My Boston kid used an app (I think Splitwise) for dividing rent bills with roommates. I think it factored in various differences in bedroom sizes etc to come up with fair splits.
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My niece has an app that divvies up the bill based on what folks order. My brother, counsel for the bank, can do that as well. My nephew who used to work for a bank could tally all kinds of things in his head—I’m sure he could do it as he immediately knows everyone’s score when they played board games (rarely needed paper).
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I was out yesterday for brunch with my DIL, her GF, and GF’s mom. The girls gave us back our cards, saying we had traveled to visit them, so there great. Sweet
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From the “what not to do” files… My entire family went to visit my sister in FL for a family reunion. My sister and her husband hosted, and a couple meals were at her house, but we went out to the host’s country club for dinner, with the expectation that the visiters would pay. Since it was a private club my brother-in-law had to sign for dinner, but immediately after we exited the club’s front door - we had not even descended the steps to the parking lot - he broke out the bill and asked us to reimburse him right there and then. He could not even wait the five minutes until we had returned to his house. My wife was horrified, and she recounts the scene 20 years later.
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lol, helping your bil pay his minimum
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Somehow I didn’t get in on this thread yet.
Boy I’m glad we don’t go out to eat or host or be hosted very often!
Brother and his family come to visit for about a week each Christmas but do not stay with us they rent an AIRBNB nearby. They travel NYC to Ohio. I’m so thrilled they make the trip (it would never happen the other way) that I am happy to feed them multiple times via my groceries, take out and/or maybe one meal out. I even make a big basket of goodies for them to have at the AIRBNB so they have snacks and stuff for a first breakfast. They bring us goodies from NYC and we have one get together where it’s potluck style so they bring food for that.
I have been to NYC myself a couple times and they have treated me well as well.
With our kids we often pay. On our family vacation we go out a few times nothing too fancy. We pay for everyone one night and usually the kids pick up a meal or the tap for ice cream or the cocktails/drinks. So everyone chipping in.
Overall we don’t host a ton or be hosted much and honestly anymore we rarely go out to eat. We are more likely to prepare food at home or ordering in. Often too hard to chit chat at a restaurant anyway!
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When I travel with my mom to visit my sister in NC, she would always pay for meals, groceries, and lots of wine because she said it was easier on her and I had to do the work of bringing my mom. I would try to pay for some and send her flowers or wines later.
Whereas my brother in CA would expect me to pay for meals because we were staying at their place (free room). I do not visit them after an incident, so my mom can’t visit him now.
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Noise in restaurants can be an issue with our beer buddies (my husband arranges Friday outings). Since most of us are retired, we’ve shifted to meeting at 4pm. We either stay at same place for an early dinner (if food served) or shift elsewhere to someplace we know is not too loud.
What we all agree on is that we need to be OUT of a place before any Friday evening music starts. No conversation possible with a band playing (unless it is just a solo guitarist far from the table)/
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Example 1: We often go see dh’s much older brother, who at this point is the patriarch of the family. He and his wife often put us up in one of their hotels. We arrive with something in hand – special delicacy they can’t get in their town, for instance. Or we’ll make a grocery run and pay. If we go out to dinner, who would you expect to pay?
100 PERCENT WE WOULD PAY ANYTIME WE WENT OUT FOR DINNER IF SOMEONE WAS PUTTING US UP AT A HOTEL.
Example 2: We host a couple, related by marriage, who have never been to our home/hometown, for a week. We considered their visit our staycation and planned accordingly, both in terms of fun activities and picking up the bill for most everything, even if they insisted. We appreciated that they traveled so far to see us and were happy to spend so much time with them. Of course, just like us in the previous example, they found ways to chip in.
WE WOULD PROBABLY OFFER TO PAY BUT NOT REJECT THEIR OFFER TO PAY FOR ONE MEAL.
Example 3: We recently visited ds2 while he was working out of state. We stayed with him at his hotel for free. We intended to pay for all groceries and meals, but he wouldn’t hear of it. We Venmo’d him money when we got home anyway! We celebrated our anniversary while we were there, so that’s why he wanted to pick up the fancy dinner, but it was our anniversary and fully expected to pay, which is why we agreed to the fancy dinner in the first place.
WHEN DH AND I FIRST MARRIED, DH OFFERED TO PAY WHEN HIS PARENTS TOOK US OUT. HIS DAD SAID ‘MONEY IS SUPPOSED TO FLOW ONE WAY IN A FAMILY UNLESS SOMETHING BAD HAS HAPPENED: IT IS SUPPOSED TO FLOW DOWN TO YOUR KIDS.’ HE REFUSED THEREFORE TO LET US PAY. HE TOLD US TO DO THE SAME FOR OUR KIDS AND I HAVE TOLD THEM THIS STORY ABOUT WHY WE WILL NEVER LET THEM PAY.
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Are you yelling at us 
That’s what my DIL would say when you’re using all caps.
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I do not think that idea is prevalent in all cultures.
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Ooops. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Was trying to differentiate from questions. I know there was a better way.
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Yes. My father in law felt very strongly that when the flow went the other way, it is much harder to build generational wealth. He would say his greatest gift from his parents was that they refused to take money from him and scraped by when he was making more money than them
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I wonder if it is a regional/generational thing to have separate checks vs just splitting the bill. We almost always just split the check without worrying about who had what when dining with other couples. I generally order within the same range as the others but not always. If we order more, always offer to pay more or pay the tip, but almost always the other couple(s) will not allow that. Most places are BYO, but even with drinks we split. Possibly because the couples we go out with are all fortunate to be comfortable enough that a few dollars difference in a meal is not a major hardship.
At least one of my kids explained that in a group they figure out what each person owes and has the waitperson split the check accordingly.
Curious what area/state you’re in that most places are BYO? I’m in the Northeast (Mass specific) and can tell you that across the NE, BYO is a rarity.
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It was BYO when I was in Pennsylvania. So odd!
A bit off-topic but always find it interesting how the local liquor laws drive different aspects of business/society.
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Two weeks ago I went with a group of women friends to a book festival and we just divided our restaurant bills four ways. Our individual orders were generally in the same ballpark. Three of us drank a bottle of wine at one dinner–the fourth person didn’t drink, but she ordered mocktails. We had a few meals where we brought food to the house and we split those as well. It seemed to work out fine. I’ve been with groups where one person insists that each person should only pay what she owes. That drives me nuts, especially when someone pulls out her phone and starts running down the bill and asking “who had X”. I’d rather just split evenly amongst the group. IME the folks who’ve had more than others will add more.
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In the mid-Atlantic, NJ PA and even parts of NY have more BYOB restaurants.
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I am in the Chicago area’s Northern Suburbs. We go out with no couples who ask for separate checks. If someone has some crazily different cost (like a 80 steak when everyone else has 20 dollar dishes, that couple usually offers to leave the tip). But for the most part no one I know thinks twice about it. Bills are split down the middle and it would be considered bizarre to ask for separate checks.