<p>I am looking for advice on how to handle this. There was a minor food-throwing incident, started by A, continued by B, in the HS cafeteria :rolleyes: After several back & forths, one of these hit my S, who using superior judgement :rolleyes: decided to enter the fray. Result: all 3 get called to the office, individually. My S pleaded his case, explaining that he had asked A & B to stop several times, and only threw food after he was splattered with ketchup. He was told that he should have informed a teacher :rolleyes: He was also told that they were all getting ISS, and that the kid who started it would get a harsher consequence. Okay, so he did throw once, and no surprise, that’s when an adult FINALLY shows up. So, he takes the consequences, and did his ISS. Today he found out that A, who started it, and probably threw 5 times, did not get any punishment, and he is hopping mad.</p>
<p>It is no big deal, but infuriating nonetheless. So, the parents who call and scream and threaten, get their kids off the hook, and the ones who say, “well son, you did throw food, albeit only after you got hit…” pay a price.</p>
<p>So, should I call someone…(caution, I have a terrible mouth, and need to be fed the right words to say…)</p>
<p>Chocolic, leave it alone. The kid whose parents screamed and threatened to get their kid out of it will come into his own someday when his parents aren’t there to “protect him”.
We had a similar situation at our high school but with multiple cases of plagarism by a particular student. I’m just sitting back and waiting for her to pull that stunt in college…:)</p>
<p>I agree with ebeeee–it’s not your fight. I’ve seen it so many times; the parents who scream the loudest somehow get their kid off (and often there are no repercussions at home, either).</p>
<p>We just had a situation with a girl (used to be but no longer DD’s friend) with her second underage drinking offense…this most recent one happened at school, but not during school hours…she was supposed to be banned from all Senior activities, ECs, sports etc. for the rest of the year, including all ECs but so far she’s shown up at everything so far.</p>
<p>I really feel for this girl, since I’m almost positive both her parents are alcoholics. I cringe when I think what kind of adult she turns out to be.</p>
<p>I really don’t know why schools do this sort of thing. But as we all know Life Is Not Fair. I agree with others nothing you can do. For what it’s worth my older son got in school suspension for getting into a fight in 8th grade about whether a classroom window should be open or closed. The school was rather apologetic about suspending him as he had been an exemplary kid up till then, unlike the other kid involved. But no one had seen exactly how it started and I knew from home behavior that my son could easily have snapped if provoked. My kid learned a good lesson, which is really all the matters to me.</p>
<p>“It is no big deal, but infuriating nonetheless. So, the parents who call and scream and threaten, get their kids off the hook, and the ones who say, “well son, you did throw food, albeit only after you got hit…” pay a price.”</p>
<p>Not exactly true. The real price will be paid by the parents who “saved” their kids from punishment. Those kids are not learning the consequences of their behavior, and consequently will continue getting into trouble until one day they break their parents hearts over something more major than a food fight.</p>
<p>“So, should I call someone…”</p>
<p>Nope (unless you’re thinking of calling in your own mind the parents of those kids who got off fools and idiots). Just be happy that you’re not the type of parent who thinks it’s loving to keep their kid from facing the consequences of their actions.</p>
<p>If this had happened to my child, I would calmly go and speak to the principal, administrator or whomever and let them know that while your son accepted his punishment and learned from it, you were curious to know why the other boy wasn’t punished (and play dumb and sweet). Whatever the answer/response, say in a dumb and sweet voice that you really don’t feel that it’s doing the other boy any favors to allow unacceptable behavior without consequences.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t lose my cool or temper. I would be as sweet as pie and they’ll get your message.</p>
<p>First, for your son. If it were my son I would try to talk to him about his options. First, reinforce that he came clean and is accepting his punishment. That said, I think it is reasonable for him to go back to whoever handed out the punishments and politely ask for an explaination of the varying punishments and I believe the administator owes him an explanation if asked. The hard part of this is that I would also consul not arguing with their explanation … which he might not like at all (for example, all the 3 kids told different stories and we think it is most likely that you instigated the incident)</p>
