When the professor yelled across a field…" Here come the “*Hubbies”! And that was before hubbie ever proposed. I think we had “the look”.
And we both knew it was right and felt so good. We hadn’t known each other but a few short weeks at that time. He proposed soon after.
Took a few more years to actually tie the knot but it ALWAYS felt like the right decision.
That was 40 years ago.
Before you thought he (or she) was a keeper, did you ever consult with some of your friends (especially of the same gender of yours) whether they think he (or she) might be a good “fit” for you?
In our case, I believe my then-GF (now wife) asked one of her female friends whether she thought I was “good”. My wife told me later that that particular friend did not think highly of me. Reason? The way I dressed was not a good boy would do (I liked to wear tight jean - it was a “fashion” for youngmen/women back then.) Also, my hair was “too long”. This was before the age of Facebook, so they could tell by seeing the actual person.
Luckily, she did not take her opinion seriously.
I frequently waited outside of her classroom till her class was over (so her friends/classmates) and we took the public transportation to her home together and then I went home by myself. Somehow, in our generation, she did not introduce her friends to me and I did not introduce my friends to her. (I know it was strange but this was not uncommon when we were in the dating age. When two people were dating, both of them “disappeared” from their original circle of friends temporarily, until when their relationship was secure. It was a very strange phenomenon.)
This did not happen to me. But for DS, I heard from him that one of his professors was asking whether he and his current GF were a couple BEFORE they dated with each other. It is strange that the professor asked him this question. (the professor asked this question in absence of her, during a Thanksgiving dinner the professor kindly invited some of his students still on campus to his home. The “not-yet” GF had gone home and was not there.)
When DS actually started to pursue his current GF, I heard she might have a concern that it could be due to a “rebound”, (DS had just ended a short-term relationship shortly before that.) I think it likely took several months before she was finally convinced he is serious. (And I guess she likely felt somewhat hurt when DS was with the other girl first, albeit that relationship lasted a short time only.)
He was a friend who I would have never considered dating. Not my personality, liked different things.
He came over to drop something off and asked for water. I told him we had refrigerated water and told him to help himself.
My roommate and I were college poor grad students. We had a bar of cheddar cheese, some butter and tortillas in the fridge. He left abruptly. I didn’t know what to think.
In less than an hour, he had returned with a basket of fresh fruit from his parents fruit trees: oranges, lemons, plums and berries.
I thought it was so kind. I melted.
He thought we were starving.
Later my roommate told me that he had spoken to her about being in love with me for several years. I was shocked! No idea. It took me a while to start dating him but we eventually did. Been married for almost 30 years. He’s still so kind and sweet.
I knew the first time we met. We didn’t have a first date until a few months later. Never asked anyone if he was the right prospect. I just knew. Fated? I thought it was a lucky coincidence we chose the same grad school and were in the same dorm. He said fate would have put us together even if in another place.
“A good fit”…
Actually I think we were a “given”. Nobody doubted us except my parents who got over it --they wanted to make sure I finished college first. Then they were fine.
BUT–we had friends in our circle who made an unwise choice in mates that were predicted very early. And we were right. We (the friends) cringed inwardly for train wrecks coming down the line. Just no way to stop it.
Our fears for relationships had nothing to do with fashion or hair for sure. It was only about totally polar opposite personalities. Oil and water don’t mix.
This must be the gift basket that he has ever given out and got “rewarded” the most in his whole life. LOL.
I do not know what DS has done for his current-GF in order to win her heart. (I only know he may go over to her place and cook once in a while just because he has a car and it is easier for him to go to the grocery store to buy and deliver the produces.) I think she is likely good to him and he is also likely good to her. I have never heard they had a fight in the past year or so, very unlike his previous short relationship. But it could be the case that they just do not want to tell us even if they have a fight. (Do parents usually know when their loved one has a rocky relationship during the dating period? Or, are they usually kept in the dark?)
Fell in love w/ DH when I was a h.s. freshman. He was a senior. We lived in a very small town. We broke up when he went off to college.
I dated another guy fr. our town for a couple of years. He broke up with me at the end of my first semester of college.
I ran into DH at our church’s Xmas Eve program. Feeling pretty down.
We talked on the church steps. The old feelings all came rushing back. We got together several times over Xmas break. When we went back to our universities, the bond grew stronger. Our uni’s were 75 miles apart. We saw each other as often as possible. My Mom was going crazy!
DH graduated that spring and got a job 5 hours away from my uni. . We were miserable. Big phone bills!
After my soph. yr., we got married. I turned 20 on our honeymoon! DH was 23. I transferred to the uni. in our new city and finished my nursing degree there. Mom never said it but I’m sure she thought we were making a huge mistake and we’d never make it.
