<p>I live in SF Bay area, my parents, my husband’s parents, my brother, my husband’s sisters and all of their respective families live in LA. We quit going to LA for Thanksgiving about 15 years ago, when the air prices got ridiculous, and the normal 6 hour drive turned into 8 or 10 on Thanksgiving weekend. D already was coming up with excuses to be out of town for Thanksgiving in high school. So I figure, she’s in LA, she can camp with a grandparent, there’s no way she wants to come home. But amazingly enough, she begged for air tickets home. I was thinking she was going to miss us. Nope, all her friends are coming home too. I wonder if she’ll be at our house for Thanksgiving dinner…</p>
<p>DS just called seriously bummed out that he can’t do fencing with his commitment to the orchestra. He was also upset that the can’t take violin and piano lessons and sing in the choir and play in the orchestra. He was so agitated until he came up with this solution: Okay, sad, no fencing. Play in orchestra, join a cappella group. Take violin lessons, play piano accompaniment for voice chamber group. Skip campus Dems but go to environmental club at 10 pm right after orchestra wraps up.</p>
<p>Hm…What was his rationale for not going to a conservatory?</p>
<p>I’m lucky; one kid, two hour drive, the other four hour drive. At least this year we’ll be together and gorge on…movies. As so many people in our family died or moved away our tiny remaining band decided to see movies on Thanksgiving. We eat simply (I hate the food frenzy) and see two; often one was a Harry Potter. Any and all are welcome to join us.</p>
<p>If either of them elected against coming it would be okay with me. I have a life long aversion to this holiday; I feel sorry for the Native Americans who were helping their European decimators thrive, and I have memories of downtrodden female folk slaving away while all the guys watched football. We’d eat dinner during half-time; then women took care of mess, and dessert at the end; then women took care of mess.</p>
<p>But no one can resist the lure of the multiplex. D has many opportunities to see movies, but this time, I pay. S is kind of cloistered in the boonies though he does have a mall with multiplex 30 minutes away, but no car!</p>
<p>I have particularly liked to include those with no family here and no Thanksgiving traditions, like good friend and her family from India. However, as people become acclimatized to US our unconventional style no longer seems like Thanksgiving and we lose them.</p>
<p>Two kids on S’s floor from CA so maybe we will have visitors.</p>
<p>That first Thanksgiving after leaving home seems to be an important get-together-with-high-school-friends time for the kids.</p>
<p>Although flying the day before Thanksgiving can be a real hassle due to the crowds, flying on Thanksgiving day itself at least used to be (it’s been a while since I’ve done it) a great time to fly due to a lack of crowds. If the timing works out, especially flying east to west, this is an option to be considered.</p>
<p>USC vs. ASU at home. i have season tickets. why wouldnt i stay?</p>
<p>We’ve rarely been home for the traditional Thanksgiving dinner–we’ve had some exotic travels over Thanksgiving, which always included a generally entertaining search for turkey of some sort… I’ve already asked D what her plans are…but, I’m thinking we may all rendezvous in NYC for the weekend…she can take a train from DC, and we can fly up and enjoy one of our “traditional” family Thanksgivings, maybe eating a turkey sandwich at a local deli!!! (and we’ve never seen the Macy’s parade)…</p>
<p>D went to a friend’s house last (freshman) year since travel home is a nine-hour trip by air IF all flights are on time. I let her make the decision and she knew that, realistically, she’d wind up stranded somewhere in an airport. </p>
<p>She is fine with doing the same this year, especially since Christmas break begins 3 weeks after Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>Don’t worry about your freshmen. They’ll do just fine. It’s YOUR home that will seem too quiet, so make some plans to join family or invite lots of people over!</p>
<p>T’day is hubby’s favorite; the kitchen is his and recipes are researched for weeks. The 2 older ones made it home each of their college years. This last one is now on the west coast. This first year she’s taking a frequent flyer mile red-eye on Tuesday night. She will get to see all her HS pals. I don’t expect the need will be so great next year.</p>
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<p>Why “pleasantly” surprised? I think it’s nice, and important, for families to be together at holidays when possible. I’m 50 years old and still cherish holidays with my parents and siblings (when we manage to do it).</p>
<p>If it can’t be done it can’t be done. But you won’t find me (or my kids lol) sounding joyful about it.</p>
<p>Bravo for you, marite, inviting the roommates to Thanksgiving!</p>
<p>Let’s see–son never tried to make the trip from Boston to Seattle… but his last year, we went there and had a lovely dinner at Harvest Restaurant in Cambridge with him, three friends of his, our D (who flew overnight from Portland, OR and went back two days later), and my in-laws.</p>
<p>Dmd:</p>
<p>I remember you like the Harvest!</p>
<p>S got invited by one of his roommates to LA this past summer and the roommate’s parents really put themselves out to entertain him. I’ve really enjoyed meeting the roommates and other friends. It’s a perk of living close to the campus.</p>
<p>Last Thanx we had my folks over, our two boys, my neighbor with her two boys, and my best friend from childhood (single woman) who is an only child and whose parents both died. I’m doing the same this year and hope to get more people. I’m working toward a houseful one day- neighbors, friends, extended family. That way the devil may care if one or both of my kids don’t show up one of these years. That’s what it’s all about to me.</p>