<p>For me, again if it were my kid. I might send an email to the admistrator explaining from my seat the school is sending what appear to be counterprodutive messages to kids and their families. The last person into a situation who came clean and accepted their punishment ended up getting the worst punishment … from the outside it is not clear at all how this is fair. I would only do this if I am ABSOLUTELY sure what the punishment was for all 3 kids and that my kid got the worse deal … and I absolutley would NOT question the schools decision or right to make a decision … I’m just sharing what this situation looks like from my admittedly biased seat.</p>
<p>I agree with NSM, and ebeeeee. I have seen this play out in our schools too. These children will break their parents’ hearts down the road, just as NSM predicts, and I have seen this happen too. </p>
<p>Sending a letter, IMO, will accomplish nada. The school would not change its position in response to questioning, or a letter. Also, you may never get the full story, ie: the other student’s parents threatening legal action, or even going further with letters/calls from an attorney that the parents have retained on behalf of the student. I have seen this happen. They may hide behind privacy issues regarding the other involved students, so that they could not possibly share much information with you.</p>
<p>Perhaps a student asking, might get further, but if other strings were pulled behind the scenes, the student is not getting the full story either.</p>
<p>If I were to send any letter, I would send a letter thanking the administration for appropriately holding my son responsible for his misguided behavior. I would let the administration know that their actions toward my son reflected my parental actions of holding my kids responsible for their behavior. I would not mention faculty’s actions toward the other kids because those actions really are not my business.</p>
<p>Administrators and faculty get a lot of guff from parents who want special exceptions made for their kids who misbehave. I believe that hearing from parents who support the enforcement of rules can can help administrators and faculty have the guts to enforce the rules for everyone.</p>
<p>Incidentally, I have sent supportive notes to teachers and faculty who held my kids responsible including faculty/teachers who held my sometimes lazy, procrastinating kids responsible.</p>
<p>First of all, I wouldn’t send a letter or put anything in writing. Secondly, I wouldn’t expect the school to change it’s position nor would I even expect the school to admit any wrongdoing. What I would hope to accomplish is to let the school know that I’m not a fool.</p>
<p>None of us were in the cafeteria. None of us know for sure that the school committed any wrongdoing. The OP says the punishmnet for her son is appropriate. That really should be enough. The school has done right by her son and his family, and that’s what should really matter.</p>
<p>The rest is “he said, she said,” “he did, she did”.</p>
<p>acinva, I understand, and I was thinking that this is the satisfaction–just letting the school know, hey, I know there was not equitable treatment and I am onto it. Honestly, though, I doubt they care. The main thing is for them not to need to deal with litigation. </p>
<p>I know a someone who works with disabled students. She attended a meeting with one of the student’s parents. The father actually punched this teacher! The teacher left her position as a result of this incident. She received a fairly serious injury from that assault. The administration tried to minimize the assault. The police was not called, although a report was filed by the teacher after she sought medical attention. The parent got away with it! The teacher changed schools systems, and had to have ongoing medical treatment. The administration did not back her. Frankly, I do not get it.</p>
<p>Mini, you are right, and it is “he said, she said”. I predict that nothing would change by questioning anything.</p>
<p>My kids hear from me on a daily basis about how unfair life is; how others get away with wrongdoings; how it often seems as if you get the raw end of the deal. Arrrggh. I am not looking for change, that would be mighty arrogant for me to think that the Hydra-monster of our BOE would ever admit to double standards. And I am certainly not looking for an apology from someone I don’t care about.
I am really just being childish and want them to know that I know.
That’s all.</p>
<p>I agree with the posters that say nothing will change if you talk/write with administration. However, my personality is much like yours. I would want my say. Yes, they did right by your son and you are behaving like a responsible parent. But I would also want to tell them to their face that they are sending a very poor message by the inequitble treatment (if in fact we have the whole story). You can handle this interaction very politely and even slant it as “concern” for their image with other students and parents.</p>