<p>collage1- thinking of all involved with this. Like jym626, I find it unusual for the school to gather all parties together, though perhaps not if it is an agreed upon follow-up to meetings specific to the room-mate (and her mother, if permitted). I hope it was productive and an opportunity to get the other students out of the “hot-seat” in the minds of the room-mate and her mother.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Of 'course any reasonable person knows they can’t legally force the responsibility on someone. The lawyer comment was likely about how the mother is confident and persuasive (at least somewhat) with this dealing.</p>
<p>collage: just caught this thread at the tail end…just wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you; what a mess…and such an unfortunate way to finish up; good luck with all of this…</p>
<p>If the roommates have evidence of a suicide threat - text messages or if she told several people verbally, the college will most likely want her to take a medical leave. This is pretty standard stuff. Your D and her roommates should take all information about the suicide threat to the meeting. The college will not want to “hope for the best” with an enrolled student who has threatened suicide. Good luck to your D - I hope the meeting is productive for all involved.</p>
<p>Maybe the D’s suicide attempt was an attempt to get away from her overbearing and controlling mother. Yikes! Or an attempt for a cry out for help, which the mother is blatently ignoring by returning her back to school immediately. I’m sure the other roomies are under enough stress dealing with the first suicide attempt. Now they must not only take care of her, change their own lifestyles, feel the stress of the 1st attempt, and always fear a 2nd attempt, along with guilt or survior’s guilt? That woman has some nerve!</p>
<p>jeeeeeeeeeeeeeez</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Ah, Vladenschlutte, but that’s the point. Any parent who would leave his/her suicidal child at school and tell her roommates that they’re responsible for her can’t be a reasonable person.</p>
<p>Meeting moved to today. Keeping fingers crossed that there’s a resolution that works for everyone. Girl is pretending nothing happened, has a smile on her face, telling roommates not to worry as she’s fine, etc. Not really working for the roommates…also, so incredibly sad to report that another student committed suicide at this school this past week-end.</p>
<p>While I completely agree that if something like this were to occur in the lives of one of my own kids I would get them home ASAP, and get them help, and just try to slow life down for them to some extent, until we could get them stable, there is no rational reaction to this.</p>
<p>This mother is in classic “denial.” It happens. </p>
<p>She needs help as well, and a reaction like this, one of desperately wanting to “go back to the way it was” is so “normal” to be a cliche.</p>
<p>The mother needs some help in truly understanding what has happened.</p>
<p>Good luck to your daughter. I hope the school is able to help the mother see the “truth.”</p>
<p>Good luck to all, collage1. The tragedy over the weekend makes this much less abstract to those who may be struggling with the denial poetgrl describes so well. I hope there is pro-activity on the part of the college.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I should have said sensible I suppose. A sensible person knows that they can’t force responsibility of someone else on them, but a confident sensible person might try to make others think that they are responsible for someone.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>A person can be compassionate towards another person without assuming responsibility for her well being.</p>
<p>The woman’s mother is a bully. She is counting on the younger women to be intimidated by her insistence that they be responsible for her daughter. If they “fail” you can be sure that she will try to hold them legally responsible. The younger women need to stand up to this bully. They cannot have their own mothers do it for them. They should also do it in writing. They should send her a letter or an email stating that they are not mental health professionals and they cannot assume responsibility for the mental health of her daughter.</p>
<p>I do think that they can look out for her when they are able to do so but that is a far cry from assuming responsibility for her.</p>
<p>I don’t really see this as an issue that the roommates need to deal with the mother over. The college should intervene - the roommates are students who are not trained nor equipped to deal with any of this. Not to mention they have classes to attend. As awful as this situation is, colleges deal with this all the time. The roommates need to communicate very clearly the severity of the situation to the college so that two things happen: the young woman gets the help she needs, and the roommates are not left responsible for her well being.</p>
<p>And, Gourmetmom, that’s what happened today. The roommates met with 2 counselors from school (initiated by the school) and were able to share their fears and concerns. They really felt “heard” and were told many things that were helpful to them. First, the school already knew (before I called) and had been in touch with both the girl and the mom. </p>
<p>Even though the girl spent the first night out of the hospital in the apartment (which really caused anxiety for the girls), she has stayed with her mom at the hotel each night since. The girls all just thought their friend had just elected to do so. Actually, the school has mandated that, until she’s cleared by the school (counselors), she may not stay at her apartment. Further, the girls had received a text from mom yesterday that they were welcome to have alcohol in their apartment (the girls were very surprised) – turns out the school did set mom straight, letting her know that that request, along with all the rhetoric about the roommates being responsible for the girl, the roommates needing to make sure she didn’t drink, etc. was not acceptable and had to stop immediately. </p>
<p>The roommates and the counselors will meet again next week and were encouraged to call any time, day or night for any reason. I must say, after some earlier frustration, my daughter relayed a description of truly caring professionals who fully met the needs of the roommates and seemed to have a clear grasp on how to handle the girl and her mom. Honestly, if mom hadn’t come to town and, seemingly, is able to stay at a local hotel indefinitely, I get the sense that the girl would have been sent home. </p>
<p>The counselors commended the girls for calling 911 which was also something they needed to hear…since the girl and her mom are pretending like nothing happened, the girls had some guilt even though deep down they knew they had done the right thing.</p>
<p>They also had the opportunity to talk about spring break which, of course, the school can’t mandate one way or the other but the counselors did seem concerned and agreed to bring it up with mom and the girl.</p>
<p>So, since my D is feeling better, so am I. Not sure if any of you supportive folks out there will respond but in the morning I head to the other coast with D3 (junior in hs) for a college tour so I’m unlikely to be in CC much over the next week. Thanks again to everyone who responded…this was a tough one and all the support was incredibly helpful.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update collage1. Glad to hear that the school stepped up and the mom was set straight. I hope her daughter gets the help she needs and that your daughter is relieved of such stress. I remember my daughter stressing out in middle school about a friend who told her she was thinking about committing suicide. My daughter was weeping from the stress of it. Luckily, the girls’ parents acted quickly to get their daughter help. She is now happy and quite well-adjusted.</p>
<p>Just saw your update, collage1. Glad that the school was helpful to all and that the room-mates were not out of the loop. It seems that some schools are getting more savvy about navigating these situations over time.</p>
<p>Excellent. That’s great news.</p>
<p>The mom is full of it.</p>
<p>Honestly, if I were you, I would personally call the college and make them aware of what happened. Chances are, the college will want to take some sort of legal action. I would tell my daughter to continue to do whatever she pleases. Perhaps this overbearing mom is part of the problem. This mom seems clueless, and doesn’t want to take responsibility herself, and assumes it is the roommates job to babysit her daughter.</p>
<p>Seriously, call the deans office and counseling office and make them aware of what happened. There is a good chance they will bring her in and discuss whether she should or wants to continue there. And they can maybe get her on a counseling program or discuss if she perhaps needs a term off.</p>
<p>edited to add: opps! just read your update. Glad it all worked out well.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update. I’m very glad for your daughter’s sake that the school is handling it so well.</p>