Actually she said that her son has trouble picking up on how people behave and thus could have missed the rudeness.
For me the big red flag is his love of this school developed because he sees it as a great gaming opportunity. Not academics, professors, campus, etc. This is what he’s talking about.
Yes, son does not have a compelling argument to choose this school (other than the full ride), can’t he play his video games at any school? My DD’19 would get hooked on schools for things like having cute fairy tale names for floors in their residence halls. I’d regularly have to drag her back into reality with things like having her major, or being affordable. I was mean and made her keep the semi-local public with everything she wanted on the list and she’s now very happy there!
Not sure the rudeness of staff should be a deciding factor for OP, but things like academics and the difficulty of getting to and from airport should certainly be considered.
I think kids are looking to see how the fit at schools and this is why schools do these overnight visits. The kids can actually “see” what life will be like there. Since your son had a fun visit, he now envisions himself at that school. He now has a vision of what college is like, and it looks like what he experienced on his visit. It might be a challenge to get him to change his perspective.
I think your plan to revisit the school you prefer is a good one. Do some research beforehand to see if they have gaming clubs, etc. your son can get involved with and point those things out to him when you are there. Time your visit carefully for when kids are around. Weather has a big impact and you can’t control that but so does the time of day. You mentioned 5pm Friday. Depending on the time of year that might actually be a quiet time. When the weather is nice a lot of kids would be out at that time though at my D’s school but she is often at the Library at that time so she can go out later. Can your son attend a class on his visit? Can he eat lunch in the dorms? Basically, what can you do to get him around students and see what student life is like there?
Good luck!
We are also only getting the kid’s perspective through the filter of the parent. It may be gaming that he is most interested in, but there may be other aspects that he likes that we haven’t been told about. It’s always hard with these kind of questions when we only get one point of view.
Has the question about disability support been answered? Not sure if I missed that.
This is such a rare post on CC because parents are usually in a position of imparting the bad news to their student that they can’t attend a more expensive school. It’s sort of refreshing that the LAC is less expensive! But I certainly see how challenging this is.
The impact of an ASD kid bonding with a future classmate with a shared interest cannot be overstated. Your son foresees that he will be happy at the LAC and he likely will, and it will be his own decision. If he ends up miserable, he can transfer, you can be “right” and it’s not the end of the world. If he chooses the larger, closer university and he ends up miserable, it will be on you. And I would guess that the full ride offer at the LAC will go away.
I don’t know which schools you’re considering here, but IMO the larger the school, the more likely an ASD kid will get “lost” and be lonely.
Isn’t there a compromise option- something none of you feel is a mistake even if it’s not 100% perfect???
For the record- kids can flunk out anywhere- close to home, far away. Kids can major in beer pong and video games and online poker and porn anywhere- close, far, even living in their old bedroom.
So don’t use the red herring of the gaming here would be my advice. If you have concerns about your son’s maturity level, interest in academics, ability to manage his calendar and multiple assignments, then tackle that head on. Just because your son is graduating in June doesn’t mean he’ll be ready for college- any college- in August. If you’ve seen signs that without significant scaffolding your son can’t keep it together, perhaps you can all start to look at some non-college options for next year and see if his colleges will give him a gap year so he can work on his organizational and social skills.
You’ve sent kids to college already OP so you’ve seen first hand- kid misses one class, no biggie. Kid misses second class- ok, as long as he goes to office hours he’s probably ok. Before you know it, he’s missed three classes, the midterm is next week, and there’s no way he’s getting anything above a D because he’s behind on the material and has three other classes he needs to cram for. If the juggling doesn’t come naturally to him and the school doesn’t seem to have the kind of support that HE"LL take advantage of, I’d be wary.
Rude employees? I’d ignore completely. Remember that a generation ago, our parents would have had NO idea if employees were rude or not, because they never would have met them. My mom dropped me off freshman year (dad couldn’t get the time off from work) and attended my graduation- was on campus exactly twice. I took the Greyhound bus for an accepted students event, which was how I got up and back from college every other time. Same for my spouse- except that he showed up on campus- with a trunk, off the bus- never having seen the college before.
It’s very recent that parents get multiple visits and interactions with staff, and I’m not sure it’s a good thing!!!