<p>Hello everyone, this has been on my mind for a while now so I wanted to know what your opinions on this are. Sorry for the length but please bear with me!</p>
<p>So I visited my friend at her college a couple of weeks ago, which is around 5 hours away by car. (We’re both in our first year). I was really excited since we’ve been always been very close friends and I really missed her, and we’d been planning this visit for a while.
But the thing is when I got there, after the first hour or so she pretty much ignored me to talk with her new friends and at night she sort of disappeared to go to some party in another residence without telling me where she was going. So I was pretty much stranded alone in her room and waited for her to come back so we could at least talk for a bit. I ended up waiting until around 3 a.m. when she came back very much wasted from wherever she had been and we didn’t even get to talk because she went to sleep right away. </p>
<p>Then the next morning, the day I was to leave, during breakfast it was like I didn’t even exist - she was just talking with her other friends about the last night’s party, the hot guys there etc, etc. When I was leaving and saying goodbye to her since we wouldn’t be seeing each other for a long time she barely even glanced at me before going back to chatting with them.</p>
<p>And now I feel so, so disappointed. I mean obviously I didn’t expect her to ditch everyone there just to hang out with me, but I still expected her to be more excited about me coming and at least put in some effort to make my day there fun - I mean she could always hang out with her college friends anytime she wanted but I was only there for one day after having driven 5 hours just to see her.</p>
<p>I guess it was a huge letdown because if it had been her visiting me at my college, I would’ve planned a whole itinerary for her so that she’d have fun and not feel excluded even though she wouldn’t know anyone ther except me.
And it seems so odd because just around a month ago in the summer, we were in tears while saying goodbye because we were going to be 5 hours away from each other. And now it’s like I was just an inconvenience to her while she just wanted to party and chill with her new friends.</p>
<p>What do you guys think about this? I guess this is kind of a typical behaviour in someone’s first year of college and they’re surrounded by new and more interesting people?? Has anyone else had experiences like this? Thanks to everyone for your replies in advance, I really need to hear what others think of this because I honestly don’t even know anymore.</p>
<p>Uh, screw that friend. I would not visit again. When you have guests they need to be your main focus. Just because it’s magical happy college land doesn’t throw that out the window. She could have seen her other friends if she wanted to-- if she brought you along and you were comfortable with it. You don’t treat guests like that, ever.</p>
<p>Your friend should have invited to the party. If it was inappropriate for you to go then she should have not gone or told you it was not a good weekend to visit.</p>
<p>My daughter has had girl/boy friends visit her, even while she was living in a sorority last year. Her guy friend (not boyfriend) was invited to every event. He loved it and they loved him. My daughter didn’t have that many visitors because of her schedule, but when she did she gave them her full attention. </p>
<p>Thank you all for your inputs, I really appreciate them!!</p>
<p>Well the visit was kind of a mutual idea, since we’d promised for a while that we’d visit each other in university as often as possible. </p>
<p>It’s just so strange because when we were discussing the plans over the phone or on Facebook she’d sound all excited and happy about it, and then I come over in person and she just acted like I was getting in her way…</p>
<p>But as much as I’m disappointed in her I don’t want to have to break off our friendship because of this one bad experience, since we’ve been extremely close since middle school and it’d be weird to stop being friends with her now if that makes any sense? :S</p>
<p>I’m hoping she acted like that because she’s in a completely new environment that she’s really enjoying, and hopefully she’ll turn back to her normal nice self again very soon.
Or maybe she thought I’d embarass her in front of her new friends or something so she didn’t want me around, I don’t even know.
