Do you wait to be repaid? Do you ask for it? Do you let it go?
Scenario:
Last September, we were out to dinner with some friends with whom we socialize a few times a year (I see the wife a twice a month). Towards the end of the dinner they had to run because the baby sitter was getting antsy.
They asked us to pick up the check and the wife would repay me when I saw her next (their share $250). Since then, I’ve seen the wife twice a month, and, probably 6 of those times she’s said ‘oh, I owe you $. I don’t have my checkbook, remind me before I see you next’ I did remind her twice, but I don’t feel that I have to keep reminding her, and frankly, the amount of $ is not worth upsetting a friendship over,. However, I feel annoyed that the burden of responsibility to repay, is placed on me to remind her, and so I’d rather not be repaid, and just chalk it up to the price of retaining a friend.
What say you in a situation such as this? The next time she brings it up should I just say ’ forget about it’?
She’s not going to repay you. But seeing you reminds her. I hate to be given the task to remind people of their responsibilities. I think next time she remembers again you should just tell her at this point just consider dinner my treat.
@momofsenior1 I am irritated, but life’s too short. I think what irritates me most is that they each have a couple of top-shelf cocktails and we don’t…! But, we’ve always been 50/50 bill-splitters or ‘hosts’, no sense in changing now!
Don’t go out with them again. Obviously these aren’t real friends so this seems like no loss.
Write it off and practice being bill splitters in the future, lots of friends do this as the drinkers are often much more costly. It isn’t embarrassing, and just ask as soon as you first order. If life was too short and these were real friends, you wouldn’t have a thread about it here. Frankly the wife is effing with you with the remind me thing. Venmo for the win.
Get Zelle. The limit is $300/week but that’s under what they owe you.
The reason I say Zelle, is because all you have to do is photo your bank card with your cell phone, from the app, and they will find your account. There is NO putting it off! I had it suggested by a friend when we were out splitting a bill. I had Venmo but she didn’t so we used Zelle because I could get it right there.
So, next time you see her, suggest Zelle. Or, make plans for another evening out so they can pay you back and make sure they know that up front. If they come up with an excuse and don’t show, they are not friends worth keeping.
Yea, chalk it up to one of those things. It’s super rude of her. I have a relative like that. It was like it was my responsibility to get money from her. I learned my lesson and don’t do favors for her anymore
$250 is a LOT of money. This would fry my cookies. The added ongoing “bill splitting” when they order expensive cocktails is salt in the wound. Separate checks from the outset if there ever is a future meal together.
But guys tend to be more like that. I wouldn’t be able to stand it, being taken advantage of like that. I agree with the posters that say, “Listen, it’s been awhile so why don’t you guys just pick up the next time?” And I would not be the one to initiate the next get together.
It would impact the way I viewed that “friend” and I’d probably make less efforts to be friends with her. It’s less about the money and more about thoughtfulness and courtesy. If she is so thoughtless with me, yeah, not a good friend. It sure sucks to find that out about people.
Ugh, that’s tough. DH and I have a rule that we don’t give anyone any money at all unless we’re willing to consider it a gift. We “lent” $500 to a co-worker (an engineer!) when he was going through a hard time and he never paid us back, even though we requested multiple times. People can be scum.
If she brings it up again I would say, oh my gosh no one ever has their checkbooks anymore. Let me just send you a Venmo request. That’s what all the kids do, and it’s so easy, here let me have your phone.
I’d only do it if she brings it up again. I think that’s the annoying part, that you aren’t even bringing it up, she is! And then she still doesn’t pay you.
I do want to say that I have people in my family who struggle with ADHD. They have good intentions but terrible follow through. I’m choosing instead of getting annoyed that I blame the ADHD! Makes me less annoyed when I think they can’t help being a flake.
To me, $250 is a lot of money and I would want to be repaid. If you discussed it at least six times, I would assume they never plan to repay you and treat it as a lesson learned. YMMV.