<p>I know we have a great empty nest thread, but what about the the topic of having to start life almost completely over in middle age, for whatever reason? Divorce, death, relocation, a significant health event, a change of heart, etc…</p>
<p>As Forrest Gump said, “stuff” happens. How do we not only start anew, but instead come back in a noteworthy way?</p>
<p>What are good first steps to get beyond the catalyst, to begin the journey towards a whole new life?</p>
<p>How does a middle-aged person turn to a whole different page, and begin life again?</p>
<p>What ideas or strategies have worked for you to start and then live a dynamic life, take 2?</p>
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<p>Me…I just read a quote about iconic Jane Birkin, and how she approached her later years after a particularly exciting earlier life (my inspiration for starting this thread). “She has arranged much of her current life, she suggests, as a strategy against being by herself. Her personal organizer is the size of a phone book.”* </p>
<p>I do not want to spend my second half in any way other than being very vital and busy. On the other hand, I do not want to end up as a stereotype (doing the typical things older adults and retirees do when they want to be vital and busy). Young people should not be able to corner the market on uniqueness.</p>
<p>I still have one child younger and at home, but two in college. But family dynamics I feel are rapidly changing w/one to graduate from college this year and 2nd one starting college - so going down to one has made life more quiet.</p>
<p>My strategy? New traditions. For them, for us. I have a friend who CANNOT let go of the fact that “Christmas vacation may never be the same if the kids can’t be here for two or more weeks at a time” or “but we always had the week at the SAME resort at the SAME time of year”. I have told my kids that we will treasure whatever time they can give - 2 weeks, 2 days, 2 hours. In the meantime, life needs to go on for all of us. We encourage our kids to seek out new opportunities, why not us?</p>
<p>A lot has happened this year in my life to make me wonder the same thing you are Spideygirl. I was summarily kicked to the curb from a job in church ministry, at the same time that my husband’s self-employment took a real turn for the worse. </p>
<p>I don’t know the answer to your question , but I am working on it. For me, there has been lots of introspection, identifying what is most important in my life, and figuring out how to focus on what’s most important while still making a living. </p>
<p>I eagerly await others input about what they have done to make significant growth and change in their lives most meaningful.</p>
<p>I have had a few different phases of my life–new law grad with job at personal injury firm. Mom who mainly stayed home with the kids & heavily involved with school & PTA (until kids were in middle school). Part time Special Ed Hearing officer followed by part time judge and now have started a new non-profit to increase awareness and improve treatment for folks with lung disease. </p>
<p>I have enjoyed & brought new talents to each different phase. For each, I had to search to figure out what my passion was and how it fit what was available in the community. My current career, I had to create myself, starting the non-profit and getting it funded and publicized. I have carried over skills from one job to the next and enjoy the journey. It has been exciting learning all the new skills that each job required and getting to know the folks in my community in each of these different areas.</p>
<p>The thing that helped me most was networking–talking to other people about what I was interested in and asking what might be available. I also tried to build relationships in each of these careers and was willing to be a volunteer and attend many meetings to make contacts to get my funding and publicity.</p>
<p>this is an interesting topic I’ve been thinking about lately, actually. My youngest will be going to boarding school in the fall, and H and I were high school sweethearts. We had our kids young, and we have “achieved” a lot of what we originally set out to do. Both of us are thinking of getting a villa in Tuscany. LOL. I think we’ve seen too many movies.</p>
<p>Will be interested to hear what everyone has to say on the matter.</p>
<p>I’m a member of this club. My H and I are in the midst of moving to our vacation house on an island in the Pacific NW. It’s a traumatic change to me; H is happy and has wanted this move for several years. He grew up on a farm, and so loves the quiet and isolation on the island. I have always lived in the suburbs or in town, so it’s very different to me. There are only a few stores and restaurants here, no Starbucks, movie theater, bookstore. We were close to everything at home. </p>
<p>We only know a couple of neighbors here. We have been in our suburban house at home for 19 years. It’s a huge change for me. I have to start a new life here. I am focusing on “time to turn the page.”</p>
<p>It sound so trite but when I first married a Marine, someone gave me a magnet that said, “Bloom where you are planted.” Looking back with two decades worth of experience I can say that some places I bloomed so easily and others by sheer force of will. Another tidbit I picked up was that it probably won’t even start to feel like “home” for 3-6 months and I typically found that to be true. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>I’m struggling with the fact that PMKjr has started his new life at college at the same time that Mr PMK has retired from the Marine Corps, begun a new job and started his doctoral program. My big news as of late has been…blowing my back out and the tedious journey of physical recovery. It’s hard not to feel like they are moving forward and I am standing still, which can start to feel kind of lonely. </p>
<p>I appreciate what everyone has shared and look forward to reading more.</p>
