Even if you haven’t explicitly said "I’ll definitely go here if you give me the $,” if after you ask for more money, the college gives it to you, and you then turn around and walk away, that sends a terrible message. It’s at least impolite, and it has ramifications beyond your student’s particular situation. Why should the college “negotiate” with other students if one of the not unlikely outcomes is that a student will not enroll even if more aid is offered?
I disagree - I don’t think you should feel obligated to sign immediately and I don’t think it affects others who are also negotiating.
As a side note- I’m very much into being respectful, polite, and not putting the other side (school) into a disadvantageous position.
But when I look at shelling out $120- $150k - this is a business transaction. 
Ok, so make it a respectful and polite transaction. Decide with your student what the first choice school is and what the acceptable/affordable price point is. Politely inform the first choice school that if the net price can be made $X, your student will enroll. If the net price can be met, politely say thank you and enroll the student. If the net price cannot be met, politely thank them for their time and consideration and move on to the second choice school. Rinse and repeat. And good luck.
The school is getting a ton of my money if my kid goes there. The president of the school likely makes
7 figures. I’m less inclined to feel bound by an increased
offer of a couple thousand dollars.
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, this is not a commodity purchase. This is your child’s college education. If it hasn’t already happened, there’s a good chance that emotions willl play a big part in the process. With the first child, it’s a transaction that no parent has experienced before. Prior transactional experiences likely do not apply.
It is business, so what do you have to offer the school that will make them want to give you thousands of dollars more in aid? If you’re not prepared to commit to having your kid attend if the aid materializes, why should they go to the time and expense of creating a new package for you?
Getting extra merit is tough. If you got need based aid at school A and peer school B gave your family a better package, you could give the package from school B to school A and ask them to “reevaluate” the aid. But this is merit and your reason for wanting more seems to be that you don’t want to pay. You can ask, but make sure your child knows whether or not they can attend if the answer’s no.
“If you’re not prepared to commit to having your kid attend if the aid materializes, why should they go to the time and expense of creating a new package for you?”
This.
And be emotionally prepared that your “appeals” may be denied. Many schools do not negotiate merit.
You can try. But it really helps if there is a better offer from a peer school. And it might be a good idea to gauge how selective this school is, or how high its yield is, etc…
We tried it a few years ago, got nowhere. To the point that they didn’t even acknowledge our email. I called and got a firm “no dice.”
OTOH, I know someone who did the same thing and got an extra $1700 a year out of the college. This was five or six years ago. Things have changed a lot since then and there are colleges that have really cut down on merit, or done away with it all together.
There are plenty of stories of people who have managed to get more money, but AFAIK, these stories mostly center around people with genuine financial need and, often, students that a college really wants.
I’m just thinking- “time and effort to create a new package” as compared to me giving you $150k.
I’m generally a polite and respectful person. I just don’t see the downside of asking and don’t immediately see the moral imperative to immediately accept any revised offer.
And, yea, totally and completely aware that the whole convo may be futile and not a dime more forthcoming. On that.
The above addresses the idea that I should have to commit to attendance in order for you to even craft a counter offer - somehow, I don’t see that.
Rereading some prior posts - thank you again for the feedback.
Haha- we’ll agree to disagree. I actually do think this is a commodity purchase. 100%.
What they get out of it is my cash and the possible future prestige (translating to more students and further alumni donations) if my kid does well after graduation.
Why should I not look at the biggest purchase I’ll ever likely make with the same financial discernment of other purchases? This is future debt for my kid. I feel an obligation to try.
*What Is a Commodity?
A commodity is a basic good used in commerce that is interchangeable with other goods of the same type. Commodities are most often used as inputs in the production of other goods or services. The quality of a given commodity may differ slightly, but it is essentially uniform across producers.
When they are traded on an exchange, commodities must also meet specified minimum standards, also known as a basis grade. They tend to change rapidly from year to year.
