When do they stop needing mom?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>My son is in medical school living in his own home. This weekend for the first time since classes started, he and a few buddies were able to get away for the weekend. The boys are at one of the family’s lake house and the weather just turned colder this weekend.</p>

<p>I get a text from son telling me he needs his fleece pants and jackets as well as his hoodies. Seems when he packed in July, he didn’t take his warmer clothes. In his defense, I think he thought he would have come home by now; school is only 2 1/2 hours away. Due to the amount of studying he has had, he has not been able to spend the time to come home. </p>

<p>We text or talk to both the kids often, so this was not an unusual text. He was just letting me know that he was without warm clothes and was a bit cold on the boat!! I joked with him and said if he had told me he was leaving for the lake, I could have told him he would need warmer clothing; he then would not have listened to me anyway!! My husband and I might be heading his way next weekend, so he wanted to know if I could get him a new hoodie as he felt his local state U hoodie might not be the best to own since he didn’t attend school there.</p>

<p>I have to say, I love when my kids still need me; I know my mother is thrilled when I ask her to help me with something. Since I am the internet search expert for the family, my son wanted me to find a particular design on a hoodie, and I am happy to help. No, he didn’t NEED me to do this for him, but he WANTED mom’s help. I will take all I can get, even when they have kids on their own!</p>

2

<p>“Hopefully, never” was going to be my response (poor grammar and all). And I see we are in agreement, snowball. :)</p>

3

<p>I’m 46, and still ask Mom for advice.</p>

4

<p>To me the definition of mom = the one person you can say absolutely anything to and she still loves you anyway. One way or another I still need my mom.</p>

5

<p>Second child just called to have me check her email; seems she didn’t print her Amtrak confirmation or take her confirmation number so could not get her ticket at the kiosk! In her defense, she has a PDA, but for some reason her confirmation number would not show up in her email.</p>

<p>I am sure she will now change her password, but I found it funny that she thought it was easier to call me than to stand in line at the ticket counter!</p>

<p>A mother’s job is never done :-)</p>

6

<p>Never, snowball. :)</p>

<p>My parents regularly talk to, advise, and help out my oldest siblings, who are 39 and 36 years old.</p>

7

<p>Funny, even if your mom was never there for you, you never seem to stop needing her. I can only imagine how wonderful it would be to have a mom to whom you can turn for advice and comfort. I am trying to be the mom I never had, and I hope I am always needed for at least a hug!</p>

8

<p>Your kids will stop needing mom when the tables turn and you start needing them. I’ve seen it start happening with my own parents.</p>

9

<p>I’m 55, and still need my mother. When she’s not available I have several local surrogates. :)</p>

10

<p>Not matter how old the the kids are, a mother always cherishes every signal of her child’s dependence. While at the same time a father always cherishes every signal of his child’s independence. And that’s why it’s best to have both.</p>

11

<p>I don’t know about that; my husband likes the kids to want him, maybe more than me!</p>

12

<p>They seem to need mom until they have a spouse or sig other they can turn to in a pinch.</p>

<p>My friend’s son called her from MEXICO to ask her to send money. His wallet had been stolen. I presume if he were married he would have called his wife.</p>

<p>And she would have said “I told you not to put your wallet in your back pocket,” instead of his mother. :D</p>

13

<p>"Not matter how old the the kids are, a mother always cherishes every signal of her child’s dependence. "</p>

<p>I really am happy – very happy – to experience my kids’ growing independence. That’s what makes me feel like I’ve been an effective mom.</p>

14

<p>They say/think they don’t need mom years before we let them out of our sight… but they do so knowing we’ll always be there, just in case, even when proving their newfound adult independence…</p>

15

<p>Never. </p>

<p>They just need us less in a day to day aspect.</p>

16

<p>Since no mom will live forever, we had better raise our kids so that they’ll stop needing us. Since none of us knows when we’ll die, the sooner we help our offspring be able to make good decisions and live a good life without having to turn to us for help, the better. </p>

<p>Enjoying one’s mom isn’t the same as needing a mom. One can enjoy and love one’s mom without needing her.</p>

17

<p>My daughter is a senior in high school and it absolutely kills me when she thinks that she doesn’t need me. I dread the day that she breaks off for good.</p>

18

<p>Having lost my mom when I was 9, I have gone through milestones in my life wondering what she would have done at different points in her life. How did she raise her kids, what would she have done in a similar situation. </p>

<p>I think losing her made me much more of a hands on mom, but also one that made me help them become more independent, faster. I wanted them to understand how to do the basic, everyday things in life from a much earlier age. </p>

<p>I treasure every moment, but realize that I won’t be here forever. I want my kids to understand who I am. I want them not to say later on “How come she didn’t tell me about that?!” I try to share the wisdom I have with them, and acknowledge when I have no idea!</p>