Yes, exactly, @OHMomof2.
If the situation were reversed and one of my kids had been invited on such a trip, I would hope at the very least offer something to the hosts. And sent a thank you note afterward. Thats simple, basic manners/common courtesy, IMO.
I would expect a nicely worded thank you in either an email or handwritten note. Not a quick “thank you” and “bye-bye”. Anything over and above that would have really warmed my heart.
My kids HATE writing Thank You notes and they always have, however, even now as enter their 20s - I insist they write a note; if they don’t I nag until they do (or tell me they did 
) When somebody extends a kindness, it is courtesy to acknowledge it and show a modicum of appreciation.
We just took a friend of my daughters on vacation with us. She’s 22 and I know flat broke and I treated her the same as my flat broke daughter. I bring a friend for my daughter so we can all have more fun. I did not expect or want her to spend any money on us. I believe she bought her brother a small memento. However she thanked us genuinely and daily. She was a great travel buddy and very easy to have along.
My kids would have done something and offered to pay. They always do, even when treated by their aunts and uncles. That’s rude and tacky! They always brings flowers or something for the event if they are guests.
My nieces and nephew always offer to pay and are very grateful when we treat them for meals.
@eyeamom - BIL, his wife and sons have no $ and we didn’t expect them to offer to pay for anything for us (they did buy some not inexpensive sweatshirts on the ship for themselves as mementos). The friend of DS is apparently in a better financial situation. We treated the friend the same as all our other guests. Yes, it was nice for DS#1 to have someone to hang with, and we were happy to host the friend. That is not the issue. The lack of appreciation is.
When someone owes you money and refuses, in such an ugly way, to pay you back, it is called an “exit fee”. You paid a fee to never have to deal with her again.
Back in my much younger, less-moneyed days, a then-friend asked to borrow $20. She did the same thing your acquaintance did. It was always, “look what I bought and Oh, remind me to pay you back”. I asked maybe twice at the beginning since I needed that money for gas, but that was it.
We were friendly for at least another 10-15 years before she was blatantly selfish when I asked her for a favor she could easily grant. I looked back over our years and realized it was always me giving and being there for her, her take-take-taking, and her being jealous of anything positive in my life. I should have exited her right after the $20 incident and save myself the headaches! Life is so peaceful that user.
JYM, I was with a childhood friend at a wine store, to help him select a Passover wine for my family Sedar. When he went for something inexpensive, I told him that he should at least bring 2 bottles or one nice $20 bottle. For many more reasons, I don’t see him nor invite him to family celebrations.
Did your son say anything to him? Not that a 32 y o should need reminding…
I don’t know, but doubt my son said anything to him, @bookworm.
@TQfromtheU LOL “exit fee!”
The only time I’ve lent money is to my children and they know darn well to pay me back. I don’t loan money to co workers or friends. Maybe every once in a while I’ll lend a dollar or two to co workers or friends…but never anything significant…
@jym626 If they’re cheap, why did they decide to go to an expensive restaurant or a ski trip or a yacht trip overseas?
It’s rude to expect others to pay for you…unless they specifically invited you out their treat.
@natty1988 - your post does not seem to relate to our situation. Perhaps you misunderstand or did not read the entire scenario. We took our extended family on a cruise and as older s’s wife was too pregnant to go, there was an opportunity since the cabin costs the same for one or for 2 (except for the additional taxes for the second person) DS invited, with our permission, his old roommate. I had no clue he’d be “cheap” (your word). It was just, IMO, tacky to not even offer to thank us with a cup of coffee or something.
I think JYM was being credibly gracious. I doubt I would have been as nice. I could see myself saying something like, “oh, I’m sure X would love to treat us to the coffees.”
When my son was in 10th grade, my best friend from Boston was going to Disney world with his son. I had my son invite his close friend. My Boston friend, me, and his little son stayed together, and we let the older boys do their thing. They were too responsible, leaving a long line cuz they knew they’d be late for a meet-up. The older boys slept in the part of suite with the younger boy, and were wonderful with him. My son’s friend offered several times to pay for a meal, obviously coached by his parents. I recall helping him buy souvenirs for his family. I can’t recall if I let him pay for an ice cream or drink for my son. What I do remember is this friend and my son were as nice as could be to the younger boy, which is worth its weight in gold. 17 years later, the boys still visit across country, and I still invite the parents to my parties.
JYM’s son’s friend knows less than than this boy at 15.
@jym626 I was responding to one of your posts before that…
I think you must be mistaken, @natty1988. I do not believe I said anything about an expensive restaurant or a ski trip or an overseas yacht trip. You must have me confused with someone else. None of my posts say that. If you would like to point out what post you are responding to, that would be helpful. I have no clue what you are talking about.
Our situation has been clearly explained. The guest didn’t “decide to go to” any of the things you said. @bookworm clearly understands. But was my s’s old roommate cheap/ill-mannered to not even try to offer to thank us with a cup of coffee or something since he got a FREE WEEK-LONG ALASKAN CRUISE with an outside balcony? IMO, yep!
We also got a few bottles of wine with our cruise package, and 2 extra nicer bottles because it was our anniversary and the travel agent had arranged that for us. He (the guest) was happy to share in the consumption of our wine with us as well.
It was @oldfort who mentioned the Air BNB and then I think you said you replied to that. Sorry, I should’ve quoted @oldfort too!
What/when/where are you talking about??? Please reference the post. We gave this person a FREE TRIP. Common courtesy says he should have offered to do a little something to show his appreciation, or at least tried to offer (we may or may not have let him, though we let our son buy a round of drinks or bottle of wine, I forget). The other relatives didn’t offer to pay for anything for us, but with them, that was expected. TBH I find it a bit offensive that you think WE were rude. That’s kinda laughable, actually.
@natty1988- **5 days ago (6 pages back) ** @roethlisburger mentioned something about a yacht and @oldfort mentioned something about an Airbnb and a yacht trip. Neither were unkind to anyone. Please read more carefully when you are calling out or tagging posters, especially when you are saying what someone did is rude. That’s… well… rude. If you are saying @oldfort’s daughter’s friend was rude by expecting others to pay her share of a prorated bill on a ski trip or to nickel and dime the meals, I agree. That’s why they didn’t invite this person on the yacht trip. But your posts sure are confusing and unclear.
Not exactly the same thing but along these lines. I once was asked to consult another doctor about helping his staff with something technical that I have an expertise in. This was a very “known” doctor and it was just a pleasure for me to help him. I fixed the problem they were having in like 15 minutes and taught his staff how to make further changes on their own. To me, just not a big deal. The main doctor asked how much he owed me. I said nothing. This doctor was one of our leaders per se and I was sorta honored just to help. Like payback for all he had done to help our profession.
A week later I got a very “nice” case of wine sent from the wine country in California with a note of gratitude.
Sometimes you just can’t teach class.
My friends were in last week one couple from New York and another from Philly. They were here for a reunion. They were snowed in and their plane was canceled for 2 days. They had to rent a car eventually. They stayed with us since their hotel reservation was over. We went out for lunch and they kept ordering a lot of fun stuff and we all shared. They were both a bit rattled trying to figure out how they were getting home. I just excused myself and picked up the tab. Is was the least I could do (same with dinner).
They would both do the same.