hot tip … if mom is always broke and has to hit YOU up for $$$, she’s probably not the best source of college and career advice.
so dad won’t pay for college, but you can live with him and go to CC, so he IS at least contributing the value of room. if he buys the groceries too, then his contribution is room & board. CC sounds like it will be much less expensive, so even without him paying tuition + fees, he will still be making a positive financial contribution toward your education.
unfortunately it sounds like UNT will put you directly into mom’s sphere of influence … and not only is she not making any tangible financial contribution toward you like dad would be, she and sis would actively DRAIN your limited finances with their future financial “emergencies”
so I am on Team CC. not only is it cheaper for 2 years, but you will be with the parent who is contributing something positive financially to your bottom line, as opposed to the parent who will negatively affect your finances.
As others said above, the FA that is offered freshman year is often more generous than for transfers, unless it is all need-based. And if you work/have income, that will affect your FA package in the future.
First, someone looking for money will review their options from most convenient to least convenient. When you’re asked by someone in a hard position, it may feel like you’re the difference between their chance to succeed and their chance to fail. But you’re really just the next stop on the list…there was an easier one before you and there will be a harder one after you.
Second, we use the expression in our office that “What appears to be a crisis is often the end of the illusion that things were working.” It’s rare that someone is actually in a situation where they were OK before and they’ll be OK after, if they can just resolve one immediate issue.
So either your mother cannot work or she is choosing not to. If she cannot work she should get support through social security or something. If she is choosing not to, that is not your issue.
Even if the OP’s mom “cannot” work, the SS disability process is slow and unpredictable. Agree- the mom’s financial woes are NOT the responsibility of the OP. And @bopper is right, moochers will go to the people they know they can mooch off of. SAY NO. She will move on to other suckers.
My mom is able to work and does, she is just terrible with money and never holds down a job. In the past 8 years, the longest job she has kept without quitting was about 9 months.
I’m also not sure about putting myself into a situation that’s not emotionally healthy for me. I also don’t want to keep from getting better financial aid later on, if it would hurt me financially. I’m not sure about the idea of a gap year or semester, just because I don’t want to put off going to school.
I got into a few other Universities, I don’t know if it would be worth it to call one of them and ask if its too late to review my financial aid packages and weigh my options from there.
Your sister goes to UNT?
Your mom has a job there?
You will live in a dorm, with a roommate and a dining plan?
Your net cost is something like $7500 ($5500 loan, $2K to pay - per YEAR)?
Your mom has asked YOU for money or she has asked your dad?
And I will live in a dorm, with a roommate and with a meal plan
My net cost is around 7500.
And it isn’t so much that she has asked yet, it is that she will. She is extremely codependent, and has not been able to rely on herself for a long time. She has a history of moving in and out of houses and apartments, some by herself and some with different boyfriends and then asking us for money when everything fell through. The whole situation is more complicated than that, though, because I have a younger half sister that lives with her and my dad and I try extremely hard to support my younger sister as much as possible. Its just one of those things where I don’t want to be put in a situation where I don’t want to constantly feel guilty for not helping my mom and hurting two other family members because of it. And its always harder to say no whenever we live close to each other. The whole situation is complicated and frustrating.
This is another thing I just thought of–I am not too far off with my SAT scores for automatic acceptance to TAMU, and I loved the campus when I visited. Would it be wise if I retook my SAT and applied for the spring semester? If I have automatic acceptance, I can get a lot in scholarships and then use the fall semester to work full time and save.
Another note: I want to thank everyone for helping out and listening to my overly complicated family situation. I always feel weary talking about it openly and I’m really glad I am getting a lot of support.
@jym626 He is one of my mom’s exes from a while ago. He lost his job this year and can’t pay child support. More so than that, he is a POS who doesn’t even try to be part of her life and doesn’t want to be part of her life. Which is really really awful because my little sister is actually the greatest child alive and is sweet, smart, funny, and adorable. I’ve been put into several situations where I have to help provide for her, so I feel somewhat responsible for her well being. There have been situations where I am unable to help her because of work, extracurriculars, schoolwork, etc. but I feel incredibly guilty about it. Like I said, my family situation is very complicated and dramatic and I have wanted to get away from it for some time, which is why I tried so hard in high school to get into college.
