Mom! I’m on the phone!”
“Prezbucky, hurry up – I need to make a call.”
“Hi Mrs. S.” (person I was speaking with)
“Who is this?”
“__________”
“Shouldn’t you be practicing your solo? / Five minutes, Prezbucky.”
It was awful. And no one would listen to a kid’s opinion back then. Way before MADD and the eventual sea change on this behavior. (And also tons of smokers in my family, although not my parents. I remember as a child crying and crying to get my grandfather to quit).
I know this seems like an innocuous statement, but if you are a perfectionistic, over-achieving, pleasing personality type, it is not the best thing to say. Because my, “best,” was often pretty good, so it felt like a lot of pressure. I purposely refrained from saying this to our ds.
I played (still play) classical guitar. My mom always wanted me to drag it out and, “perform,” for her friends. Again, a pressure thing, and it was presented in a bit of an, “I pay for the lessons, you owe me this,” kind of way. I still hate performing in public. I told my ds early on in his musical studies (he plays piano) that I would likely ask him to play for people, BUT he never had to do that. I told him to simply say, “I don’t feel like doing that,” and I wouldn’t mind/complain at all. He never turned me down and he is a total ham of a performer. I take some (not all) credit for that because I gave him the freedom to say, “No.”
I had a great mom. I don’t think she ever had any bad intentions in either of these areas, but neither sat well with me. But, as the saying goes, “You’re never useless if you can serve as a bad example.” I think many of us have consciously tried to make different choices than our parents did in areas where they annoyed us.
One thing I found really annoying is when I asked my parents money for school supplies, they said no, I was ok with it , until later I heard that she gave my little brother money for v bucks…
My mother always used to say she was proud of us, as long as we were trying and doing our best. And sometimes I’d have straight A’s on report card, except for D for F in handwriting. (In my defense, I probably should have been encourage to be left handed … in Kindergarten there was still no clear preference, but I do self-learned things like dealing cards left handed). If I got a C, we went out for ice cream.
I was grounded for an 89 for the first nine weeks of Alg I. I missed the first week of high school because my parents hadn’t closed on the house yet and the school system wouldn’t let us enroll while we were living in a tent.
Dad rousted us at 8 am on Saturday mornings to clean our rooms and the house. No breakfast, TV or going outside til it was done. Often it didn’t pass inspection til after 2 pm. (yeah, military family)
My mom smoked like a chimney when we were growing up. Quit shortly after her first grandchild was born. Didn’t realize how everything (including myself) smelled like smoke until after I came home for winter break freshman year of college and the smoke smell at home was overwhelming. We were all nose-blind to it.
Also had the pixie haircut til 4th grade, at which point I was “allowed” to grow out my hair – but my dad used a metal comb on my tangles.
Not allowed to learn an instrument because of $$, but my sibs were.
Didn’t talk to us about hygiene, periods or anything remotely personal. Learned the hard way later.
This is a depressing thread, but a reminder of all the ways I chose to parent my children differently. They probably have their own list of outrages, though!
I was largely raised by my maternal grandmother, as my mom divorced early and was therefore a single parent working full time.
My grandmother was the most frugal person I have ever encountered. One example which mortified my shy first grade self:
Our class had some outside game day planned, and each student was supposed to bring an egg to use in an egg toss contest. My grandmother absolutely would not allow me to bring an egg which would ultimately break and be wasted on the ground. Not only that, she insisted that I tell the teacher that it was not ok with my family to waste food. I was such a shy kid, this was so hard.
Years later, when I was old enough to understand, my grandmother shared with me what she endured as a young mother with two small children living as refugees in Eastern Germany during WW2. Her very rich family had lost everything and they were living in the loft of a barn for the winter. One day she found an egg while foraging through the fields. That was all the food the family had for the day.
I miss my grandmother so much and share stories about her with my children who never met her. She may not have been perfect, but taught me many valuable lessons. Most especially to never take anything for granted.
I guess there is always something that kids don’t like about their parents. But sometimes they need to understand that parents sometimes do these things to help or protect their kids. For example, they may say you can’t go out with friends after school, most likely, kids will get angry and start asking questions, but they do not know yet that going may have cost them their life. I heard of a story of two friends who went out into the woods without their parents noticing and they disappeared after, never found.
I think this is the most important thing to take away from most (notice I said MOST) of the posts on this thread. Everyone can look back and gripe about clothing, haircuts, and pressure for great grades.
Our parents may have been wrong and it’s cathartic to get it out (my mom harped about every 5lbs I gained as a tiny teenager- so annoying) but the vast majority of these stories come from a good place. My best friend had parents who didn’t care about any of that stuff, they didn’t care about anything at all and it broke her heart. I can’t imagine the things I’ve been wrong about with my kids, so many things I’m sure. I just hope they grant me a little grace.
I had a fat shame mom, she was a chubby kid who took immense pride being thin, her mom was very petite. Unfortunately healthy living, clean eating, daily exercise didn’t prevent esophageal cancer, passed in her early 70’s, she used to joke with her oncologist that she was the healthiest patient dying. I remember my wedding, I was 5’8”, 128 pounds, wore a bikini once on my honeymoon because I felt huge. “Mom I’m hungry” “have a piece of fruit”
My mom did similar things (just wait 20 min and you’ll feel full!) and I actually struggle not to do the same to my daughter, who put on a few pounds her freshman year of college. Healthy living is really important to my husband and I but I bite my tongue, I remember how that felt. And I’ve long forgiven my mom who was simply a product of her generation and wanted the best for me. Although at 79 years old (!) she will still tell me about some new diet she’s trying.
I made it a point not to let her do it to my kids (we lived 1/4 mile away and she was second mother). Most of my 5 took after their dad’s side, painfully thin, but one was normal, the other took after my side (my dad was overweight). My “normal” daughter to,d my mom that she was regular sized, could eat anything she wanted, and was enjoying her excellent metabolism (she’s almost 28, she now eats better and exercises regularly, and is still at a very normal weight). As most of the parents in this discussion, I made it a point not to push the issue due to my childhood, and my kids are so annoying with their healthy eating and exercise.
Another oldest daughter here. We also had regular room inspections, usually on Sunday nights. Sometimes my father would inspect our dresser drawers. If they were too messy, he’d dump the drawer on the floor and we’d have to pick up everything and put it back neatly.
We also had regular family meetings on Sunday nights (prior to the inspections). This meeting usually consisted of my father telling us what chores needed to be done that week (i.e. bringing in 5 logs each from the woodpile for fires in the fireplace). We were also told that a we needed to help my mother more.
My father went to a Catholic military academy which probably explains a lot of his behavior. Nonetheless I dreaded Sunday nights. As you can guess, I didn’t carry on this practice with my kids.
My husband (and his father and his brothers) attended a Catholic military high school in their town. When I first heard of it, twas a new concept to me.
But now my sister & I laugh about it.
. As a worry filled child I would have been so so so uncomfortable