When you were dating, at what point did you know your partner is THE ONE who you were going (or willing) to marry? How long had you been dating before you were pretty sure of this? Did you know about it because of a particular event (e.g., when he proposed?)
For us, it was about a year after we had started dating (we were pretty young at that time, in the middle of college years. It seems to me the couple in the current young generation may commit to each other later at an older age and may have been dating for a longer time before they get to this point.)
Whether you have the means to get married is a different question. For example, we got married several years after college (and after we had means to support the marriage life), even though we knew we were going to be together much earlier than that.
I though DH was very cute the first time I laid eyes on him, but I didn’t have any kind of epiphany that he was the one. We didn’t start dating until 6 months after we met, and it was probably at least a year later that I could see myself marrying him. We had dated almost four years by the time we got married.
With my ex it just grew out of being in the same group of friends and getting to know each other. For my current H it WAS actually a moment in time when I knew that I wanted things to work out between us. We’d seen each other a few times and talked endlessly on the phone, but I was divorced with two kids and things were contentious with my ex. The person I’d most recently dated, who had been a key factor in my truly embracing my independence, had literally left town without telling me. I wasn’t feeling like a relationship was in the cards. But we met at one of Seattle’s famous and beautiful parks one day, and spend it walking around and talking. At one point, I sat him down and laid out all of my challenges and baggage and what makes me tick. And he smiled. He said I was exactly the kind of person he’d been looking for. We’ve been married 16 years now. The wedding was almost a year after we’d met on a “just friends” website.
I have or am related to nearly a dozen young adults and only one is married with a child. The rest are either single or happy in long-term relationships that do not include marriage, or even kids. Some of them have married friends, but those seem to be in the minority. All of them were over 21 before getting deeply involved with anyone.
DrGoogle, Not so fast…I have never sent her flowers. (Neither has she.) LOL.
DS said we are very “practical” persons. I think he would not think we are romantic, but he likely has the confidence that we will not do the “divorce thing” to him, like the parents of his college suitemate did in his senior year in college. (His 50+ yo father has a new GF. DS said his suitemate still felt “hurt” even though he was already quite grown up when this happened - It was in the last year in college. The commencement event was very awkward for his family - the new GF/wife did not show up and the ex-husband/ex-wife did not talk to each other. But the son occasionally had to have a meal with the new “step-mother” and the father.)
I remember that when I broke up with another guy I was dating and was skirting around about breaking up with H and he seemed so sad and I really didn’t want him to be sad and realized I’d be much less happy without him in my life, so we decided to stick together instead of breaking up. He also stuck by me when I had to discipline a relative who had misbehaved while parents were thousands of miles away on a trip. I decided he was the keeper.
mcat-I saw something the other day that read, “I wish I’d met you sooner so that I could love you longer.” That describes my feelings about H. We met when I was nearly 40. I hope we make it to 36 as we were already not young when we met. I do remember exactly what he said to me when I finished my long history. on that bench in the park.
Looking back, since we’ve been married for 33 years, I guess she is.
I mean that like this:
As a rational person, I always question my beliefs about myself, about what I’m doing, about others, etc. and that includes questioning whether this is the right marriage, the right path, the right girl. It means that each day I’ve chosen to be married to this person. (That should sound a lot like “Born Again” thinking.) A lifetime of that choice means that was the one.
Was she the only one? I never met anyone better for me, for my family, for my path in life, etc. Doesn’t mean that out of the billions on earth she was the absolute best choice for me and I for her but this is what I chose and choose each day out of all the choices available to me each day and over time.
My mother knew I had met the right guy before I had figured it out for myself. I argued and then realized an hour later, she was right! -which I hated at the time!
My dad was the one who first told me that Mr. B was the right one for me after Mr. impressively fixed my little sister’s cassette player which she dropped out of the second story window. It was not a trivial fix, actually, and dad was super impressed. Dad said that the guy who treated me like a queen, could fish, and knew how to bring broken electronics back to life was a keeper. There was one little “flaw”: Mr. did not own a motorcycle. I’m so glad he never even thought about getting one!!
I don’t believe in the one. I’m not sure there was a single lightbulb moment but I knew after I sat him down after our first date and explained exactly what I wanted out of life, what role he could play in that, grilled him about things I considered deal breakers, and he didn’t run away thinking I was crazy that we at least had a good shot.
I don’t remember when we started talking about marriage or any of that.
I had just broken up with a boyfriend of almost a year, and was feeling anything but attractive . I had taken a trip with a friend of mine to Charleston, and we went to the base to pick up a key to apartment where my friend would be staying. My DH answered the door and gave my friend the key. I can remember thinking" He seems like a nice guy" The next day we went to the beach , and I began to get a little sunburned . DH took off his t shirt and gave it to me. I can remember thinking" He’s very considerate " We hung out with friends the rest of the week
, and ended up going out the night before I was scheduled to return home. I went back to my friend’s apartment and said"
He’s going to make someone and excellent husband, too bad he’s not the least bit interested in me" We talked almost daily for 4 months with 2 trips in that time and became engaged after dating long distance for 4 months. We married 10 months later and have been married for almost 24 years. My family and friends thought I was crazy to marry someone after knowing him for such a short time. I say I would’ve been crazy not to. I’m a firm believer that when you know, you know .
My current wife and I had been going out for a few weeks but I was still on and off with another woman, whom I had met first. So we were not exclusive or official or anything but I liked her a lot and was getting to know her little by little. Looking back on it, it should have been obvious to me but it wasn’t. First of all, I was happy being single and I really liked the other woman and she liked me. But she also liked every other guy who asked her out and she couldn’t seem to settle on anything. Drama. So much drama.
Then the Christmas party came along. My office Christmas party. I had to make a decision. I was being peppered with questions about who I was going to take. The pressure was on. I asked other people too, who they were going to take, so I don’t want to make it sound like people were overly concerned with what I was going to do, they weren’t, but it was a fun conversation and I was one of the few single people in the office and there was that impossibly cute girl in the other office we worked closely with who people thought I should ask out. So, I asked my current wife and then on and off friend if she’d go to the Christmas party with me.
At some point, during that night, I knew she was the one for me. She dressed to the max, charmed the hell out of everyone, erased in my mind the thought of any other person for me. She hit a home run. She was relaxed, fun, confident, beautiful, not even remotely desperate, it just all worked. Then, the next week at work, about a million people asked me who she was and how I met her and all that and that just sealed the deal since I am so shallow.
It’s been almost 21 years now.
We’ve made it work.
We have two kids together and once that happens, unless things I really bad, I think you pretty much have to stick it out. @ 15, it will happen when you least expect it. So expect it when you don’t expect it. Of course, that makes perfect sense :-).
This reminds me that at one time, I took my current wife (then gf) to a party for students at my college (organized by and for the students in my department mostly – but the girls were from other department and/or school because we had a grand total of 2 female students.) The next day, many of my classmates asked the same questions.
It seems two posters said their parents noticed the partner was a keeper. This would never happen in our case. Firstly, we would not let our folks know much about our relationship until the very late stage (compared to the young couple today.) Secondly, their opinions (about who is a keeper) were very different from our opinions.
Wonder whether the young generation will feel the same way (about who is a keeper) like when we were their age (i.e., parents do not know what they want.)
DH knew in two days. Took me several months. I had dated someone else for almost three years (and was best buds with that person for over four years before that) and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t rebounding.
It was not a trivial fix, actually, and dad was super impressed. Dad said that the guy who treated me like a queen, could fish, and knew how to bring broken electronics back to life was a keeper. There was one little “flaw”: Mr. did not own a motorcycle. I’m so glad he never even thought about getting one!! 