Agree you should get away from it. The dad is financially responsible - your mom can have him thrown in jail (not that that would help) if he isnt paying child support. It sounds like your mom will manipulate you with guilt through this sister if you pull away, and that is completely unfair. Perhaps you have aunts or uncles on your moms side that can/will help her out. Putting you in this position is simply not ok. Good luck!
OK. I am hearing a little bit that your mom hasn’t asked you for money but has asked your dad and he thinks she will ask you. I know how it can be to be stuck between divorced parents and if they talk about each other badly that doesn’t help.
But, based on what you’ve said, you aren’t comfortable living near your mom and you don’t like UNT at all…so if you can get a full refund (probably going to lose your deposits though) and not lose aid, then it sounds like you should change, either to CC or to work a semester and shoot for TAMU/take a gap year. I suspect you have a little time to make sure before you do that, though, at least until your bill is due, but check.
You should look at (by which I mean, check web site, email, call) TAMU and see if the same auto-acceptance and scholarships are available to you as a spring admit, first.
They may NOT be available if you take any CC classes, so check that too.
It’s really important to note that if you decide to take a gap year to work on your SAT to try to get into TAMU, you can’t take cc classes because you’ll be considered a transfer and you won’t be eligible for freshmen grants. The best aid goes to freshmen.
You should not be put into the position of helping to support your stepsister. Please stop doing that. I know it’s tough because you feel guilty. You can’t. It’s not your responsibility. The best thing you can do for your sisters is to show them, by example, that it’s okay to live their own lives without having to financially support your mom. Your mom figured it out before you were born. She’ll figure something out now too. If you have to, find a counselor to help you work through the guilt.
I think you need to learn some tactics for dealing with her. When she starts pressuring you, cut the conversation short. Learn to say no without offering an explanation because that just gives her a negotiating tactic. Don’t get sucked into helping her find solutions to her problems and keep your finances to yourself. For your own financial well being (and that of any family you plan to have), you need to set boundaries and establish the habits that you and your future spouse can live with.
If you decide to apply to another college…do so as a fall freshman. Financial aid for second semester is usually limited. In addition, many full year courses start fall term…and then continue for the year. You will be “off” sequence starting in the spring.
The community college option sounds like a good one. You should work and save money. Get top grades.
When you get to the CC, please talk to the transfer advisor asap. That person will help identify schools with articulation agreements with the CC…whereby your courses WILL transfer and you will be accepted.
Your eligibility for a Pell Grant, and the Direct Loan will be the same…even as a transfer. (Assuming finances are the same when you transfer)
There is an August test date now for the SAT. You could sign up for it. You could do the 8 online practice tests from collegboard and focus just on the math sections. Combine with Khanacademy math concept videos. And/or complete math section walkthroughs on youtube.
Do you have a friend who is good at math and could help you study some?
Some of the Texas A&M system universities have programs for low income students. Ask about Aggie Promise or something similar.
I have read many different responses. I did NOT want to go across town to my flagship U. I, too, was a top student with scholarships. The best thing I ever did was to go away to school and live on campus. It was a world apart from the rest of the city and suburbs. Later I worked on campus as well.
Go to the four year U. A very different peer group and material taught in classes than any community college I presume. It will give you that freshman in the dorm experience you can never replace and better prepare you for later classes.
You will be staying on campus. No need to have a car. No need to visit family, even if they are less than 10 miles away- I know. Never any need to share your money or other stuff. Say no. Your mom will not be on campus and with security these days there is no way she can visit you in your dorm unless you let her. You won’t even have to feel guilty for turning her away/ignoring her as she won’t have traveled that far. Even if your money is accessible to you is it spent and you have NONE for family. Fact of life they need to get used to. You owe them NOTHING. They should be lucky you are not needing their help.
You did well in HS- enough to earn scholarships. Treat yourself to the caliber of education you NEED. Working on campus while a student is something many students do.
For the future. Develop and keep that strong backbone you are needing now. When you finish school and are supporting yourself continue to be strong and ignore family pleas for money. btw- you will meet so many people living on campus and have time to exchange stories. You are not a t all unusual to have financial concerns and a dysfunctional family. You are only responsible for yourself.
As an adult your parents do not have access to any information about you unless you tell them (in fact even if underage colleges treat all students like adults). Avoid giving them your class schedule and any other details. This is easy to do, especially since your mom has no financial power over you.
@spinthatrecord , Tell us again. If you stay at the 4-yr university, do you have enough money if you give up the car and don’t work a non-work study job? As @wis75 stated above, it is easy to disappear in peace on a college campus.