Understanding Commodities
The basic idea is that there is little differentiation between a commodity coming from one producer and the same commodity from another producer. A barrel of oil is basically the same product, regardless of the producer. By contrast, for electronics merchandise, the quality and features of a given product may be completely different depending on the producer. Some traditional examples of commodities include grains, gold, beef, oil, and natural gas. More recently, the definition has expanded to include financial products, such as foreign currencies and indexes. Technological advances have also led to new types of commodities being exchanged in the marketplace. For example, cell phone minutes and bandwidth.*
https://www.investopedia.com/terms/c/commodity.asp
A college education =/= a commodity.
But I’m ok with agreeing to disagree.
Aid officers can sniff out those who are simply looking for the best bargain (i.e. someone who won’t name their price). They aren’t going to play that game with someone making $200K+/year. This isn’t their first rodeo. If you’re negotiating with them and won’t commit to attend at $X, they’ll know you’re negotiating with others, and until you bring in a written offer from another college of similar or higher rank, they know they’re still in the game - at any price.
If you say, “I can only afford to pay X” and the college offers you funding so that you will only pay X, they are going to expect you to take it, and rather quickly too. They have a long line of much needier students, and your daughter’s stats, even if in the top 25% for that particular college, aren’t uncommonly high.
Whatever fame and fortune your daughter will bring to the college as an alumna isn’t going to be part of the equation. ANY of their students could one day be that person. They aren’t going to place bets on any one in particular.
Go ahead and politely ask for more merit money. Just don’t expect that coming on strong is going to get you anywhere. It is need-based aid that is in fashion now.
I’m definitely not the type to come on strong.
I do see that politely requesting whether there is more money available in a particular circumstance is somehow being conflated with being pushy or demanding. And being required to offer up a major commitment for the right to even ask isn’t something I see as necessary.
In no other context would this be the case, I think.
Ok - you got me on the commodity definition! ?
Is paying for college an exchange between two sides where each side gains something of value? Yes.
Does that mean one can investigate a better financial option for your side? Yes.
I absolutely agree that financial considerations, including strategies for minimizing expenses, should always be part of the college selection process.
My point is that employing appropriate strategies in the college selection context is a singularly unique experience when compared to other business transactions.
There are ways to word the request for more money, for an additional review, where you are not locking yourself into that school. “I am trying to get the best numbers for each college still on my list. Are there any other scholarships or awards I can apply for to increase the amount of aid?” “I have several schools I’m considering but finances are very important to my family. Private U has offered me $$$. Can You offer anything close to that?”
Don’t commit to go to the school, even with an additional award, if that’s not what you want to do.
For my daughter, we had figured out the merit award (based off ACT/GPA) and the offer was less, at a lower award level. I’m glad I asked as they had used an old ACT score and never updated her records (also an issue of having two admissions files). It increased her merit award by $20k ($5k per year). They were also able to get her an SEOG and a state grant.
I’d ask for the award reconsideration when you are ready to make a decision (2-4 weeks before). That may be when you have all your decisions and awards in, but it may be after a favorite school has made its award and you need to accept it or cut it. For daughter above, she was accepted in Oct but didn’t receive FA/merit info until February (olden days, when FAFSA wasn’t filed until Jan). We knew right then that we needed to ask about FA because if there wasn’t going to be more aid, she’d have to go to a different school or take a gap year.
Twoinanddone- thanks that’s great advice!
We got almost all merit offers (and schools we didn’t hear from yet are highly unlikely to give anything). We haven’t received any need offers but are expecting zero in that front.
In light of that - is now a good time to ask for more merit - before it’s all given away? Can’t immediately see the benefit of waiting until closer to decision-time…?
Also - just had to reply to this idea - why is “trying to get the best bargain”’in the process of determining which college a student will attend (and where you will dump $150k) such a seemingly uncouth concept?
That just seems kind of funny to me.
Colleges are non-profit but they are in business. They have no hesitation about jacking up costs far above the rate of inflation and far, far above the rate wages have increased.
I’m always polite but this is clearly a financial transaction.