I am not sure this is a conversation about couth, but about managing your expectations. I think knock yourself out. your admitted kid will have been assigned and admissions person, call them up and ask. Don’t email, call.
As you have these merit awards already, what are they?
“future prestige”
From talent?
Haha - in terms of “future prestige” - I was (perhaps inartfully) trying to lay out the interests of both parties on either side of the college equation.
Why do colleges give merit money to high stat kids? They think those kids will succeed at school and go on to achieve something that brings recognition to the school, presumably. Why else do the schools tout the number of Rhodes scholars, etc in their admissions literature? 
@“Jolynne Smyth” I think schools give merit money to high stat kids because they are trying to increase the school’s overall stats to look more competitive for future applicants (and possibly rise in rankings)…not necessarily thinking each/any of those kids will possibly be Rhodes Scholars. I definitely wouldn’t be trying to convince a school of further ‘future value’ when trying to increase a merit money offer.
We spent some time figuring out the value of merit money as it related to GPA requirements that some merit offers attach. The higher the GPA requirement, the less value it had for us (I didn’t want my child to worry about their GPA and how it would relate to college affordability for 4 years). I also assumed that schools with GPA requirements of 3.5 or higher were definitely planning on a % of scholarship recipients to lose the scholarship during their tenure at the school.
Find out how much merit money schools are willing to give before starting the ask conversation. Many of the schools we looked at had hard caps of top merit money (50% COA, or a specific $ amt - depending on the school). If you are already at the top of the merit offered, additional discussions are probably fruitless.
Helpful insights, beebee3!
Yes - some schools in the mix have a cap on OOS merit (with the exception of a very very few full rides). Others are such big, state schools that an increase would be a long shot.
But there are a few other options that might possible. I figure- if you are polite, why not ask?
We are talking about the 3.6/1330 kid, right? Just to be clear? For which major?
Sybylla - yep. She already has merit from $4k- $35k at various schools. The advantage of strategic applying - some of which I learned here at cc!
Thus trying to add to my strategic knowledge a bit more!
…and I would like to encourage other parents that your kid doesn’t need stratospheric stats nor spend summers doing cancer research to get some merit! In fact she got the same merit at a few schools as friends with test scores over 100 points higher and tons more APs.
The more you learn about this stuff the better you can do…!
$35k in merit? Why isn’t your child sending a deposit now? I’d be totally shocked if any other college comes close to offering that kind of money.
It would be helpful to know which colleges have offered merit and your D’s intended major. In as much as you want to save money, I’m thinking that you also ought to consider the college at least a little. There is some value in a name. There is a reason why people will spend more money on a “brand” with a good reputation.
I’m not attempting to denigrate the colleges your D has been accepted to. Based on the stats you’ve provided here, I’m guessing that the school that offered $35k is not well known, and/or perhaps not highly regarded, and probably private. The lower offers are possibly from somewhat more selective schools, and/or public schools.
There are plenty of colleges where the listed price isn’t the price that all students are expected to pay. Merit awards are typically given to kids with better stats, but they are given, at some colleges, as an enticement to get ANY students to matriculate.
You said your D has already heard from a lot of colleges and has her offers in hand. You’re still waiting to hear from colleges that aren’t going to offer money. So can you afford to send her to more selective colleges without any money? I’m guessing those colleges are more selective and/or have somewhat better name recognition than some of the others already in hand. Why apply to those schools then? Is the brand name important to you and her, or is saving money the goal?
Most people understand that there are students who will do well in life regardless of where they go to college. There are also people who feel that name recognition is worth paying extra for, especially if your child isn’t the type who is likely to be proactive in taking advantage of opportunities. As long as you understand that you won’t get the Chateau Lafitte Rothschild for the price of a bottle of Thunderbird, you have nothing to lose.
It is possible that future employers might care more about the brand than you are considering. There is no question that this is true for some careers. Try and get more money, by all means. But ultimately, think about the best way to set your D up for future success.