Urghhhh friendship why must you be so confusing. </p>
<p>I am so sorry for your experience. I wish your friend would have treated you the way that my son treated me when I went to parent’s weekend. I was only there for one afternoon and the next day. He dropped everything and spent as much time with me as he could. He even had a few of his friends come over and play board games so we could get to know each other! They ended up asking me to come to dinner with them, but I thought that would be pushing it. I told my son he could go with them, but he opted to go out with me instead. He kept telling me that he could do college stuff anytime, but his mom was only there for one day, and he would make the most of it.</p>
<p>Is there a chance that your friend could come and visit you at your school? You could treat her the way she DIDN’T treat you, and show her how much fun it is to still be great friends. Or, if she can’t, or won’t, travel the 5 hours, could you arrange to meet somewhere for a weekend, or go get her and go someplace fun?</p>
<p>Maybe you could plan to spend some time together over Thanksgiving or Christmas?</p>
<p>I hope you manage to find a way to re-strengthen your bonds. Good friends are a treasure, and part of a great friendship is the ability to look past the parts you wish were different, and celebrate the things that make you such good friends.</p>
<p>If you want to give her another chance, I’d flat out tell her how you feel. Say you are really disappointed about how the visit went and offended that you drove out that far to see her and she just ignored you the whole time, and it hurt your feelings. See what she has to say. Maybe she just had a braindead weekend. I can’t IMAGINE being that braindead, but it’s up to you.</p>
<p>That’s the deal with high school. Some friends aren’t your ‘real’ friends - you know, the ones that stick. Your friend sounds a lot like one of my former friends, who pursue popularity and F the rest. Trust me on this (I mean it), if your friend doesn’t take true friendship seriously, as demonstrated in your OP, let her go. But if you feel like she just dropped the ball a little bit - you know being a freshmen unwinding in a college environment and all, you can try to reach out to her and show your sincerity. Except you might get hurt that way.</p>
<p>Your friend was rude and selfish. Give her plenty of time to grow up before you initiate anymore visits. I’m sorry she inflicted such hurt on you. I bet you can find much nicer, more considerate friends at your college.</p>
<p>i would have called her out on it the next morning and just broke things off from there. People change… You will meet new people at your school to replace her anyway. I say bring it up and if she acts immature about it, just let it be and move on to better things.</p>
<p>What are you all talking about ‘breaking things off.’ They’re friends. You don’t have to ‘break off’ a friendship, you can just stop talking/hanging out with the person. If she figures it out and apologizes then good for her, if not then oh well.</p>
<p>That is not the way a real friend would treat you. When my son was a freshman, he would visit friends, and they would visit him, and all the focus would be on the visiting friends. I can’t explain her behavior, especially considering how close you have been for so long. For that reason, I would be open to having a relationship with her, but I would not offer to visit her again. If she asks you to visit in the future, I would make up an excuse why you can’t go. Then see what happens when you are home during winter break. If she behaves the way she did before college, look for an opening to bring up what happened and how it made you feel. You should be able to learn a lot from her responses, and it will help you know if this relationship will go into your history book as a high school friend only. Good luck and I am sorry that she hurt you this way.</p>
<p>You should talk to her about it. Some people are just plain clueless, even when something should be obvious. She may genuinely not have realized how she treated you – or she may have ditched you on purpose. Either way, don’t make any decisions about your friendship before you speak with her and a) allow yourself to vent and b ) allow her to explain her actions. </p>
<p>However, be careful not to go in swinging and on the attack (as tempting as it may be); people don’t tend to respond well to that… Just let her know that you were hurt and ask why she behaved that way.</p>
<p>Thank you all so much for your advice! It’s really helped me think this situation through.
Grizzmom makes a very good point about how a part of being friends is being able to look past the parts you wish were different, and celebrate the things that make you such good friends. I tend to forget that sometimes.</p>
<p>Well what basically happened was, a bunch of her friends came to her room while we were there and after chatting for a while they all left. And I just assumed they went to chat with another friend somewhere else and she was going to come back soon, but turns out they all just went to the party and I got left behind in her room. And I didn’t really want to leave her room unlocked so I had to stay there for the whole night.</p>
<p>So reading your posts I guess this kind of behaviour isn’t that typical when someone comes over to visit you at college, huh? I’ve actually been considering talking to her about this.
But I think I should wait until I cool down a bit so that I can express to her how disappointed I was in her behaviour, but at the same time I won’t sound like I’m attacking her or trying to make her feel guilty about what happened since that would just make things worse.</p>
<p>We’ve been good friends for so long, so I really hope this all works out.
Thanks again for all your inputs!!</p>
<p>Tess- why didn’t you text her to come back to the room and get you? She sounds too selfish to care about hurting your feelings. I hate to tell you but her new friends probably thought you were lame(sorry) or they would have invited you along. So, the friendship has changed and either you forgive her or let it damage your longtime relationship. Be honest, you were more excited about the visit than she was, she probably knew you wouldn’t fit in with her new friends, but you insisted on coming anyway. Lecturing her on her boorish behavior will just anger her, she feels she did nothing wrong.</p>
<p>Hi guys! Well I would’ve texted or called her to come get me except she left behind her cell phone in her room (which was part of the reason I thought she was coming back soon). </p>
<p>Yep I’m guessing most likely her new friends thought I wasn’t that interesting so they didn’t want me around - but it still kind of sucks that my friend just left me there. </p>
<p>I don’t know about me being more excited about the visit - we were planning this for a while and she seemed really excited when we were discussing it. Maybe she actually didn’t want me to come but I just didn’t get the hint? :S That’s a rather discouraging thought considering we were so close before, but I guess people change and move on…</p>
<p>I guess all I can do for now is talk to her about it and find out what was up. Then we’ll see where it goes from there. Thanks so much for your help guys.</p>
My daughter didn’t have that many visitors because of her schedule, but when she did she gave them her full attention. </p>