What would bother me, is her bringing it up every time I see her, and then her still not paying. So if that bothers you, a response for the next time she does that is in order.
Well, I wouldn’t have picked up their 250 tab. And I’m struggling to understand why an antsy babysitter was excuse to just get up and leave. (Their kid wasnt in an ambulance, right?) At a restaurant at that level, they could have flagged someone for an immediate check.
So, maybe the whole thing sounds fishy. Maybe they’ve got financial issues? I’d be tempted to be snarky, but that’s not my style.
A casual friend owes me 25 for a dinner. I can ignore that, it’s not 250.
I can see how you could end up in this situation and I have a dh who would respond similarly and it would really bug me! Since you do go out as couples a couple times a year (I think that’s what you said), the next time, I’d say something like, “hey, hope you don’t mind but we can let this one be on you as we covered the last one”.
You indicated that you see the woman about 2x/month. If she doesn’t have a history of stiffing you/the group, I really might chalk it up to someone being fairly thoughtless and clueless but not any more than that. If you know her to be the person constantly not paying her fair share, I’d feel differently.
Against my better judgement, I lent a close coworker money. I was a mentor to him and got to know his wife pretty well. He was struggling and then had an unexpected car expense. His cards were maxed out due to his recent move and his child had been ill with unexpected medical bills. I worked with him for years and he is a good guy. I paid to get his car running, inspected, and out of the shop. He had no way to get to work without it. I didn’t write up any formal note but he assured me that when we received our 3rd check for the month (2 months out) he would pay me back. He did pay a little more than $100 at that time and then a month later gave me another $100. Then it was $25 a month or none at all off and on. A year went by and he still owed me several hundred. I started to get resentful when he would show me the professional photos he had taken of his family or the extravagant party favors, decorations, and catered meal for his younger child’s birthday party. His house was starting to look like a cover house for House Beautiful. When he and his wife took a long weekend away and then got matching tattoos I was furious. I invited them to dinner and talked to them both about how I was feeling. He felt badly and said he would borrow from his mother to get me the rest that weekend. His wife on the other hand said she figured that DH and I had plenty of money and felt they had paid back enough. He borrowed from family and paid me off. We still work together but we no longer socialize out of work with our families.
I wasn’t going to respond because it’s outside of my worldview, but then I decided to respond because of that. I have literally never had a meal that cost over $100 per person in my entire life and can barely wrap my mind around that, let alone someone stuffing me for half. That $250 would be huge for us- almost half a month’s groceries and I would absolutely give up a friendship for that. So, out of complete curiosity of how the other half lives, how much would they have to stiff you for it to be worth a friendship?
“His wife on the other hand said she figured that DH and I had plenty of money and felt they had paid back enough.”
Wow! What an attitude and lack of character.
$250 is an outrageous amount of money to me for dinner for 4, split, but we don’t live in a major city where this amount may be in a more typical range. (We also don’t drink, so don’t have that added expense.) We’ve probably never had a dinner for 4 that was more than $150 total, including tip. But we only eat out 3 or 4 times in a whole year, and don’t have the discretionary money that others probably do.
How much would I lose a friendship over? It’s hard to say. The friends I do have, I really value, and it’s hard to imagine them pulling such a stunt.
“His wife on the other hand said she figured that DH and I had plenty of money and felt they had paid back enough” - That really caught my eye too. Geez … it sounds like they also have plenty of money (well at least spend as if they do).
You know, I had that thought about OP’s situation - maybe this couple (did you say they were younger?) feel OP is financially well off and could handle the bill - without repayment.
Super tacky and poor in character but could be possible. Geez, people.
@psychmomma - that was $250 for dinner for two – not for four!
That must’ve been some meal! I don’t think I’ve ever spend more than $50 per person on a meal – and I grew up in NYC and now live in So. Cal., neither area particularly well known for inexpensive dining (if you don’t count a slice of pizza or an In-N-Out burger!)
I don’t want to hijack this thread, so I’ll start another…I just put it out there – what luxuries (dining, travel, theatre) are you willing or not willing to spend money on?
I agree with collage1 that if you go out with them again, you could tell them you covered the last one so you’re assuming they’ll pick up the tab this time.
It does seem like an expensive bill for them to forget about, not like picking up the tab for pizza or sandwiches. I hope it is just a spacey, not paying attention kind of thing, rather than the situation bamamom was in with the wife saying basically “you guys have more money than us so why should we pay you back?” which is totally outrageous.
Not at 250 for their share. Not without a history that Mr and Mrs Money Bags routinely treat them to luxuries “because we can and you can’t.” (Or where there’s some other balance.)
Even if this were the very most expensive dinner they’d ever shared and the prices a surprise, you don’t order costly meals/drinks and then walk out on the bill.
Plus, this continued fancy that, “Oh, drat, I forgot my checkbook” is lousy. That’s where I might say something.
But no, this is not a friendship. Done. I’d at least try to avoid her and certainly not do any further dinners.
Re: #23 @bamamom2021
Seems like your co-worker generally has trouble managing his household finances and spending habits, if he had to borrow from someone else to pay off the debt to you. He is probably in the 40% who would have trouble finding the money for a $400 unexpected expense.
$250 was the share of the couple who seems to be stiffing the OP on repaying the money. (Or $125 per person, probably about ten times the average restaurant meal cost.)
In terms of considering dropping a friendship, and just going on the little that @BamaMomof3 shared so, really, looking at it as a hypothetical, I would consider dropping that friend well before the OP’s friend. Very unhealthy behavior on many fronts.
No way I would let this slide. That’s a weeks pay for some people after tax. And if you wrote a bad check to a business for 250 you would be receiving a summons. And that’s stiffing someone you don’t know. It’s more sacred among friends.
I would text her and say
Hey Lisa. I just got this cool new app called zelle. I haven’t tried it yet. You don’t have to even write checks to each other. I’m going to send you a link and you can pay us for dinner and we can see if it works. Then we’re connected in case I need to send money to you for something down the road.
Lol.
If she gets offended after stiffing you for six months. then there’s some stinking thinking going on there
Ok., so thanks for all of the feedback, a least I know it’s not me!
It really was a genuine need to leave re the babysitter; she (babysitter) called and texted several times during the meal, although idk what was going on w their youngest kid. I think it was more about something to do w one of the friends sleeping over.
As far as the $ amount, bear in mind we’re talking top-shelf cocktails (they had at least two each) at approx $18/per plus tax plus tip (20%) and H & I a single glass of Menu Wine. Anyway, I don’t want to nit-pick, it’s just the premise of *forgetting, and reminding me that she forgot, again and again, that gets me, and I really wanted to get it off my chest by venting here, so thanks for that too!
They are only a few years younger than we are and money is def. not an issue for these people - this is the same friend who doesn’t know how to vacation on a budget!
And @bamamom2021 - That’s shocking what the wife said to you, just shocking!
So, I’ve vented and now it’s Cal-gon! Aaah…
ETA - we haven’t been out with them since; we did have a couple of plans but I cancelled because I was annoyed I wasn’t repaid. I really have to let it go - I’m a person who festers on things!
Go out with them and let them pay. Order steak or lobster enjoy yourself.
I was so embarrassed when another parent emailed to say that she had been waiting a long time for me to pay the $20 I owed her for some transaction involving her daughter and mine. I had given the $20 to my D months earlier and she gave it to the other girl, but apparently there were multiple transactions going on between them. So mortified I was over $20. So $250 is nuts.
If she ever mentions forgetting her checkbook again when you see her, just tell her no problem, you’ll follow her home and she can go in and get it for you! lol. I’m glad you can let it go. I tend to dwell on things longer than I should, too.