What's A Daughter To Do?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Hey y’all :slight_smile: </p>

<p>First off, I’m actually a high school senior, but what I really need is some mature adult advice! I’m from CA, but my family lives abroad in Asia right now and my parents won’t be moving back to the US until they retire, which could be anywhere in five to ten years. </p>

<p>My parents are super quiet people, and they don’t have many friends, and they don’t have friends that they hang out with and stuff, they kinda just stick together and they aren’t really interested in meeting new people. I’m super close with my parents, they’re both more like my friends than my parents, since they give me almost complete freedom too. </p>

<p>I leave for college in the fall, and it’s like 10,000 miles away from my family. Which means no Christmas gathering for me, and I’ll probably see my family over the summer at best. It’s a huge transition for me, and I’m scared that I won’t be used to it! It’s not that I need my parents around to cook or do my laundry or whatever because I do that stuff on my own, but the small things like having dinner as a family, yknow? :)</p>

<p>The crux of it is really that I’m worried about my parents :frowning: I intend to work in the US, which means I may never get to live anywhere near my parents ever. My mom’s a homemaker and she seems to be content with a daily routine of reading and watching tv. Is that normal? My parents tell me to worry about myself, and let them worry about themselves, but I guess I’m just concerned that their lack of social life is bad for them. Maybe it’s just because I’m a really social person, so I couldn’t imagine being in their shoes. </p>

<p>Am I unhealthily attached to my family? I know everyone says leaving the home you grew up in is part of growing up, but I guess I didn’t expect to be quite so far. A few states maybe, but definitely not across the whole world!! I’d love a parent’s input on everything I’m going through right now:) </p>

<p>I’ll definitely Skype my family every couple of days and leave a text or two daily just so they don’t worry, and I’ll be making a list of things that they could do and interests they can pursue as a sort of going away present, and if anyone has suggestions on how I can make this easier for my family please do advise me :slight_smile: </p>

<p>I’m sorry for this long rambling rant, but really, I guess I’m just at that stage where “not quite a girl not yet a woman” and I’m pretty confused about the future and yes I’m a huge worrywart :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Thanks everybody!!! :)</p>

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<p>So you are worried about your parents worrying about you because you are worried about them? :wink: This is more common than you know. Follow your parents advice and keep in close touch with them . That way they will be assured that you are taking good care of yourself. Good luck in your pursuits!!</p>

3

<p>I am sure that in addition to skype chats, they’d be thrilled to receive long letters from you. That would mean the world to them. They’d be saved and reread. </p>

<p>And it is wonderful that you are so connected to your family. This grounding will really serve you well in your adult life.</p>

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<p>Oh my, yes. That sounds heavenly.</p>

<p>You and your parents are just different when it comes to social needs. That’s fine. They are right… don’t worry about them.</p>

<p>You sound like a daughter any parent would love to have. Best wishes to you and all of your exciting adventures in the future!</p>

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<p>I know many parents who are similar to yours, and I assure you that it is perfectly normal! :slight_smile: It’s hard for extroverts to understand introverts, but it’s hard for introverts to understand extroverts too. a lot of people don’t need a social life to be content</p>

6

<p>I agree with the others posting, and I just want to add that you sound like a lovely young woman whose parents must be very proud. I wish you all good things as you begin your journey in school and beyond. :)</p>

7

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<p>Sounds like my wife though she works out and likes to travel too. She’s flying out to your location this afternoon.</p>

<p>You might have other people studying at your university or not. I recall your dual-enrollment questions a while ago but I don’t know where you will be attending. If you’re near a consulate, you might check in with them. The NY Consulate has socials for Singaporeans.</p>

<p>My wife has an aunt and uncle that live in Singapore and they have a daughter and three grandchildren that live in the United States. They visit every year and spend about two to four weeks together, usually with a moderate amount of traveling involved. Families make the long-distance thing work out, whether via travel or electronic means. Parents want their kids to succeed and sacrifice a lot for that goal - I’m sure that yours have done that all your life. Distance can make things a bit harder but your success and well-being will make them happy.</p>

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<p>It sounds as if your parents are doing what they want to do. Don’t worry about them. However, it will be a big adjustment for you – to live so far away from your family; to be on your own; to be in college; to not be able to go home for Christmas, much less weekends. Recognize that the biggest adjustment really belongs to you, and do all the things you mentioned to stay in touch.</p>

9

<p>You must live your own life.</p>

<p>My son went to college in Scotlland.</p>

<p>He could have gone to University of Florida, which is only 1 1/2 hours from my home.</p>

<p>That would have been nice, for me.</p>

<p>However, I am happy he is on a great adventure.</p>

<p>I am sure your parents feel the same way.</p>

10

<p>If you want them engaged in new people, give them grandchildren in a few years.
Until then, let them enjoy a quiet life.</p>

11

<p>Call them. Skype them. Keep them informed about your new life. Like foridadad55 says, you need to live your own life. My daughter left last year and I miss her, but I’m very happy she’s having great new adventures.</p>

12

<p>If it helps at all, please realize that you will not be alone in these feelings. You will meet others on campus with international backgrounds, or Americans with families posted overseas. Surprisingly, you will discover some students whose American hometowns are far from campus will be adjusting to new patterns of rare family visits. They too will understand.
They might feel it all just as keenly as you do, even though it’s within the same country. Also, some students cannot afford to go home, which hurts.</p>

<p>To a lesser or greater extent, all these students will also feel what you describe. It can’t be measured by geographic distance, as some who have parents around the globe will not be troubled, while others just “a few states away” will find it upsetting. Don’t measure these feelings by distance alone. I imagine if you were to say, some evening, “I just miss my family,” you will get a mixed reaction of “I don’t, not even a little bit” to “Me too, it hurts!” </p>

<p>If there are international clubs, these sometimes are great for finding people who will understand. Also keep an eye out for students who seem friendly and hospitable, living close to campus, within driving distance. If you let it be known you wish you had a Thanksgiving invitation, and you are friendly as you say, you might be able to get invited to someone else’s home for a holiday dinner, or even to stay a weekend. (Hint, hard!) I know Thanksgiving is not the same as Christmas, but it may help if you can go to other students’ homes for some holiday vacations, rather than stay in the dorms then. If you prefer to stay on campus, you might find the International Students clubs have group dinners then on campus.</p>

13

<p>p3t gives very good advice.</p>

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<p>OP, my S – an only child :slight_smile: – has been in Europe this year, and I actually have more and better conversations with him now, thanks to Skype and google hangout, than I did when he was in college 3 hrs drive away. We’ll chat for hours about books and movies, his adventures in cooking (no meal plan, and I’ve sent him recipes at his request),his evolving grad school plans, and other stuff. </p>

<p>Don’t worry: you and your parents have a good foundation for your relationship, and it will continue to evolve over time. My mother is now a 90-yr-old widow living alone, and very content. I talk to her every morning. That was not the case at other times. Just relax, and continue to enjoy the affection you share. You’re a good kid. :)</p>