So here’s the situation…dear friend having her 50th birthday on April Fool’s Day…a few weeks ago, I booked a table for 8 for tomorrow night…it’s an amazing place…but I’m trying to think through the check moment.
There have been times in my past when I’ve made the grand gesture & picked up the tab for the table but this place is just too pricey for such a move (even after a bottle of wine) so I’m trying to think through when the check arrives. Do I tell the waiter that I’ll pay for me & birthday friend & then everyone else takes their part of it? Or do we simply have one big check & divide it among the 7 of us (so, not the birthday person). Ideas?
When my longtime group of close friends do something like this, we would split it evenly among the 7 of us. We do this often so it’s a long established policy. If this is a first time thing for you and your group, you might want to discuss this with the non-birthday friends so that there is no awkwardness when the bill arrives.
I bet together regularly with a group of 8 and we always do separate checks. Do what you said, tell the waiter at the start it’s separate checks and you’ll pay for bday girl.
TODAY- I would tell the non-birthday people that the plan is to split the bill equally by 7 (birthday person free). Ask if they have an issue wit that. Send a friendly text (excluding birthday friend).
In my friend group, we would do separate checks and one picks up the birthday girl/boy. If others want to chip in for the birthday boy/girl, they give the money to the one picking up the tab. My friend group has drinkers and non-drinkers, big spenders and small spenders. Separate checks allows everyone to enjoy the fancy restaurant in the way they like–run up a $200 bill and get the fanciest thing on the menu or have something small and just enjoy the company.
We always split the check equally (minus b’day person.) We all just hand over our credit cards and tell waitperson to split it equally X ways.
Over the course of many such celebrations it usually evens out. I may have a glass of wine one time but not the next time, or a more expensive/less expensive entree.
I’m in this position somewhat often. One person receives the check and divides it by the # of people less the bday girl and then rather quietly tells each person what their portion is. People generally have cash and put in the appropriate amount. When it’s a smaller group, up to 4, we might all put in a credit card and the bill is divided equally (excluding birthday person). If this is new for you and/or this group, I would definitely text them today to give them a heads up and make sure everyone is okay with it.
Fortunately, this hasn’t been an issue in awhile but the harder part is when someone is more concerned about money and the restaurant is pricey and that person is careful to order something inexpensive, not drink alcohol, etc. so their portion should be less. Then, I guess, separate checks are needed but that’s hard on the waitstaff for a party of your size and, certainly, it wouldn’t be reasonable to ask the waiter to calculate each person’s bill + 1/7 of the birthday girl’s.
Alternatively, for those who have it, venmo is great. My friends, however, have been slow to get it. My kids and their friends all seem to have it.
I vote for separate checks. I used to just go along with the even split process. Then, this one time there was such an incredible HUGE disparity - the couple who had a salad and soup plus a soda - wound up paying for the people who had 3-4 drinks. Their salad cost them the same a full dinner. I was glad they brought this up to us, privately, a day later.
Since we had organized the get together we settled with them in a more fair manner.
Alcohol becomes the great un-equalizer. Someone who orders a couple of drinks should not expect the water/teetotaler to pick up the cost of alcohol. At least I’d ask for separate bar checks. Then the worst it inequality would be the difference between a salad and and the surf and turf.
Some restaurants will not split checks into more than 2 or 3. Call restaurant first. Check with your friends today and see if they would mind the 7 way split. If restaurant allows the (VERY) numerous splits, let the server know ahead of time. TIP,TIP AND TIP AGAIN if you request 7 separate checks.
We recently took a friend out for lunch for a birthday. We all agreed before that we would treat her. Our lunch group typically just splits the bill amongst us all…so,that is what we did…but not including her in the number.
You know…I don’t drink…so I often make up for that extra others sometimes have by getting an appetizer…or dessert.
Honestly, over time, those little coat differences all come out in the wash.
I went out with one group and at the end of the meal, they all had calculators out…to be frank…it was silly. There may have been a couple of dollars difference but it wasn’t worth a big to do.
You can ask for separate checks, but be aware that the restaurant might include the tip as it is larger group. Restaurants have great computer programs now where it is easy for them to separate each diner’s drinks, desserts, etc. Four of us ate at a restaurant a few weeks ago and the waiter even split the appetizer we shared, which I thought was above the call of duty.
I used to travel for business and I’m not a drinker. I usually just paid my ‘share’ and never questioned that extra $10 or so. Once a fellow diner did comment that I’d not shared in the numerous bottles of wine (I was pregnant but they didn’t know) so I thought that was nice, and I got a little bargain that night.