<p>Four years ago (almost to the day) I suddenly lost the job I loved because my employer closed up shop and laid everyone off (2000 people without jobs - almost instantly!) Luckily I did find another job that allowed me to stay in the area and allowed my D to finish HS with her friends. Unfortunately, that job has turned out to be a disaster - disfunctional workplace, horrible boss, you name it. I loathe every work day.</p>
<p>So about a year ago I decided to go back to school part-time to get my teaching certification. In another year (Lord, let me hang on that long!) I will be student teaching high school chemistry - and then I’ll be looking for a new job in a new field at age 52. Yikes!</p>
<p>It’s not as dramatic as starting a new business in South America (good for you, 2 college!) but it is a new start for me. Don’t tell me about the politics of education or the low pay or the horror stories about students/parents. I am REALLY looking forward to this!</p>
<p>How do you find new dreams? I feel like whatever dreams I once had have been gone forever. When someone asks me “what would you like to do?” I have no answer. I have done the same work for 32 years. This is a rut.</p>
<p>Nearly two years ago, my husband died (after a long illness) both our daughters moved/went away to college. A whole new start was thrust upon me. Initially I was aiming for survival, sheer function. But after a bit and the shock wore off I realized I needed to think about what my next steps were. I could just drift into my life, defining my future by chance and circumstance. OR I could determine what I wanted and work towards it deliberately. So with faith, and baby steps I’m working in that direction. Early retirement, new interests, etc. </p>
<p>I said all that to say just this… when new start is presented to you (or thrust upon you) it might behoove you to think about where you want to go and be deliberate in your efforts towards that vs drifting wherever…</p>
<p>Bugmom, you need one thing to get you out of that rut first of all. A hobby or interest - something you can enjoy outside of work. If you have that already, is there another area of interest to you? Think about what you might like to do if it didn’t involve pay. So often (and often so necessary) we only think about what job will pay the bills. It’s hard to get past that. </p>
<p>What were your dreams in the past - you said you had them. Maybe they are in some way still reachable!</p>
<p>Cool, poetgrl! Sounds like fun. H and I would like a tiny house on the West Coast of Ireland, at least part time. Probably won’t happen, but who knows? Maybe I’ll write a bestseller!</p>
<p>Scout59–Don’t listen to educational naysayers. H career shifted from medicine to HS bio teacher, and is fantastically happy with it, though he’s working almost as hard (except in the summers, of course! :)).</p>
<p>On CC we are all well versed in what an aspiring college student should look like on paper in order to be considered a high achiever. Not that there is one particular way to be, but we get the variety of descriptions that would, to us, seem impressive (or at least reasonable). I wonder what a middle-aged redo scenario could include in order to qualify as healthy and appropriate. Are there any “shoulds”, or only “coulds”? </p>
<p>I am aiming for good health first and foremost. I think this is a powerful way to turn a page. There are some dramatic changes to be made which could really impact the way that I feel and function every day. We all know what these things are, but few of us do all or most of them consistently. I believe that when we reach middle age, there are shocking differences between the way people live depending upon whether or not they get this one right. I see very few people who do, and they really stand out. </p>
<p>A hot yoga movement has hit my household, and the change in appearance and functioning (even skin tone) is dramatic. We have a few people doing it, and it is surprising how much of an impact one thing like this can make (on both mental and physical functioning). I think at this stage of the game, self-care has got to be a passion of some sort. It is literally an uphill battle if we look ahead to future decades. It makes all of the other hopes and dreams possible. Like good grades for an even somewhat competitive college hopeful, I would put health management as job one for middle aged restarters.</p>
<p>Poetgrl, gofer it! This morning DH and I were talking about the fact that rew are really able to make dramatic changes to achieve goals. If you are in the fortunate position to get up and go to Italy, kiss the ground and and book some tickets. Few look back and say I wish I never took that adventure.</p>
<p>Sistersunnie, good luck to you! As I read your post I thought of a good friend with a similar story who found a wonderful new life.</p>