<p>Spideygirl–fascinating topic. I posted my present possible turning point in it’s own thread, as I would like specific feedback and didn’t want to clog this one up. But basically, my turning point is trying to figure out a way to recreate the writing vocation that somehow got away from me, with kids and life and all. Last year, I applied to one MFA program, but wasn’t accepted (They’re harder to get into Ivies; many have lower acceptance rates than Harvard Law. My very good GRE’s and GPA meant nothing, sigh.) but I’ve had a little publishing success since then and am now trying to figure out how to make time in my life to work on this more regularly. That’s my challenge right now.</p>
<p>Great thread. Am anxiously waiting to hear others’ responses.</p>
<p>My only child has now completed his first semester at college and my husband is getting ready to start tax season, which means for the next 4 months, he will work 14 hours a day, sometimes 7 days a week. Most of my life the last 20 years has revolved around my family.</p>
<p>So, I been contemplating this topic a lot recently because I see it as my last chance to create a life that I want vs. falling into the life that I happened upon. Though I wouldn’t change a moment of my life raising my son and creating a home for him and my husband, I’m ready to pursue my long-discarded dreams (while not excluding my family).</p>
<p>So, how to do that at middle-age without leaving behind your current life? And are those dreams even valid anymore? </p>
<p>I don’t have the answer but I am starting with a list of things I want to accomplish for me this year with the corresponding ‘to-do’ steps to get there.</p>
<p>I do know this:Change doesn’t always happen overnight (and if it does, it can be quite jarring). Taking baby-steps is always a good way to begin. Otherwise, it can feel overwhelming. </p>
<p>Has anyone ever read “Zen and the Art of Making a Living”? One of the best workbooks I’ve ever read about making choices.</p>
<p>I’ve reinvented myself a couple of times. The single best advice I have is to become a joiner. Interested in writing? Find a writers group. Interested in painting? Take an art class or join your local art association. Want to do good in the world? Find out what your options are in your town? Get involved in politics, or the local women’s club, or whatever. The possiblities for meeting new people and getting involved in new activities are endless.</p>
<p>I love this thread, and will enjoy the usual great CC’er insight. One thing that made a difference in my thinking on this was to look at people whose lives you are jealous of, not necessarily people whose lives you admire.</p>
<p>Yesterday my husband asked if I was concerned about him going to a wedding where he would see old sweethearts. I said THEY were not the competition; my OLD self was. Not sure how that is related, except to say, who I am now is an evolution of who I was. There are things I wish hadn’t changed ( like my waistline!), but I don’t want to go back OR be totally different.</p>
<p>I DID start/add a new job six months ago, doing something I thought I would hate, but it’s become sort of a new facet of my life.</p>
<p>During the recession before the recession before the current recession I found myself out of work with a very nice settlement and nothing much keeping me where I was. I decided Seattle was next on my list of places to try and was able to find a job rather quickly. 20 years later I am looking forward to the next chapter of not working full-time and moving to the southeast. Rain and COL got the best of me.</p>
<p>DH and I have worked very hard over the years at jobs with lots of travel and it became one big slog. I quit about a year ago and have spent much of the time considering the next chapter.</p>
<p>Meanwhile DH found himself in a new company that wasn’t at all what he thought he was joining. He began considering his next move.</p>
<p>When youngest was accepted ED, this chapter was truly over.</p>
<p>Long story short, we hit upon an idea while talking to friends and business associates. A business that would be a natural for both of our skills. As we researched it we became giddy with excitement, the opportunity is great and involves the big adventure we feel ready and anxious for</p>
<p>So this spring we move to South America to start a company.</p>
<p>When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be the art teacher (mostly because I thought she owned all those fun art supplies.) </p>
<p>So lately I’ve been doing some arts and crafts again. There is so much inspiration all around me, and I’ve been really having fun. Who knows where it will lead, but for now I feel like a grown-up kid!</p>
<p>Momlive: “I have been contemplating this topic a lot recently because I see it as my last chance to create a life that I want vs. falling into the life that I happened upon.”</p>
<p>Sometimes I get anxious that it’s too late (but of course I know it is never too late). Age certainly does strange things to a person, other than imposing the obvious effects of gravity. Discrimination hurts, for example. I never imagined, when I was in my prime, that I would have to come up with a whole new dog and pony show in order to bedazzle the world (ok, maybe not bedazzle the world, but perhaps just get a few fresh hits of self-actualization). I am a little daunted by the challenge, yet excited by it at the same time.</p>
<p>“Are those dreams valid anymore?”
What a great point. When we get to this stage, we do often tend to look back on unfinished business. The thing is, sometimes the desire for those old dreams has faded. Interesting to brainstorm entirely new ones after being compartmentalized for so long (staring at a blank sheet of paper with eyes that now have some wrinkles around them).</p>
<p>I firmly believe that it is never too late to start a new career. I changed careers in my late 30’s and found that it really rejuvenated me. I felt younger at 40 because of the fresh start than I had at 30, being at home with toddlers (they really age you). I love what I do but I wish I made more money.</p>
<p>I too love what I do (working in the non-profit I created in 2007 at 40something), but more money would be nice. Am glad that we can live comfortably anyway. ;)</p>
Am glad that we can live comfortably anyway. ;)</p>