Oh, wow. That’s the unfiltered truth when the kids have reactions like that. It is hard to know when to cut bait and stop fishing. I think it boils down to are you better together or separately? That may sound simple but it can be really hard to know it especially if one side is hanging on for some reason, usually an irrational reason.
On the subject of fighting, it helps to do some amateur psychology, if you can. My wife and I haven’t had many fights in as long as I can remember but quite a few years ago we were in a rough patch and it wasn’t getting better it was getting worse and it was happening in front of the kids. My wife is hard to argue with because she shuts down instead of communicating. It would take me HOURS to get to the root problem and only then could I begin to fix and/or address it in a logical way. The classic example of using psychology to find the root problem, for us, was that she really missed her family who had moved to LA after we moved to Texas (we met in Miami). So, somehow, in her head, I became the root of all evil from El Nino to the bad economy to not doing this or that including but not limited to hating Santa Claus and a few other things most of which had nothing to do with me.
After you cut away all the clutter she was unhappy because she missed her family and in her own convoluted way she thought if she broke up with me that was the best way to get back to them. Once I figured it out I would address that problem directly. It ended the fights instantly. She didn’t even realize what was bothering her. I became the villain because I was, in her mind, the reason she wasn’t with her family.
We really don’t fight much anymore. She takes more vacations than she used to. She still misses her family but she doesn’t displace her feelings onto me anymore. I don’t have any sort of psych degree but I was adopted and I did grow up in a dysfunctional household and that was all the education I needed on that topic.