When is it too late to change your mind?

Parents Forum
1

The entire college admissions process has been extremely difficult for me; I got into my top choice university, but it was impossible to pay for. My dad encouraged me to take out extra student loans to pay for it, but I chose to find a different option. I was considering community college–it’s affordable, and honestly, I can’t afford a university without working full time anyway (I am expected to pay for college all on my own). If I went to a community college, the courses would be easier and I would be able to maintain a better GPA while I worked. There’s one right by my house, too, so I could save money on housing.

My mom, however, got extremely upset at the choice I was leaning towards. She told me that it would be a mistake for me, a 4.0 student who worked all throughout high school to get into a 4 year university, to start off at a community college. She insisted that I accept my admissions offer from the University of North Texas. Now, I was not excited about UNT to begin with. My mom had moved there twice before (my parents are divorced) and had the habit of always moving back to San Antonio, always begging for financial help from my father and me. I figured if I accepted it, she would try to move back up there and utilize me as a source of financial help.

But the asking wouldn’t stop. The pestering wouldn’t stop. It was already April and I hadn’t made a decision on college yet. I took a tour, and hated the campus. I took a look at my financial aid package there, saw it was the best one, and then decided to go ahead and accept an admissions offer.

Now, it is July. I have signed up for my classes. I have a roommate, and I have completed everything I need to in order to move in August 18th. Nothing has been paid yet, but my scholarships are accepted. And my mom did exactly what I thought she would do, and got a job in Denton. To make it worse, she convinced my older sister who goes to UNT to move into an apartment with her. So as soon as they have financial trouble or need help, I would not only screw over my mother, but would also screw over my oldest sister.

More so than all of this, all of the effort I put into high school was to get away from my family and all of their drama. I wanted to be on my own and away, and my mom knows that but decided to move there anyway, even telling my dad that she wants to be closer to me. I hated the school from the beginning, but now I feel like the whole reason I wanted to go to a university is down the drain. I feel like if I stay at home for a little bit, I can at least save money until I figure everything out.

I just don’t know if its too late to make this decision.

2

You haven’t started yet. It’s not too late yet. Don’t wait.



It sounds like you wanted to go to community college and had thought it through and had good reasons for that decision. My advice would be to call the college you accepted and tell them you have changed your mind. Withdraw from it. Contact the community college and get signed up. (Your alternative to that would be to work full time to save up money and try applying to a new set of colleges that you would like and that have a better financial package for you).



Contact your mom and tell her you are not going to the college she was expecting. Stay focused on YOUR goals. Your mom isn’t paying for it, she has no say.


3

There’s never a point of no return, but the consequences keep changing.

Saying something before your mom signed a lease in Denton would have saved a consequence.
Saying something before your tuition is due would save a consequence.
Not saying anything until classes start will have different consequences.
Spending a semester trying the school and seeing how it goes would have different consequences.
Staying in an environment that is not mentally healthy for four years but possibly getting a degree, yet another set of consequences.

You may not be able to make yourself and your parents happy on this one. You have to figure out what you want and what consequences you can live with.

4

Do you live with your dad? How much will UNT cost you out-of-pocket? Do you have to work full-time to afford it? What are your ACT/SAT test scores?



If it’s necessary for you to hold a full-time job to pay for this school, it’s not affordable. If your parents can’t/won’t pay, they can’t tell you what school to attend. Will your dad let you live at home and work? If so, you may want to take a gap year and target affordable schools.



Your mom and sister are a different situation. It’s not up to you to support them and it’s not “screwing them over” to refuse to do it. The sooner you learn to say no, the better. I had a relative who used to behave the way your mom is. It’s selfish and unreasonable for an older person, especially a parent who’s capable of working, to pressure a teenager for financial help. You have to learn to say no without giving excuses. When the nagging starts, end the conversation. If this continues into your adulthood, it can have a disasterous affect on your own family.



Helping family when you’re in a position to be able to afford to give money away is one thing, but being pressured to give away money you don’t have (especially by the person who should be supporting you) is totally different. Will your dad support you in setting boundaries with your mom and sister?

5

I do live with my dad. He said he would be willing to have me stay at home and go to a community college if I wanted to do so. He told me he was especially concerned about the situation now that my older sister would move in with my mom, and said that he knew if I moved up there he knows that they will have me supporting them financially in no time, and that it wouldn’t be good for me.

And the issue with affording the school is that it is not possible. My unmet need is $2,000. The thing is, I have to pay for my own cell phone bill, car, gas, textbooks, etc. I am receiving no help, which makes paying for college nearly impossible. At least a four year university, that is. On top of all of this, I am wanting to go to law school, so I need to minimize my debt as much as possible regardless. To me, community college is just seeming to make the most sense in my situation.

Thank y’all for your help, I think I really needed reassurance on this before I made a decision. I’ll call UNT tomorrow and speak with somebody about getting withdrawn, and then look at taking classes at my local community college.

6

I think that is a good idea. Just have a plan for what you are going to do after 2 years at CC. Find out what agreements they have with 4 year schools for transferring. Make sure you understand all the requirements for transferring and stay in track. Keep on top of the financial aid rules and paperwork. Save what you can by living at home, and try to figure out a plan for your last two years that doesn’t require working full time (really not possible as a full time student).