33 years and 2 kids later we’re still going strong!
I did talk to a friend about H when we were first going out. I had met him through a “friends only” site so the original plan did not involve dating. Once it became clear that we WERE going to go in that direction, it seemed that he was just a little TOO careful ,TOO polite, too…reserved. My ex was extremely reserved and it caused a lot of problems. My friend suggested I give it one more try, and that’s when H and I had our little talk. You know the rest. It never had anything to do with looks or clothes.
Yeah, if I’d grown up in Michigan, I would probably have never met my DH. I would have met a different “one.” Ditto if I had been raised in France or Hawaii.
French people don’t believe in THE ONE either, their culture believes in THE MANY.
Ha…A colleague of mine was talking about the culture in the circle of the moneyed executives in the Silicon Valley as such that they may change their partners as often as they change the models of their smartphone. Not only MANY, but also FREQUENTLY.
Maybe a high profile executive who could be loyal to his significant other is the CEO of Apple. LOL. (in case some of you do not know it: He is a gay who came out not a long time ago. Someone seems to tell me that his SO is an Asian but I am not sure of it. I thought Asian males tend to suffer in the dating market in our society here and only the Asian females have some perceived “advantage” – totally not PC here.)
And one was dead in a boat with a prostitute. But if the partners are wife, they probably think twice about it. Financial consideration is the reason, not love I’m sure.
Who was dead on a boat with a prostitute? Did you refer to one of the partners of Apple’s CEO here?
It seems that there was a gay who is an Asian was killed by some murderer (happened in Canada) a couple of years ago.
I don’t think there is just “one”, but I do believe there is “one” at the right time and the search is over. My H knew I was the one before I knew he was the “one” but it’s withstood the test of time going on in year 28. For me it wasn’t some gigantic, romantic denouement but more of a realization that we both were ready to build something new and together.
Google executive.
I’d venture to say that 95% of the females on this site, and more broadly threw out the world, think there is “the one” for them and they were open to that and looking for that and waiting for that and believed in it. And, little by little, as men (or women) came into their lives they matched up what they wanted and expected out of a mate and the “winner” was the guy (or gal) who successfully got check marks in all or most of the important categories.
On the other hand, I’d say a good percentage of men, a lot more than some here would care to admit, don’t really believe in there being one and only one good mate for them. Sorry. I am pretty sure, had a I lived in a different city, I’d have ended up with someone else and would have considered her the one and all that jazz. What’s cool is that women can get men to believe in the one and all that just by being so patient and loving. I know I am a better person having stuck it out with the same person for as long as we have been together. I can see now how much better it is. Running around isn’t all that great for most people. Being single might look like fun in movies but isn’t all that great in real life.
I think my current wife knew before I did. I think she knew that date to my Christmas party would go well and open my eyes and it did. We just clicked. Then, over the next few days, I realized there wasn’t anything else to look for. Whatever it was I wanted was right there next to me. I didn’t even realize it at first. As I think back to that night, one thing I remember is how confident she was. She spent most of the night laughing, joking with people, she is shy, but she is fun to be around at a party. She wasn’t trying to impress me, I don’t know how to express this thought, she already knew she was just waiting for me to figure it out.
I knew dh was “the one” within an hour after meeting him on a rather unusual cruise to the Bahamas, it took him a few hours longer to figure it out. We were unofficially married by a group of crazy Patriot Heads that had just joined the Conch Republic Militia, Parrot Head Division, the night after we met. The ceremony included people in coconut bras, grass skirts and blowing conch shell horns and swearing wedding vows over an Orson Scott Card book. My mother and sister where there and we thought it was good enough but by the end of the cruise we realized that it wasn’t really legal and we’d like to have more family in friends included so we planned a second wedding a year to the day after the first one on the same cruise line. We wanted to get married at the same point (about half way between Nassau and Miami) but found out that we would need a international marriage license that would be a pain. To avoid this we decided to get legally married at the Justice of the Peace the morning of the second cruise wedding. DH’s parents wanted to go the JP to make sure we ''really got married" my family recognized the first wedding as ‘real’ albeit not legal. 20+ years and three kids later the in-laws are still waiting for the divorce they feel is inevitable…
PM me if you want to see more details and a very very old web page (we thought it was cutting edge at the time, I can’t believe how kludgy it looks today!)
I feel the same way about “the one” as I do about “soulmates”. They don’t exist. But at certain times and certain places, there is the “right one for where you are in life”, and that is how I feel about H. Had I stayed in my home state, I would have met a different “one” or no one at all.