Yes my kid is very aware of the money and what we can afford.
Many tears were shed when favorite OOS flagship came in with only $6k.
She will know visiting pricey private school (above our budget) that it is a long, long shot.
Then again, as was noted here, it’s pretty hard to argue to the school that it is student’s top choice when she’s never visited. 
So we will, with reasonable expectations…
Little piece of advice-
Don’t bother “negotiating” with the colleges that have offered a token amount. They use algorithms to maximize their merit aid budgets; there’s a reason some kids get 5 and others get 25. If your kid gets a 5 K award but would need 25K to make it work- if it were me, it would go off the list. If they give you a 50% increase (which is huge) to 7.5K-- it’s still not affordable, right? So save yourself time, aggravation, and let your D move on- take it off. EVEN if they discover your D is eligible for a special departmental award of $1500… I just can’t see investing the time and resources into a college which has shown it is unaffordable. For the hours you’d spend on the back and forth you could get a part-time job and earn just as much.
I am also of the belief that there is no more powerful negotiating tool than “if you increase the award by $6K we are prepared to send our enrollment deposit today”. So I honestly listen to these tales of parents negotiating with 10 schools simultaneously with a very big grain of salt. You just don’t have much leverage, it’s hard to maintain the narrative, and at some point, you’re chasing your tail.
Make sure you and your D have gone through the COA’s very carefully before starting a discussion with admissions. If the COA includes a 2K fee for student health, but your current health insurance qualifies you for a waiver- you’ve just saved 2 grand. If the COA includes the full meal plan, 21 meals a week, and your D hasn’t eaten breakfast since she was 6 years old- figure out the cost of a more modest meal plan. If the COA assumes lab fees but your D is studying early childhood Ed and won’t have lab fees-- etc. A lot of folks think they need more money off the sticker price but haven’t worked through sticker price to see what applies to them and what not.
Good luck.
Thanks, blossom. Good points.
We have already scratched a few schools off the list on that basis. State flagship OOS → offered $4k a year off a $53k ticket. Nope, not even visiting.
We are looking more closely at the line items now. My original rough estimates were tuition+ room & board. Clearly there is more but good point that there may be variability in those items.
Adding to @Blossom
Look at dorms too. There might be a less costly living option. At my kids’ colleges, triples were less costly in traditional dorms than any other dorm room option. That could also shave some money off your costs.
But be aware that the Student Health Fee isn’t always insurance that can be waived but a fee that all students must pay to have the Student health center. And some schools only have one meal plan, especially for freshmen. Daughter had a choice of Plan A or Plan B with the same (insane) price of $2600 per semester. No other options until you were a sophomore when suddenly you eat less and it only costs $1800.
The only place we could shave money off the COA was in books and travel.
Twoin- one of my kids colleges had a student health fee- and no amount of research or negotiating could make that budge. But one of mine had a student health fee which- guess what- was a fancy word for a low deductible insurance policy with prescription benefits. We already had a high deductible policy for this kid, no prescription benefits, and were able to knock that fee right off (once we provided the right documentation of course). Kid had one prescription in four years- a Z-pack for Strep, and I was VERY happy not to have been paying for a much more expensive policy just for that!
But reading the fine print is the point. I would have been thrilled if any of my kids were breakfast eaters, but they were not, and we sure weren’t going to be paying for uneaten meals, 7 days a week, for an entire academic year!!! Doesn’t work at colleges which force you into a meal plan, but it worked out for my “I won’t eat breakfast but I love dinner with seconds” crew!
I had a panic button under my desk, as did my colleagues. At a different school, the panic button was activated right on the computer screen; all employees in enrollment services had access to the panic button. I would not have felt comfortable without one. We live in an unpredictable world, and it’s better to be safe than sorry.
we are in the middle of making decisions; a few unknowns are still out.
Thanks all for the great ideas. I’m going to make some spreadsheets and really look at the costs.
What is the matter with the quote function above? I know @kelsmom and @Mwfan1921 know how to use it!
CC admin sorin said they were doing some work and it was out of sorts for a short time. All is good now!!
Thanks…sorry to get off topic!
There are all sorts of people in all sorts of organizations who have panic buttons at their desks. It is becoming standard at big companies for receptionists or anyone who deals with “the public”- bank lobby, medical clinic, health club, anybody who is in the front line if a disgruntled customer, former employee, or terrorist shows up armed and intent on violence.
Not limited to financial aid officers, sadly.
Will check out the health fees - thanks for that! D is on my (excellent) health insurance till 26 so would be great to save a few thousand!!