Isn’t there a compromise option- something none of you feel is a mistake even if it’s not 100% perfect???
For the record- kids can flunk out anywhere- close to home, far away. Kids can major in beer pong and video games and online poker and porn anywhere- close, far, even living in their old bedroom.
So don’t use the red herring of the gaming here would be my advice. If you have concerns about your son’s maturity level, interest in academics, ability to manage his calendar and multiple assignments, then tackle that head on. Just because your son is graduating in June doesn’t mean he’ll be ready for college- any college- in August. If you’ve seen signs that without significant scaffolding your son can’t keep it together, perhaps you can all start to look at some non-college options for next year and see if his colleges will give him a gap year so he can work on his organizational and social skills.
You’ve sent kids to college already OP so you’ve seen first hand- kid misses one class, no biggie. Kid misses second class- ok, as long as he goes to office hours he’s probably ok. Before you know it, he’s missed three classes, the midterm is next week, and there’s no way he’s getting anything above a D because he’s behind on the material and has three other classes he needs to cram for. If the juggling doesn’t come naturally to him and the school doesn’t seem to have the kind of support that HE"LL take advantage of, I’d be wary.
Rude employees? I’d ignore completely. Remember that a generation ago, our parents would have had NO idea if employees were rude or not, because they never would have met them. My mom dropped me off freshman year (dad couldn’t get the time off from work) and attended my graduation- was on campus exactly twice. I took the Greyhound bus for an accepted students event, which was how I got up and back from college every other time. Same for my spouse- except that he showed up on campus- with a trunk, off the bus- never having seen the college before.
It’s very recent that parents get multiple visits and interactions with staff, and I’m not sure it’s a good thing!!!