7

Once you are clearly withdrawn from UNT, your CC is not necessarily your only option. What are your SAT/ACT scores? Do you really have a 4.0? How far from home are you willing to go for your education?

A gap year while you apply to places where you are guaranteed a full-ride or nearly a full-ride because of your stats might be your best option of all. Go to the Financial Aid Forum and get some advice about that.

Here are two older threads to read through for ideas. Some of the scholarships listed no longer exist or criteria have changed.
http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/
http://competitivefulltuition.yolasite.com/

8

Call UNT, but make sure that you put your request to withdraw in writing. too. You may have to send a request to registration to withdraw from courses, the residency office (to withdraw from dorms), and whichever department handles the meal plan to be completely withdrawn, so ask about that when you call.

Seconding happymomof1’s post that if you give us your stats, we may be able to help find an affordable school that’s not a cc. There’s nothing wrong with cc’s, of course, but once you start you become a transfer student. Transfers don’t usually get great aid. Do you know your family’s EFC?

9

Your Mother is the adult, you are the kid. Do what is best for you, at some point your Mother needs to man up ad take care of herself and not depend on you. I wish you the best.

10

@austinmshauri I was ranked in the top 20% of my class with a 95 GPA (4.0 on a 4.0 scale), and my SAT’s were an 1190, 700 CR and a 490 in math. My math was not brought up, no mattee how much studying or tutoring I did. But, I passed my math TSI so as long as I stay in Texas I’m good on remedial course work. I am wanting to stay in Texas because of in state tuition.

11

Go to CC. You should not start your adult life being massively in debt. Don’t worry about your mom. CC is a perfectly respectable way for you to begin your college career. I myself attended CC and transferred. My degree is just as legitimate as anyone else’s, and my parents saved a lot of money. Plus, CC is going to be less stressful and if you want to escape drama, it’s a good choice.

Look at the website of your CC and make sure it isn’t too late to sign up for fall classes. And it is not too late to withdraw from the university, though you will lose the deposit. Even if you have issued the deadline, you can work and start in spring semester. Good luck.

12

I’d withdraw from UNT and attend the cc. I got a broadcasting degree from a cc and transferred to one of our state schools. When I got hired by a major network in a major market, I got paid the same as the people who graduated from brand name schools.



If money is an issue, you can take the federal student loan each year and bank it to help pay for your 3rd and 4th year. (You can take $5500 as a freshman, $6500 as a soph, and $7500 each year as a junior and senior). But if you do that, do NOT tell your mom or sister that you did. And resolve not to cave to your mom’s pressure to support her. It took me a long time to learn to deal with my relative who behaved that way. We get along great now even though I haven’t given them money for years and years. They figured out how to live within their means and your mom can too. And it will be a great example for your sister.

13

Totally agree. Start at CC and do not give your mother and sister another dime, other than planned minimal gifts for birthdays, etc. They will both get it together once you are firm and steady in not giving them money. Do what is best for you and have your dad stand with you to keep them from trying to drain your dry.

You deserve peace and they are wrong to do this to you. Go have a great school year!

14

I am going to give a different perspective. Unmet need of $2k is manageable if you take a subsidized student loan. Even if you look at schools that meet full need, if you look out of state you will still need to get to/from the school for holidays and such, and that can add up to $2k in transportation costs. Maybe give the school a chance. Many students grow where they are planted. That said, say NO to any request from your mother. The pestering continues only if you let it. You don’t have to answer the phone. A difficult as it is, if the calls from her are stressful, don’t answer. Its hard, but its doable. You are not her parent. But you are an adult. Give UNT a try and see if you like it. But steer clear from mom and , if necessary, sister. ITs not a fun position to be in. So sorry.

15

You’re paying the bills, you get to decide how much debt you’re comfortable with.

I think your plan of 2 years of CC is a wise one. Look into their honor’s program-- I know that both CC’s near me have them. And keep in contact with the transfer office from the outset.

16

@jym626, I think OP said he’d have to work full-time to afford the school. Do public TX colleges meet need?



OP, can you post your package here? Are you Pell eligible? Is your net cost after taking the federal loans?

17

It would be helpful for the OP to clarify, as it is a bit confusing, @austinmshauri. It sounded like the OP said they’d have to work full time to afford cellphone, car, gas, etc. If he/she lives on campus, the car can be left at home, no gas costs and put the insurance on hold (or however that’s done) if the car will be garaged for a semester. If there is a good deal of need, the college hopefully offered work study. If an additional job is needed, maybe one can be found near campus that doesn’t require a car. Just potential options to consider. The math schore may be a concern for some schools that might offer large scholarships, and the OP said they want/need to stay in Tx (though maybe there is wiggle room there).

18

Some TX colleges do meet need, like Rice and Trinity. However, I know I don’t stand a chance for Rice, and I can get into Trinity (my stats are pretty solid for that school and I have a huge legacy status), but the deadline is closed so I would have to either wait or transfer.



My EFC was a little over $3000, and I got a Pell Grant for $2777. The extra 2k for UNT was after federal loans.



I think that I am leaning towards either taking a semester off or just starting off at a CC, even if I am only there for a year.

19

I would have to work full time to have a car, phone, food, etc. I have the unmet need of $2k, which I could take out private loans for, but would much rather avoid doing.

20

I was also offered work study as well by the school.