<p>Our D did not come home as a freshman. We thought that the airfare was expensive and that she would be home in a few weeks anyway. By the time she ate all her meals “out” for the entire weekend, since the dining facilities were closed, we were in the red in comparison to the cost of travel. It was her idea to come home this year, and her ticket has already been purchased!</p>
<p>weenie – I said and mean “pleasantly surprised” because I repeatedly experience on CC that the PARENT’s wishes, fears, desires, and yes “family traditions” are being mistaken by that parent for the “right” or “only” way and then imposed on their young adult student.</p>
<p>It has been wonderful to hear people talk of what the student wants to do: go to a friend or roommate’s home, travel, study for finals, etc. rather than the parent’s lament that the student “should” or “must” come home, etc. As if parents and children cannot be close or enjoy a holiday if it isn’t in a particular place, all together and doing the same time-honored specific thing.</p>
<p>Yes, I have enjoyed reading posts from parents whose “traditions” are inviting orphans or strangers into their homes, instead of being locked into “what we always do AS A FAMILY.” Or travel to different places and experience new things rather than repeat the same thing year after year.</p>
<p>Sure rituals maybe reassuring to some or, to those people even equate to “a close family,” but I find it exciting to try new and different arrangements and am not threatened if my S choses to do something else and/or with others. Apparently many others feel the same way. </p>
<p>Yes, I like that.</p>
<p>So I guess AGAIN we are one of those families that move heaven and earth to all be together as a family for Turkey Day and other holidays.</p>
<p>With 5 kiddos stretched across the US they manage to get themselves home in time for turkey. Yes, we have BIG turkeys (more than 1), ham, and all the fixings with desserts that I start cooking days ahead of time.</p>
<p>DD #2 and son have had to each miss one due to NCAA sport commitments but have managed to avoid any absences since. This year they all bought their tickets early as did their childhood friends who also fly, drive whatever means necessary to come home.</p>
<p>Yes it is a short time and long distances, but they all look forward to it and plan months in advance. As of Sept. 1st, they all have been asking am I looking for new recipes, who is sleeping where, who is driving to pick up X and will Y be bringing Z???</p>
<p>As the holidays approach, the phone calls become a little more excited and frequent and it is infectious. We had a houseful last year, 25+ and my little “shoe” was overflowing!</p>
<p>They all know that in the years to come there will be times when they will be physically unable to come home (military commitments, career choices) and be all together. And they are also aware of how very precious this time together is, hence their and my want to protect it for as long as we can.</p>
<p>DD’s flight and friends’ ends up between 2 layovers and 3000 miles to be rather a long journey, but she said she will never miss it again. It just hurt too much.</p>
<p>So I guess it is what the “students” want to do. Son at USNA is counting the days to T-day. Someone will be waiting for him at the gate at USNA to bring him home and our biggest problem is that we all can’t fit into the car to pick him up.</p>
<p>Oldest daughter snuck my fav Christmas CD on the other day knowing it was just what I needed to hear. Only took a few minutes and the kiddos didn’t seem so far away.</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>katwkittens–That is wonderful if the kids feel the same way as the parents and there is no guilt trip placed on any member if (and when) they don’t make it to the festivities.</p>
<p>I am aware that there are situations where coming HOME for Thanksgiving in college is just the first round of a power struggle that extends to when the children are married. </p>
<p>Then it becomes a tug-of-war. “You HAVE to be here for Thanksgiving (or X-mas).” And, “WELL, you went to his (or her) parents’ house last year, you HAVE to come here this year.”</p>
<p>Candidly, it isn’t about caring as much as it is POWER and CONTROL.</p>
<p>My S can come visit or not. I can always call and tell him I love him and am thinking about him. If he has other plans for a holiday, that is fine with me.</p>
<p>i might go and visit…i probably have a bit more time off for thanksgiving than my son. thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of all, and i would like for everyone to be together, but there comes a day when that’s barely possible. when i was younger, i never gave it a second thought if i couldn’t make it home for a holiday…i think as i get older i realize how precious those holidays are…when you are younger, there’s always next year!</p>
<p>07DAD - I see what you mean, I just feel that families matter, A LOT. And I’m never embarrassed to say so. (My kids would agree by the way, and instead of feeling stifled by their tight family I know it has always made them feel secure, liberated, loved and needed.) </p>
<p>Although mixing in friends and “orphans” is great fun and we do that too when we can! </p>
<p>Anyway, I understand that not everyone feels that way about their family, and that’s fine for them. Different strokes. I’m sorry that you see family traditions as exercises in “power and control.” I think that would be very sad for all involved.</p>
<p>This will be first year S & I will not be together on T-day. He doesn’t want the hassle of flying across country. As he will be a senior, I can respect his wishes. I do know that neither of us will be alone.</p>
<p>I’m hoping my son will come home for Thanksgiving but I can understand if he doesn’t. It’s a six hour drive for him each way. I’ve told him he can invite two of his friends that live another several hours farther away. My daughter is in China, so I guess she’s out. We always have a houseful of people including cousins my kids ages so they enjoy getting together as much as we adults do. There are so many people that I’m not sure I will miss my daughter as much as she will miss us.</p>