What's the Problem Here?

College Life
1

Maybe you can pinpoint it because I can’t seem to.

I posted a thread a while back about having trouble with my social life in college and people saying that it would take some time to adjust. I have been at college almost a month and thought I was doing pretty well all this week until today.

All last week I had plans with people almost everyday and I still ate my meals alone in the cafe frequently, but I was okay with that because I was getting out and socializing with others that I had met. Even just yesterday I went over to dinner at someone’s house where I meet up with five or so other girls and we talked and played games until midnight.

This morning I went to church alone, but I talked to some friends while I was there. Then throughout the day I have only studied, but for dinner I found someone that I had met earlier during an overnight summer registration and I talked for a good thirty minutes with her and her suitemates.

But then I came back to my dorm thinking I would feel better that I had dome some socializing after not talking to anyone for the majority of the day, but I don’t feel refreshed at all.

I thought that I was having trouble because I wasn’t good at socializing and I am very shy, introverted, and even socially anxious. Upon reevaluating everything I think its that even though I have had conversations with probably fifty people, none of them have really became my friends. Its been a month and I still don’t have a “person” to go grab snacks at the store with or buy clothes with me and it just makes me miss my family more than I already did.

So, how should I go about making a more solid group of friends? Do you think the issue is that I really want better friends or that I just miss my family… Honestly I can’t seem to tell.

2

Well… First of all I would like to congratulate you on the progress that you seem to be making. It has only been a month and you seem to be gradually coming along- that’s wonderful! Remember that it takes time to make good friends. At this point in time my D was still miserable and not talking to anybody- thankfully she was a different person by mid October.

Making a more solid group of friends will gradually happen over time, as you get more and more involved. Have you thought about counseling?

3

There is no problem. You just need to give things time. It takes a while to build a group of solid friends. Longer than one month. Read this: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc.html#latest

4

On CC the advice is often to join 20 clubs and keep your dorm door open and study in public places like the library or lounge. Some people aren’t that social. In high school they didn’t go out every night, didn’t eat every meal with another person, liked having a little down time.

You are fine. If you see the same group at church next week, maybe you’ll sit with them, have coffee after. Maybe you’ll invite one of them to go shopping if that’s what you need/want to do. And then maybe the next week that person will ask you.

5

Friends are like love, when you least expect it will appear. I think in general you go very well, patience.

6

I agree with other posts. It sounds like you are doing very well. It will however take time to make friends (usually more than a month).