<p>Totally agree with you. This is first on my list. Building that foundation of health is about the only thing that is going to enable us to continue to reach for our dreams or start a new chapter in life. </p>
<p>It seems like the health and mobility issues start to crop up in the late 40’s and accelerate by the time you are in your sixties. Even people who have worked to maintain their fitness level will begin to see changes in their health status, so throwing everything you can at it makes sense. I really like yoga (and stretching) because people tend to lose their flexibility and thus, have more mobility issues as they get older.</p>
<p>My question is: is it really possible to change your career in a totally different direction this late in the game, given that you are competing with younger people who have started their career in your ‘dream field’? For example, you are a CPA but have always wanted to be a HS football coach. Or you are a teacher but always wanted to work in the film industry. Or you always wanted to write but have never had anything published. I’m sure people do it but the question in my mind is it really possible to take it in totally different direction or do you need to stay within your field of experience? Just musing. I collect articles about people who make these types of dramatic changes in their lives. Very inspiring. I guess all it takes is the will and the willingness to start at the bottom and work hard.</p>
<p>I just went through a very long, sometimes ugly, divorce. Both DS have flown the coop and have no plans of ever returning home. Home for me really isn’t home anymore. We moved here 17 years ago and I have no family nearby. </p>
<p>I have many friends here though and I have a great job. There is safety and security here. I struggle if that is what i want to settle for. I have been doing things to enrich my life. Taking good care of myself, joining a gym, going out with friends, taking dance classes, developing new hobbies, doing things I want to do, traveling. </p>
<p>I feel it is time for me to fly the coop too and leave this place and find somewhere else to start anew. I am fortunate to be in a field that I can get a job easily no matter where I live. I have many friends tell me that this would be a mistake, that I should just stay here and enjoy what I have, that the grass isn’t always greener. I am not looking for greener grass though. I am just looking for different grass.</p>
<p>What I struggle with is wondering if I am making a change just for the sake of change or making a change because it will be good for me. Right now I am leaning towards making a big change because I feel it will be good for me, that it will enrich my life. I know it will be hard to start anew somewhere else where I know no one. I know it will take time to feel settled in, to make new friends, to feel it is home. It is scary to think about though.</p>
<p>^A lot of people who have gone through a divorce want to make that kind of change. I don’t think the grass is greener but something about a divorce just makes starting over seem very appealing. If you stay where you are, you always have those shared friends, reminders of your previous life. It’s scary but I don’t think you’re ever too old to move and start over. Just make sure you have a plan to get involved and meet people. It could be lonely at first and change is sometimes unsettling for a while but it will pass. Good luck.</p>
<p>spideygirl, I could have written those words myself. That’s why I took it on myself to change my habits, one at a time, and even started a thread on creating a new habit. I’ve begun with one small step, to exercise every single day. No other changes yet. But I can see that with each small step, another door opens. </p>
<p>Btw, I’ve heard from others that hot yoga can change your life. These were all 50+ people.</p>
<p>Whats wrong with making a change for the sake of change? If you want it, then you must be ready for it. There must be something spurring you on.</p>
<p>This has been on my mind as well (a vaguely familiar pit in my stomach usually accompanies it). I think it is the same feeling I had when I was a young adult, and didn’t fight harder to go to my dream college (a place my parents did not want me to attend). I felt it when I stayed way too long in a relationship that was wrong for me. Another instance was when at age 24 I fell in love with my husband, and blew off pursuing my dream career. We met just as I was embarking upon a decade of no free time at all. I rerouted in favor of a more husband- and family-friendly schedule. </p>
