Some POS software does not allow you to split appetizers, bottles of wine, etc. Splitting a check 7 ways may take an extra 10 minutes due to the software that the restaurant uses. In that time, a server could loose a new table and her place in rotation. That is why I said to TIP and tip well. And while some may not care about the server, you would if it was you or your son or daughter.
It really depends who you’re out with, so those who count it down to the last penny will want to slice and dice the bill. I hope that’s not the case and everyone can either put in their credit card and have it split evenly (minus the birthday), or estimate the cash for those paying that way. It’s a big inconvenience to ask for separate bills for several people and really not worth the effort.
I go out regularly with a group of friends. We all estimate our share, with tip, based on what we ate. It usually ends up being a very generous tip because we all tend to round up. If we’re treating someone, we add our share of that person’s bill. No server involvement necessary.
I still have a vivid memory of being invited to dine with a group when I was still a poor college student. I got soup as a meal and drank only water because I had no money. The group split the bill evenly. Yikes!
Personally, I stopped attending birthday party dinners with a shared check after I paid $250 for a $20 entree and a coke.
Just declaring (or bullying) people into a shared check can be really rude. Especially when you have a large number of people, some of whom might order multiple drinks and a steak dinner, while others are watching their wallets might order very little. It’s not a big deal if it’s just a couple of people ordering similarly priced meals, but a large number of people at an expensive place? No way. I wouldn’t be presumptuous enough to deem all my friends as wealthy, and that they can just suck it up and afford to pay for others. You end up with the big spenders comfortable ordering as they usually do, and the frugal people feeling taken advantage of.
Nothing wrong with one person putting it on their credit card and everyone else giving them cash, however, this sounds expensive, and who carries much cash anymore? And depending on your friends, some might conveniently forget to add tax and tip, though as I get older, I notice that people put in extra, not less.
As someone who was a longtime waitress, separate checks are not a huge deal, especially at an upscale place where they aren’t overwhelmed with tables. But you should tell the waiter/waitress when you order, don’t wait till they’ve already given you a check. If you’re paying big bucks for the meal, they can handle a little extra work.
To add…if it’s a large group of only women, they should figure it’s going to be separate checks, it’s not a surprise. I used to serve large tables of women (all separate checks), that I knew were probably not even going to tip me (the church ladies, it was so rare to get a tip from them). I took it as a challenge to still give them the best service ever, and sometimes I even squeezed a couple of bucks as a tip, quite an accomplishment!
If you intend to split the bill 7 ways, get some consensus from your group before going. Or if sepatate checks, agains your group should know waht to expect up front. Either way, it just shouldn’t be a surprise for your group.
I prefer separate checks, and then I can order what I want without getting someone else to pay for my extravagance. Or having to pay for 2 bottles of wine that I may not be drinking.
You can check with the restaurant before to see if separate checks are an issue, but I haven’t found that a problem at most restaurants now.
Highly recommend the Venmo app for instantly paying someone electronically. My college D uses it all the time with her friends and roommates, and now I use it with both of my kids. Most of my peers, however, are not using it. A friend bought show tickets for four of us this past week, and it would have been much easier to pay her instantly through Venmo rather than writing a check and getting it to her, or having cash to give her the next time I see her.
I have two friends with whom I have breakfast a couple of times a month. We generally split it except when it is one of our birthdays and then the other two cover it. One of us will use a card and take the cash generally.
My at home group is larger and we generally split it but if someone orders significantly more, she will toss in extra towards the tip. If it’s a birthday, we split that tab. It usually works out. For instance, I often get a glass of (house) wine but will order a cheaper entree and skip dessert. However, I generally don’t invite new people to join us on a birthday trip because I think it’s unfair to ask someone to pay the birthday tab of someone they don’t know.
For awhile, a group from my office was going out. While I enjoyed it very much, I am not a big drinker and other people were splitting multiple bottles of wine, pitchers of beer and the like. After being saddled with a bill of close to $100 for my share the second time I went, I decided to respond to the next email setting up a dinner by saying (to all) that I would love to come but only if alcohol was billed separately. We now ask for a separate bar tab and if I get one drink, I add it to the rest of my bill. It turned out that I was not the only one who wasn’t happy about the bar tab split.
When H and I go out with couples, we generally split the bill. We used to have friends who nickle and dimed and we would get separate checks with them. Even now, if one couple wants to spend a lot more, they either kick in more at the end or we get separate bills.
These situations are very difficult for people on a tighter budget.
I’d suggest picking a cheaper restaurant or better yet one with a prix fixe option. Then you could tell everyone in advance that it will be $X per person, with alcohol extra.
But really, I hate scrabbling around with the check in such cases. It’s fine with two people where one person can say “It’s $X each if we split it but my order was $X more than yours so let me throw in extra.”
We always split the bill when we go out with other couples, too.
I agree that having a reasonable prize fixe option at a flat rate is nice and everyone paying for own drinks. I also agree that just having it at a less expensive place is thoughtful for folks on s tight budget.
Agree that there needs to be a discussion in advance that the dinner is Dutch treat. Or perhaps this is a group that gets together regularly and already has a tradition (but then the OP wouldn’t be asking.) Also don’t like the splitting the bill equally idea if guests are placing very different types of orders price-wise. I once paid $120 for about $30 meal when some guests ordered lobster and bottles of wine and I had a fancy salad and a beer. I think the host would pay for the birthday guest’s meal.
I’ve had it done different ways–sometimes several folks contribute toward the meal of the honoree and other times the hostess pays fir honoree. I agree that discussing in advance about no-host/Dutch treat will avoid misunderstandings and hard feelings.
I know that many servers dislike groups that ask for seperate checks and that they believe that this is a “women’s issue” I have to say that I know many women who ask for seperate checks but NO men who do. Some of the men at work are appalled by doing so, or not splitting evenly. This behavior really hurt one of my female co workers who always wanted seperate checks or would say " mine was only 15 bucks so that’s what I’m putting in" during meals out with a group of us. One of those co- workers is now her boss and he’s said that this makes him feel she’s not a good person to give a promotion to because it involves wining and dining and " she doesn’t understand how professionals act"
I also know that many servers think women are generally worse tippers than men. Several years ago I made a vow to be a very good tipper (25%( or more when it’s low amount) of after tax bill). I have never regretted that.
So many thanks for all of this…I’m prepared for every paying scenario tonight!
Hey, corkage fees…so, we have a wine we’d like to bring with us tonight…just called and they said it was an $18 corkage fee (which is fine) but – naive question – but is that per bottle or just an $18 fee for having brought our own wines & that’s the total?
Typically corkage is per bottle; some places have a limit of 2 outside bottles. I have also been at places where they say per bottle but only charge once. It is customary to check the wine list to be sure the special bottle you are bringing is not something they sell.
^Call the restaurant back.
$18 corkage fee sounds pretty high. I mean, seriously. Though on some wines, you could be saving far more than that based on the markup. Hey, what if you bring one of those wines without a cork? 
$18 is not bad. I’ve seen as high as $30! Eeek.