@Lindagaf maybe no deposit because the net cost at this school is still $40,000 a year which is too much for the family.
Like i said…the amount of merit aid really isn’t as important at two other things.
Lindagaf- yes, the college analysis is complicated and involves many factors, as you said.
One of those factors in money though, so I am focused at the moment on enhancing that aspect as much as possible. The final decision of course will involve many other considerations.
@“Jolynne Smyth” you really can discuss merit aid awards whenever you choose to. Merit aid is usually awarded via the admissions office. Need based aid through the financial aid office.
I’m not sure there is any “right” or “wrong” timing.
has she been admitted at Rutgers? Any other instate publics?
<<<<She already has merit from $4k- $35k at various schools<<<
Which schools though? Baby and bathwater applies here.
Thanks, thumper1! That’s exactly the answer I was looking for.
And, yes, the $35k is at a small LAC with a $67k price tag. So net cost is the figure we are looking at, for all.
Best time to ask is after you’ve received the merit and need based offers AND you have a better, competing offer from a PEER school that your child would be willing to attend to show to the school you’re hoping to get better aid from.
Tdy123
I’ve heard mixed things about mentioning the peer school offer. A video I watched with a panel of current college admissions officers had them all swearing that competing offers didn’t matter (who knows if that’s accurate though! 
).
If one of the main reasons my D can go to one school over another is the ultimate net cost, I’m not sure why a competing aid offer (in isolation) would matter. For some schools, a $5k award brings the school down to $23k a year - in others, a $30k award brings it to $35 a year.
If they want your kid for some reason (such that they’ve offered a moderate merit amount) I’m struggling to see how a “competing offer from a peer school” would make a difference. Instead I might say: “We can afford x amount for college. Some schools have offered aid to bring it down to that amount. She’d really like to go to your school. Can there be an adjustment?”
I might be missing something though …
So you have a choice…
You can either mention other received offers or not.
And you can do it now…or wait.
I’d say that asking a school to “match” can potentially be problematical, but you can politely ask them to re-evaluate their offer in light of other offers at schools they would be happy to “steal” a student from.
My son was accepted EA Harvard, RD Yale. Harvard’s offer was better. During Bull Dog Days (Yale’s accepted student visit program) I went to the Yale Fin Aid office with the Harvard award letter in hand. I didn’t ask them to “match” but I did say that my son preferred Yale and I hoped that he would be able to make a decision based on the best fit without financial pressure.
The Fin Aid officer told me that she was delighted that I’d brought in the Harvard award letter as it made it much easier for her to increase the award. She asked if she could make a copy of the Harvard award and then she went in to speak to the Dean and came back in less than 5 minutes with an offer equal to and maybe slightly better than Harvard’s. I had an email confirmation within 5 minutes, and a written confirmation letter of the new award was waiting for us when we arrived home a few days later.
About a year after this took place, the Yale Daily News ran an article about negotiating financial aid awards at Yale. https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2016/11/11/how-generous-is-generous-enough/
Son graduated Yale this past May. The award level stayed consistent over the four years.
OP is looking for merit money. A long HYP needs based $$ only story is really a distraction that OP in particular doesn’t need LOL., the focus on the real options and actual budget is what is needed now. as OP doesn’t want to cite the offer schools, it is all abstract.
Tdy123- glad it worked out for your son!
Sybylla is correct, though, in that we are looking for more merit. And not in the HPY realm. ?
I think we will wait to visit the school that D really likes (private, $$$) and chat with admissions while there to see if there is any room in the merit area.
I must say - many, many thanks for the differing viewpoints, thoughtful responses, and shared stories.
So great to hear from other caring parents interested in this process!
CC is awesome!
I think the most important factor is to make sure your kid knows the budget in hard numbers before you visit anywhere. As you are driving the train for visits and approved the college application list, make sure you are being clear what is possible and what is fantasy. As in "we can pay $x". Frankly, I wouldn't bother visiting schools that are not in the budget, period. It is Feb. Magic money is unlikely.