<p>That familiar ache is a physical manifestation of fear based on insecurity. The concern I have today about whether or not I can swing a whole new Part II, in a completely different career, also comes from a place of fear and insecurity (just like it did when I was in my twenties). My parents would have given in on the college issue and loved me anyway, I would have gotten over the break-up and enjoyed years more of dating time, and my husband would still have stayed with me even if I was busy 24/7 for our first decade together. It is also true that I can overcome whatever I need to today in order to “take it in a totally different direction”. </p>
<p>It is likely that our young adult competition just starting out in a dream field also battles the distracting noise of self-doubt. Sometimes I feel like life has changed me so dramatically that I bear little resemblance to who I was so many years ago. Some things, however, have not changed (fear). This go around, I want to do it differently. I want whatever I do next to be based completely on suitability and desire. I want to be Kathy Bates parking her car in *Fried Green Tomatoes<a href=““Face%20it%20Girls,%20I’m%20older%20and%20I%20have%20more%20insurance”%20–%20search%20“Towanda”%20on%20Youtube%20for%20the%20clip%20that%20goes%20with%20this%20post”>/i</a>.</p>
<p>Deep down we all know that while we have lost some advantages, we have gained many more of them. Yes, there is age discrimination. Yet way back then, weren’t people trying to step over us anyway in the career world as they tried to climb the ladder? If it isn’t age, it’s something else. We are a whole lot smarter than we were when just starting out, and deep down we really do know it. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. </p>
<p>Maybe I need to add meditation to the yoga. :)</p>
<p>Mousegray, that is how I started out as well. One day at a time, every day. Level one on the elliptical. After a few months, what a difference!</p>
<p>Mom2boys, I totally empathize with your desire for geographic novelty. I am a rolling stone as well. I find myself wondering, if not now, then when? I know I will get to a point when I can’t move just anywhere I want, and I feel inclined to do as much branching out and exploring as I can before then.</p>
<p>Spideygirl, I think your keen level of self awareness, insight and introspection means you can accomplish what you want to. Fear is a tough foe, but stare it down.</p>
<p>Spideygirl–a lot of what you wrote resonates with me. I too made a lot of big decisions based on what seemed best for people I love. This was made more necessary by the fact that my H and I became parents much younger than we planned on. Wouldn’t trade in those kids for anything, of course. But choices were made differently. Put my PHD at a great U on hold , and never got back to it. I’ve actually toyed with applying to do that now somewhere I could commute to, but I don’t think I’ve got that kind of energy anymore, nor would put up with the annoying parts of academia. </p>
<p>but your comment is actually helping me make the commitment I’m considering to quit full-time work for writing. I’ve made every decision in life in ways that helped others whom I love. If I don’t do this now, I may never get to. </p>
<p>One thing I’ve really learned as I get older is there is no guarantee of how much older you’ll get. We know that when we’re younger, but we don’t really. A few years ago, my SIL and close friend was killed at the age of 43 by a lethally careless driver. She lived a full life in every sense-- the funnest, wisest, lovingest, coolest, nicest person I’ll ever know. </p>
<p>So yeah, I share the fear based on insecurity, and I’m with you–if we don’t jump now, then when? </p>
<p>(I think I may look into yoga and meditation, too…)</p>
<p>Spideygirl - I completely understand where you are coming from. Change your words from career to new place to live and both of us would be posting the same thing. </p>
<p>I am a very different woman now in my 50’s than I was in my 20’s. Back then I did the same as you - played it more safe. And as garland said - if not now, then when??? 5 years from now I don’t want to be kicking myself for being too hesitant to make change. </p>
<p>I have been begun the process to make my move. I have been working with my financial adviser on how to make this financially feasible. I am fixing up the house and hope to have the house ready to put on the market later this year. I have had one and plan a second garage sale to get rid of excessive junk. I am revising my resume. Researching different areas to live and have planned a few trips to check out these areas. </p>
<p>Even I decide that I don’t want to relocate and decide to stay here, I know I want to downsize so some type of move is in my future. And I also know that at least I put the effort into researching a move and that in the end I will have made a very informed decision. If staying here ends up being best for me, I know that decision won’t be based on fear of change.</p>